Dear Friends and Family,
Sometimes you go around the block and notice new things and wonder how it is you never noticed them before. And, sometimes you go around the block and wonder why you even bothered. And, sometimes you go around the block even if you don't want to because you're along for the ride.
Mr. mouse and I are going around the same old tired block again. I am so tired of it. I am so very tired. I am too tired to be angry. I am too tired to care. I am too tired to want to try and fix it. I am too tired. Or perhaps I am too smart. I am too smart to be angry. I am too smart to care. I am too smart to want to try and fix it. I am too smart. Because this isn't the first time we've been around this block. And, I've concluded this won't be the last time. We'll be around this block again.
I can't pinpoint the event, but sometime in the last six years Mr. mouse seems to have lost all respect for me. I am no longer logical. I am not a good decision maker. I am not a good listener. I am not a good speaker. He doesn't care if he hurts my feelings. He doesn't care if I get angry. He's always exasperated with me.
I'm done trying to force a grown adult to respect and love me. I'm done trying to show I am worthy of love and respect. I shouldn't need to convince someone I am worthy of love and respect. I feel done. Because sometime in the last six years I've lost reciprocating the love and respect that was the bedrock of our relationship. I'm not sure if it is because I am too tired or it is because I am too smart. Or perhaps it is because I love and respect myself too much to want to continue.
And, I'm not sure where that leaves us. What is a relationship without mutual love and respect? I spent a lot of time thinking about this yesterday morning and came up with no good answers. I know we've hit low points in our relationship before that didn't seem salvageable and through miracles I still don't understand we found love again. But, honestly, this feels different. I don't care. I don't think he cares.
Something to think about.
Sorry to unload all of this. Tomorrow I'll write about butterflies and sunshine and wild flowers.
Cheers!
mouse
Sometimes you go around the block and notice new things and wonder how it is you never noticed them before. And, sometimes you go around the block and wonder why you even bothered. And, sometimes you go around the block even if you don't want to because you're along for the ride.
Mr. mouse and I are going around the same old tired block again. I am so tired of it. I am so very tired. I am too tired to be angry. I am too tired to care. I am too tired to want to try and fix it. I am too tired. Or perhaps I am too smart. I am too smart to be angry. I am too smart to care. I am too smart to want to try and fix it. I am too smart. Because this isn't the first time we've been around this block. And, I've concluded this won't be the last time. We'll be around this block again.
I can't pinpoint the event, but sometime in the last six years Mr. mouse seems to have lost all respect for me. I am no longer logical. I am not a good decision maker. I am not a good listener. I am not a good speaker. He doesn't care if he hurts my feelings. He doesn't care if I get angry. He's always exasperated with me.
I'm done trying to force a grown adult to respect and love me. I'm done trying to show I am worthy of love and respect. I shouldn't need to convince someone I am worthy of love and respect. I feel done. Because sometime in the last six years I've lost reciprocating the love and respect that was the bedrock of our relationship. I'm not sure if it is because I am too tired or it is because I am too smart. Or perhaps it is because I love and respect myself too much to want to continue.
And, I'm not sure where that leaves us. What is a relationship without mutual love and respect? I spent a lot of time thinking about this yesterday morning and came up with no good answers. I know we've hit low points in our relationship before that didn't seem salvageable and through miracles I still don't understand we found love again. But, honestly, this feels different. I don't care. I don't think he cares.
Something to think about.
Sorry to unload all of this. Tomorrow I'll write about butterflies and sunshine and wild flowers.
Cheers!
mouse
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