Dear Friends and Family,
Yesterday, I had coffee with an amazing friend who reminded me that there is so much good in the world if we just open our eyes and look around. The weather was great. I caught three buses in a row to make it home in record time after coffee. And, I had a great time last night when we got to visit P's classroom.
See. I did find something positive to write about.
Last night I asked Mr. mouse if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Nope. Really? Nope? Are you sure? Yep. Nothing constructive to say right now.
What am I feeling right now? I feel like I was lied to. I feel like trust was broken. I feel like he's not sorry he was caught in a lie. I feel like he's annoyed that I'm making an issue of this. If only I didn't care about trust and feeling taken advantage of then this wouldn't be an issue and we could move on like nothing happened. Well, I can't move on. I'm sorry. When I get to this point, there is no moving on like nothing happened.
It makes me question lots of things. And, honestly, P is such a big part of it. If it were just the two of us, I feel like I would move on and potentially out. We could split the assets and both continue to find our paths in life. But, with P the picture changes in ways I can't really get my arms around. I can't imagine what it would do to her, emotionally, if her mom and dad split up. I do know it will impact her financially. And, statistics say it isn't just the immediate financial hit, it puts her in a different bucket altogether where the odds just aren't as much in her favor anymore. But, I also hate the idea of her watching what we have and concluding that this is what a successful marriage looks like because it isn't. This isn't it. And if this is what she has in the future, I will be a little sad for her. There is a part of me that wants her to see two happy adults because she can learn a lot from that happiness too.
I guess for now I have one decision with three choices I need to wrap my head around. I can do nothing. I can try to fix the relationship. I can decide the relationship is not worth fixing and essentially end it. I think I will take the Buddhist route and wait until the right answer feels right. I do know one thing, I will not try to fix anything until Mr. mouse makes an active effort to acknowledge what happened and to address it. But, I know he won't unless I prompt him to. And, honestly, after last night I have no desire to prompt him to. So, in reality, fixing the relationship is not a real option. That leaves do nothing and walking away. Lots to think about.
Cheers!
mouse
Yesterday, I had coffee with an amazing friend who reminded me that there is so much good in the world if we just open our eyes and look around. The weather was great. I caught three buses in a row to make it home in record time after coffee. And, I had a great time last night when we got to visit P's classroom.
See. I did find something positive to write about.
Last night I asked Mr. mouse if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Nope. Really? Nope? Are you sure? Yep. Nothing constructive to say right now.
What am I feeling right now? I feel like I was lied to. I feel like trust was broken. I feel like he's not sorry he was caught in a lie. I feel like he's annoyed that I'm making an issue of this. If only I didn't care about trust and feeling taken advantage of then this wouldn't be an issue and we could move on like nothing happened. Well, I can't move on. I'm sorry. When I get to this point, there is no moving on like nothing happened.
It makes me question lots of things. And, honestly, P is such a big part of it. If it were just the two of us, I feel like I would move on and potentially out. We could split the assets and both continue to find our paths in life. But, with P the picture changes in ways I can't really get my arms around. I can't imagine what it would do to her, emotionally, if her mom and dad split up. I do know it will impact her financially. And, statistics say it isn't just the immediate financial hit, it puts her in a different bucket altogether where the odds just aren't as much in her favor anymore. But, I also hate the idea of her watching what we have and concluding that this is what a successful marriage looks like because it isn't. This isn't it. And if this is what she has in the future, I will be a little sad for her. There is a part of me that wants her to see two happy adults because she can learn a lot from that happiness too.
I guess for now I have one decision with three choices I need to wrap my head around. I can do nothing. I can try to fix the relationship. I can decide the relationship is not worth fixing and essentially end it. I think I will take the Buddhist route and wait until the right answer feels right. I do know one thing, I will not try to fix anything until Mr. mouse makes an active effort to acknowledge what happened and to address it. But, I know he won't unless I prompt him to. And, honestly, after last night I have no desire to prompt him to. So, in reality, fixing the relationship is not a real option. That leaves do nothing and walking away. Lots to think about.
Cheers!
mouse
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