Work Week Hustles and My Fitbit

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, the last day of yet another work week hustle. I have a love-hate relationship with my fitbit. On the one hand, I'm getting more exercise than I would have without it. This is indisputable. On the other hand, I'm getting a lot less of everything else done. This too is indisputable.

I'm sure the exercise is good for me although I'm not convinced it's making a difference in my weight loss. But, I'm also sure that falling behind on everything else is bad for me. I need to find a better balance.

Today is the last day of this week's work week hustle. Perhaps I should sit next week's out. Or make it a promise to myself to go in the morning before camp drop off. Or something. I need to get a grip. But, for today, I'll go on a nice long walk after I drop P off at camp.


Cheers!
mouse

You've Lost that Hungry Feeling

Dear Friends and Family,

Last night, I was famished before dinner. I was truly hungry because of some choices I made earlier in the day. I was stressed in the morning so I grabbed a slice of pizza from the fridge. Then, after working frantically for an hour I got enough done that I joined my neighbors for brunch. But, since I had already had the pizza I didn't want to order food. But, since I felt I deserved a "reward" for getting my work done, I ordered a soy mocha. Well, that meant that by 11am, I was done with my breakfast and lunch points which theoretically is fine except a pizza and a soy mocha are not going to set you up for success.

Starved, I ate my strawberries and peaches for lunch instead of for breakfast. And, when P fell asleep, I decided to try and get a walk in. Since traffic was bad and I was smelly, I showered again before dinner and before you knew it it was 7:30 pm and we were just sitting down to dinner. I was H-U-N-G-R-Y. I ate the rest of my day's points and all of my activity points too.

But, in the process, I remembered something. I remembered what it feels like to be truly hungry. There's full. There's not full. There's hungry. And, there's truly hungry. I think my stomach is like a poorly trained dog that whines all of the time asking for a treat from the treat box. Really, I should only be eating when I'm truly hungry. And, when I eat I should be making smart choices.

I know now that before I started Weight Watchers (for the second time) I was eating whenever I was not full. And, I was making poor choices.

I feel like I relearned something yesterday that I had somehow forgotten.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/28/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 3.2 pounds
total weight loss: 13.8 pounds

Wow! I won't lie. It feels good to be able to type those numbers. I'm essentially a pound away from 15 pounds. 15 pounds! I'm not sure how long it'll take me to lose that pound, but I'm motivated.

There's definitely changes going on. I'm not as drawn to sweets as I was before. Yesterday, we got doughnuts for breakfast. I wasn't tempted. I had fruit instead. Last night, we went out for ice cream. I could have easily ordered a single scoop. The ice cream is delicious. But, I didn't order any. My eyes were probably devouring everyone else's ice cream. But, I didn't eat any. It's not as tempting as it was before. Or rather it is tempting, but I am remembering how to resist the temptation.

I'm motivated in a different way. There's thing I want (like ice cream) and things I want more (like losing another pound) and this past week I remembered I do want things more than the immediate gratification of ice cream and doughnuts. I'd rather be my goal weight and have more energy and be a healthy role model for P and feel good in my clothes than have a doughnut.

Wish me luck with next week's weigh in.


Cheers!
mouse

Onions

Dear Friends and Family,

Who knows us? That's a question that I've been thinking about lately.

I think about me and who knows me. And, I wonder if I really know the people I think I know. I know Mr. mouse is a lot more trusting than I am that he believes a lot more in people than I do. His trust is more transitive than mine. If there's someone he trusts, and they trust someone else, he tends to trust the third person as well. But, if there's someone I trust, and they trust someone else, well, to me, that third person is still a stranger and only a couple notches above the average person I might see walking down the street.

And, I wonder who knows me. I think on the surface I am a happy person with likable traits, I think. But, underneath that there's a layer that can get sad and troubled with baggage from the past and ghosts and paranoias and demons aplenty. I don't like to admit to that side of me, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit it existed. I feel like the less I acknowledge it the less voice it has. I wonder if other people have similar fears or if this is something most people live their whole lives without encountering. I wonder if it can be inherited or learned. I wonder if it's something I need to watch for in P.

