Friday!

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday and I'm feeling good, not great, but good. What would make me feel great? That's a good question.

If I spent 15 minutes getting the house in order. I went to sleep last night without doing that.

If I spent 10 minutes and clipped my nails. They're a hot mess. I wish I had the time to go for a manicure, but realistically I don't.

If I got a couple of things knocked off of the to do list so that I'm set up for success next week.

If I ate better yesterday. I ate too much salt yesterday. And, I ate too much overall. I need to put together an eating plan. If I spent 30 minutes really thinking about an eating plan.

That's a couple of hours work. I guess I could try to get there from here.


Cheers!
mouse

Retirement Reviews

Dear Friends and Family,

I must be the only person in all of America who looks forward to reviewing my retirement accounts. On the last trading day of every month I update a file I have been maintaining since January of 2010 with all of the information on how our retirement accounts are performing. And then the file spits out how much money we would have per month for retirement if we retired right now.

Before I had this file we would meet quarterly with our investment adviser and we would look at our portfolio together. Once a year we'd get an update on our overall retirement plan scenarios. It was useful, but I never really understood the math in the different scenarios. I wanted different assumptions and the cookie cutter plans couldn't really accommodate my wants so my adviser would jury rig it to make it work, but it never felt right.

With my own sheet, I can type in whatever assumptions I want about social security, college, lifespan, cost of living adjustments, etc. to get to an outcome I feel comfortable with. It might mean we're saving more than we need to, but I'd rather have money left over than be short because expenses went up faster than people thought they would.

Well, tomorrow is our retirement review. So, I've got my fingers crossed that nothing bounces the market around too much between now and tomorrow afternoon. I know it's only a snapshot in time, but it's still nice to record a happy snapshot.


Cheers!
mouse

Catch Up Day

Dear Friends and Family,

P, the kid who almost never gets sick, got sick yesterday. Actually, she got sick Monday night and was sick yesterday. She's still out of sorts today, but she wants to go to school so we're letting her make the call on it. Hopefully she makes it through the day in one piece.

For me, it's a catch up day. My mom left yesterday afternoon. And, I've got a couple of things I'd like to get crossed off of my list. Time to get started on the day.


Cheers!
mouse

02.23.15: End of February

Dear Friends and Family,

I won't focus on Saturday night because Saturday night did not go well. Instead, I'll focus on Sunday because Sunday was a lot of fun. We went to church on Sunday morning and heard an inspirational talk about life in general. In essence, the speaker told us that life will be full of challenges and that we need to be brave enough to face those challenges. After Saturday, I certainly did feel like life was full of challenges and I didn't even know where to begin.

But, in a zen moment, I decided to empty my mind and see if I could be more mindful. And, that's when I realized that I need to be strong. I need to be honest about who I am and stand up for what I believe in. And, that made me feel better.

We went to lunch after church and P had an abysmal lunch. She's had a terrible run with eating lately - easily distracted, picky about her food, annoyed with noise, you name it, she's used it as an excuse. So, meal times have been torture for us. And, instead of fighting it anymore, we decided to take away dress up day until the situation improves. This morning, we put together a chart and she needs to earn 10 stickers in the next 13 meals to earn dress up day back. So far she's earned one sticker. Hooray!

After our abysmal lunch and after lunch meltdown we went to a friend's birthday party. It was P's first time ice skating and we were ready for a meltdown, but she did surprisingly well and enjoyed herself. I guess we'll have to go again some time.

I napped the rest of the day, but P played with my mom and enjoyed the afternoon. And now it's Monday. Time to get some work done.


Cheers!
mouse

Nice Dream

Dear Friends and Family,

Wednesday night I had a nice dream. I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend - the one I was dating when I met Mr. mouse. I always felt a little bad that things did not work out between the two of us. Or rather, I don't feel badly that things didn't work out between the two of us, but I do feel badly about how it ended.

In my dream, I ran into him and he was working in scientific research and had just announced a major breakthrough in the field he was studying. He was married with children. He was doing well. He was happy. We had a nice conversation. And, he forgave me for the mess I made of our lives 20 years ago.

I woke up feeling warm and happy. It was a nice dream.


Cheers!
mouse

Grandma's Here! Grandma's Here! Grandma's Here!

Dear Friends and Family,

There's nothing like having Grandma visit. For P, it's a new playmate - someone who lets her direct the play and is willing to explore P's favorite topics with her. Yesterday, P and my mom played fashion show. P put on dress up outfit after dress up outfit and giggled with my mom. They stayed up in P's room and chatted about the things little girls need to tell their grandma.

Then, we had dinner and dessert and P went to bed. It's freezing cold today. And we have swim this afternoon. Wish us luck.