If you go deeper, you find something else, more. In some members of my family, it is hard and brittle and, perhaps, broken. In others, it's more tempered, more resilient, but still strong. This thing, I'm not sure where it comes from, but when backed into a corner, it refuses to yield, it fights without compromise. Only, for me, it exacts a price. After long periods of high stress, my thyroid yields, it forgets how to work and I need medication to get it back under control. I know that repeated rounds of medication will eventually kill my thyroid, so I know I need to figure this out, but in reality I don't think I have. I want to teach P to be strong, but I don't think it's healthy to have this. I hope it's not inherited, but sadly I think it can be. I already see shades of it in P.

Yet, deep inside, there's a place that still trusts and still believes and still loves and is willing to be vulnerable. I know that is the person Mr. mouse fell in love with. But, I feel like that is a place with a strong door with a big lock and I'm not sure where I've put the key. I don't think I can find the key. I think I need to wait for the key to find me. Perhaps one day Mr. mouse will find that person again. I kind of hope he does because I kind of like her. I have faith that I will one day because when I see P I see her. P still trusts and believes and loves. She hasn't picked up the fears and darkness and anger that people my head.

I hope that her world can continue, at least a little longer, to be that happy place.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/21/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight gain: 1.0 pounds
total weight loss: 10.6 pounds

It's Wednesday, so I have the benefit of an extra day's weigh-in when writing this post. So, while the official numbers above show a gain from the prior week, if I include today's weigh in, I would be able to report a 0.8 pound weight loss for the week which confirms something I had been thinking about for the past week. I've been eating out too much. And, without realizing it, I was eating a lot more salt than I should be. You can't lose 1.8 pounds of fat in a single day, but you can lose 1.8 pounds of water. Well, I'm going to try and take advantage of the momentum from today and see if I can report a better number next week.

I feel like momentum plays a part. It's easier to have a good day when you've had a string of good days. It's harder when you've had a string of mediocre days. So, I'm going to try and take advantage of today's good weigh in and see if I can have another tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

7/20/15: Looking for Lincoln

Dear Friends and Family,

We were originally supposed to go to Montreal for the weekend to see our friends. But, when they called to tell us that their daughter had a fever of 104, we decided to cancel the weekend. P was crushed because she was really looking forward to seeing her friend. So crushed we bought her a Lgeo set and took her out to dinner to try and make up for the lost fun. So crushed that she didn't want to go to either birthday party we originally declined for the weekend. So crushed she almost cried. So crushed we looked up other weekend trip options and found one in Springfield, The Land of Lincoln.

P's been reading a lot about Lincoln and the Civil War because we pretty much let her read what she wants even if we have to deal with the consequences. So, we've already had long talks about slavery, war, tuberculosis, typhoid, assassination, civil rights, and everything else that comes with learning about these topics. So, we thought a trip to Springfield would be a great way to see more Lincoln related things.

Our first stop was Lincoln's home. This wasn't the log cabin where he was born. It's the house he bought with Mary after they got married. We watched a movie learning a lot about Lincoln's pre-presidency life both as a lawyer, a politician, a father, and a husband. We walked through the house and saw his parlor and his bedroom and learned a little about life in the late 1800s. We really enjoyed it.

Our second stop was Lincoln's presidential library and museum. The library isn't open on weekends, but the museum is. We saw two more movies there - one about Lincoln's presidential years and the Civil War and the other about the library and why presidential libraries exist. We also got to walk through two dioramas - one of the log cabin and one of the White House. The first movie was a little scary for P. But, she enjoyed seeing all of the dresses at the White House Blue Room recreation. This was also a good place to buy souvenirs.

Our last stop was Lincoln's tomb. We were all a little hot and a little tired by then so it's a good thing that the tomb is a pretty low key stop. We saw several miniatures of statues of Lincoln including one P knows from Lincoln Park. And, we saw his final resting place.