Cheers!
mouse

Grandma's Coming! Grandma's Coming! Grandma's Coming!

Dear Friends and Family,

If you visited inside P's head today, that's what you would hear. She had close to twelve hours of sleep last night. And, she's eating dinner for breakfast this morning. And, she's counting down the hours until my mom arrives later today.

It's so endearing watching our five year old. She's sharp as a tack and you can see her logic coming through. She's independent enough to open and close her own car door. Yet, things are still new and fascinating for her. Like when we fold laundry, she loves sorting the clothes and folding the napkins. Or when the soap dispenser stops working, she loves working through testing process with Mr. mouse or me. Or when she's counting down the hours until grandma is coming and she smiles every time she realizes it's today.

Our little P.


Cheers!
mouse

02.16.15: P and the Pool

Dear Friends and Family,

If P could, she would move into a Sheraton hotel and spend her days swimming until bed time. We were traveling this weekend and that is effectively what she did. I split my time between the hot tub and the pool, but P spent her time in the pool swimming, racing, and trying to reach the bottom. Her lips get thin and blue, her eyes get ringed with goggle lines and her fingers prune up like raisins, but I've rarely seen her happier.

And, now, it's back to another week. My mom is coming later this week. P is super excited.


Cheers!
mouse

Scurrying

Dear Friends and Family,

Good morning. I've got a meeting this morning with my accountant. So, I need to go shower. Sorry. Have a good day.


Cheers!
mouse

Meeting with My Accountant Tomorrow

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm meeting with my accountant tomorrow. So, I need to prepare this morning. Have a great Wednesday!


Cheers!
mouse

Sunny Tuesday

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Tuesday. It's sunny. I immediately feel just a little bit better with the sun shining.

Last night, I got to vent to a girlfriend and I feel better for it. Today, I need to get through my task list. Then, I will be in a better place.

Time to go tackle emails.


Cheers!
mouse

02.09.15: Weekend Highlights

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Monday. The start of another week. It's a short week because P doesn't have school on Friday. And, it's an even shorter week because I have a school meeting on Wednesday and a meeting with my accountant on Thursday. So, I need to make the most of the day today and tomorrow.

We had a fun weekend. Friday, we went out to dinner with friends. Then, Saturday, we went to see our old school friends and catch up over sledding and pizza and movies. Sunday, we played Lego with P all day. It seemed like the most perfect weekend.

Then, it all fell apart Sunday night. We were folding laundry and talking. And, Mr. mouse voiced that he was unhappy. I asked him what would make him happier. And, he wouldn't talk. I sat there waiting for him and he went off to do email. Classic Mr. mouse. Right there. Total avoidance. Let's not talk about it and somehow it'll magically go away. Perhaps I'm insane... After all, to quote Einstein, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I always try to open a line of conversation somehow expecting he'll take me up on it. But, it's because otherwise we'll continue to do the same thing and get the same results which will continue to make Mr. mouse unhappy. See? We're a house of crazies. The lunatics have taken over the asylum.

Well, I sat there waiting. And, then I got irritated at being ignored. That's just plain rude. So, I got mad and went to bed. I think I know why Mr. mouse is mad. I think it has to do with the budget. Well, I'm sorry. We're on a budget. I don't know what to say about it. I've given him options on how to save money so we have more money to spend in areas we care about, but classic Mr. mouse. He hates making decisions so those stay in limbo and the budget doesn't change. I don't know what to tell him. The other thing that irritates me is that we've gotten through seven months of this. Sometime this spring this should all resolve itself. It's just around the corner so someone's going to have to man up and suck it up for a couple of more months. We're all grown ups here.

Me? Why am I so upset? Well, there's the reminder that we are not good at working out our problems. There's Mr. mouse's inability to let go and throw anything away. And, there's the fact that I have no good idea how to repair our friendship. It's just a big old cluster and my mom is coming in a week and I just feel sorry for all of us. We all just want to be happy but we can't seem to find a way to get there from here.

Well, I can't mope. I need to get a ton done today. It's a short week after all.


Cheers!
mouse

Blogger before Facebook

Dear Friends and Family,

It's not a matter of priorities. It's more a practical matter. Once I've scrolled through my Facebook feed, my mind feels numb. Hmm. Perhaps that should be a sign that I shouldn't be ignoring.

Anyway. We had family night last night. We all piled into P's bed to sleep to celebrate the ribbon she got at swim last week. Well, Mr. mouse and I climbed into P's bed. P slept in her cozy corner. I guess when you're an only child without cousins you need to work with what you've got. I still remember all the sleepovers I had with my cousins. I guess P will grow up without that. Families are so small now and so separated. But, it's not like she knows any different.

On deck for today? I'm working on my website. Hooray! And, we've got dinner tonight with friends. And, since it's Friday, I'm sleeping with P tonight. Seriously. I feel like I've moved into her room with the amount of traveling Mr. mouse has done recently. Golly. I wish I knew if there are any more trips planned. Oops. That would require some amount of communication and coordination which we've apparently decided to forego. Why be practical? It's so much more fun to live life blindfolded. Keeps you on your toes.

On a more happy note, I sent P with Mr. mouse to his haircut last night and used that time to catch up on emails and a monthly tax form that's due in a week. That felt good. And working on my website today will feel good as well.


Cheers!
mouse

New Day Same Spot

Dear Friends and Family,

I'll admit it. I'm not in a good spot.

Last night, P texted Mr. mouse to say good night and we received no text back. This morning, I checked the phone, and still no text back. Combined with his travel right near the holidays and a large cash withdrawal on that trip and our disagreement over this week's travel and his focus on the grapes, I'm almost inclined to believe he's having an affair.

Do I really believe he's having an affair? No, not really.

But, I do know something. I always thought of Mr. mouse as my best friend. But, I think somehow in the chaos that is our lives, sometimes I feel like that's no longer true. I think that's why it's sometimes hard to find a happy spot. I have lots of friends. But, I don't have my best friend.

How to fix the situation? I honestly don't know where to begin. We have time alone together now since P goes to bed early. But, sometimes Mr. mouse falls asleep with P and sometimes we have errands and chores and sometimes we just do our own thing and sometimes I turn in early.

I don't know how to fix the situation. And, that means I'll probably be in the same spot tomorrow that I'm in today. Time to put on a brave face and whistle a happy tune.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: I know why Mr. mouse didn't text last night. It's because we wrote to say we were going to sleep and he didn't want to risk waking us. We had that debacle on a prior trip. At least that's what I think it is. Caffeine = good.

02.04.15: Wednesday

Dear Friends and Family,

Clearly I need a new social media routine. I haven't been writing and I haven't been reading and I haven't been on Facebook. While all of this saves me time it also makes me feel a little odd like I'm in a vacuum occupied only by my thoughts and my small interactions with the world around me. It makes me feel solitary.

I think I'm still struggling with the transition I've made. And, I think I'm still struggling with winter blues.

Mr. mouse and I got into a something-or-other last night. It wasn't big enough to call a fight, but it wasn't small enough to brush off. Since I left old work, Mr. mouse has been traveling for work. Somehow he rarely traveled for work before, but now he travels regularly. I'm not sure I understand the dynamic behind it. I'm not sure if it's a hump of backlogged travel that he needs to get through or if this is the new reality. I'm not sure I understand. In fact, I'm quite sure I don't understand.

I do know how it makes me feel. It makes me feel like he's assuming I've got the flexibility to move whatever needs to be moved to manage my own calendar, P's calendar and whatever else that needs to get done. He doesn't check before he books his work travel, he doesn't let me know much in advance that he's going, and somehow he assumes it will all work out. And, in general, it does. Except, like in the Dr. Seuss books, sometimes it doesn't. And, that's where it makes me feel like he's assuming I will make everything move to work around his world.

I know he feels he makes trades offs without even letting me know about them. These sacrifices that I am oblivious to should make me feel grateful. Except, they don't. I'm unaware of them. How can I feel grateful? Instead I feel resentful and like a second class citizen.

Last month, one night, I was cleaning the family room floor because it really did need a good scrubbing. And, Mr. mouse told me he didn't marry a housewife. And, I told him that's good since I didn't want to be a housewife. Yet, in the end, I feel like it's a slippery slope and a death of a thousand cuts and sooner or later I will wake up and realize that that is exactly what I have become.

So, I've got swim this afternoon with P. I'm still trying to find time with my accountant, which is what started this whole disaster. And, I find myself struggling to keep my new year's resolution of being happy. I am sad today. I am sad because having gotten here I don't know how to get out of here to a happier place.

Mr. mouse knew I was upset last night. But, in classic Mr. mouse fashion he hunkered down and focused on his grapes. After five minutes, I got up and went to fold the laundry. The rest of the night was a combination of Mr. mouse putting away the laundry and doing who knows what in the basement and me sitting on the couch reading the news on my phone in the dark.

And, today, more solidly than ever, I feel like I own the home calendar and my calendar and P's calendar, and all of these must be able to flex as needed to accommodate Mr. mouse's calendar. And, that'll be my unhappy place until I find a way to a happier place.

I guess new year's resolution requires work. That's okay. If it's free, it's probably not worth much.


Cheers!
mouse