After that, it was a quick trip home. Sunday, we all slept in. I got a text from a mom who I am Facebook friends with. She noticed that our trip had been cancelled and wanted to know if P still wanted to come to her daughter's birthday party. We jumped on the chance. P had a lot of fun. We had an afternoon play date as well. P enjoyed the weekend after all and soon it was time for bed.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/14/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 11.6 pounds

Yeah! I can put the Fourth of July weight gain behind me. I can also put the initial disruption caused by starting up an exercise routine behind me. I can also put the aches and pains behind me. And, I can put the carbo loading behind me. Hooray!

I should explain a bit more what went on this past week.

I started wearing a fitbit pedometer. It tracks my steps. It also synchs to Weight Watchers and Weight Watchers then increases my available points for the day. So far so good. There's the initial weight gain associated with starting up any new activity - you gain a little muscle, you hold a little more water weight, and your mind begins to play little tricks on you.

That's where the carbo loading comes in.

I was mentally fueling up for my morning walks by adding toast or a bagel to breakfast. But, for the amount of walking I'm doing I don't need to add toast or a bagel to breakfast. My fruit should be plenty and it is. I just needed to get over the fear of not having enough energy. And, now that I'm over that fear all is good again.

Now that I'm back to where I was two weeks ago, I can focus again on the future. I guess at this point if I'm going to continue on my routine, I should keep on tracking my steps and I should keep on tracking my food. And, hopefully I'll have more good news next week.


Cheers!
mouse

One Year of Being on a Budget

Dear Friends and Family,

It's been a year since I put our family on a budget. And, I'm glad I did.

There are many memories of last July that seem sad, but they were necessary. I remember partially filling the tank in the car. I remember finding ways to have a fun day with P without spending any money. I remember Mr. mouse eating lots of rice and beans. And, I remember thinking, optimistically, that if we did it for a few short months life would change.

And, it did, but we never went back to the carefree days of never tracking. We have a file I named temporary budget and we still log our daily expenses into it. We have about $200 more a month than when we started this whole exercise last year. And, while $200 might not seem like a lot to a lot of people, it makes a big difference. It means we can splurge a couple of times each month. It means we can fill the gas tank on a regular basis. It means we have steak and sushi sometimes instead of chicken and beans.

The other big thing we did was refill our coffers. We have money set aside for emergencies and for trips and for clothes for P and gifts for Christmas. That's a big difference from last year. So, I suppose we've made progress.

One area I know we should look at is insurance. We have State Farm. And, I feel like we're paying more than we need to for insurance. I asked Mr. mouse to look at some quotes I got last year that would cut our insurance payments in half. It's been a year. When he gripes about our budget, I feel like reminding him that we could find more money in our budget by changing insurance providers. But, I try to refrain from being that person.

The other insurance area I'm debating is my term life insurance. I had term life insurance at old work. And, when I left the insurance provider offered me the option of keeping it at the same rate. I've kept it because I think the money would be useful to Mr. mouse and P if something were to happen to me. But, to be honest, I'm not sure they will need the money. I think we've saved up enough. But, I'm not 100% sure. So, I keep paying the premiums on the term life insurance. But, I'm not sure it's worth it. Perhaps I should put aside the money for it every week instead of letting the lump sum surprise me every three months.

I guess Mr. mouse isn't the only one procrastinating on insurance.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/7/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight gain: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 9.4 pounds

And, just like that my body reminded me that this isn't going to be a walk in the park. We had a staycation this weekend with friends. I got a fitbit and finally put it on. Hopefully I can use this week to settle into a new routine that brings better news next week.


Cheers!
mouse

Shifting Gears

Dear Friends and Family,

For a couple of months now I've been whittling away at getting the living room under control. And, yesterday I decided to switch gears and move on to our bedroom.

Our bedroom is a rat's nest of stuff that we moved up there "temporarily" in January for our party. Well, it's July and it's still all there and it's beginning to drive me batty. Only me. Apparently it doesn't bother anyone else in the house.

Yesterday, I spent about 10 minutes putting away P's winter clothes from 2013-2014. The bench at the foot of our bed is now clear.

I AM SO HAPPY.


Cheers!
mouse