Centered, Take II

Dear Journal,

It's been awhile, hasn't it? I've been struggling with a bunch of things lately with the need to get motivated top on my list.

Another thing I have been struggling with is heel pain. It all started back in August when I had a bad fall. I thought it was the typical roll ankle fall. And, within a month it was feeling a lot better. But, there's been a lingering heel pain that's been keeping me less mobile. And, I think I've been favoring the heel and it's been causing all sorts of other issues in my other leg.

So, yesterday I finally decided to do something about it. I'm going to start with simple stretches and see if I can get to the point where nothing hurts on a regular basis.

Wish me luck.

Cheers!
mouse

Centered

Dear Friends and Family,

It's the infamous calm before the storm.

Tuesday, I cleaned our kitchen for the first time in 10 years. Yep, you read that right. We have cleaning help so it's not like the kitchen hasn't been touched in 10 years, which would be completely gross. But, I was, nonetheless, stunned at the amount of dirt that came out of the kitchen. I'm going to clean again this upcoming week and see if it's any better.

Wednesday, I got mail and that was enough to call it a day.

Thursday, today, I organized myself for July and I did yoga. It's not a full body workout, but it's better than nothing. And, I feel great.

Let's see what I can accomplish tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

Vacation Week 1

Dear Journal,

It's Thursday and I have survived three days of Camp Mom with P. While I've enjoyed the time, there was a moment last night at 10:30 when I lashed out at P. No, we can't do the Highlights Halloween Costume Quiz now. No! It's time to go to sleep!

We'll see what time she wakes up today. If she wakes up in time to go to the museum, that will be our use of a potentially cold and rainy day. If she sleeps in then I guess we play it by ear.

And, she's up. So, I guess we have time for the museum.


Cheers!
mouse

Summer Vacation

Dear Journal,

P's last day of school was Friday so today is our first day of summer vacation. I'm going to let her sleep in. And, then, I think we need to spend a little time organizing our day before we head out. If I plan it right, I think we can head to the museum and then from there to dance.

But, for now, while the house is asleep, I think I'm going to go work on my idea.


Cheers!
mouse

Thinking

Dear Journal,

Recently, we were on a trip, and I saw something that made me think. I saw a young, blond female begging for money at the entrance to a strip mall. Why did this stop and make me think? Well, for three reasons. The first is because she was young. The second is because she was white. The third is because she is female. Living where I live, I've become almost immune to the old, black homeless men because I see so many of them.

I wanted to help. But, I didn't know how. Then, I felt guilty because I don't feel the urge to help when I am at home. I'm still pondering. But, in the mean time, I feel like a smaller person for being less compassionate at home.


mouse

Driving and Driving

Dear Journal,

It's been a god awful week traffic-wise. It seems like every street is clogged with either road construction or building construction or cars trying to avoid the construction.

And, it brings out the absolute worst in all of us. It's every driver for himself. There's no community. There's no sharing. It's a pure selfish, narcissistic race where a second you shave off your travel time comes at the expense of a second getting added to someone else's time. And, nobody cares about anyone else's time. That second is totally worth it because it's M-I-N-E.

And, that's where road tripping is so different. The road is not a competition of inches and seconds. And, the people we meet, absolute strangers, let us into their community with no reason to share besides the fact that time isn't something they hoard the way we do. They're generous with their time wanting to get to know you and hear your stories. And, it makes me realize, much as I love living where I do, I hate driving where I do.

There are days I'd much rather be on the road.


Cheers!
mouse

Why I Think We Could Have a President Trump in November

Dear Journal,

It scares me to no end, but I do believe there's a better than even chance that come election night in November Trump is going to win and we're going to wondering how we got here.

First, there's the Republican party loyalists who are angry at the world after 8 years of an Obama presidency. They're going to go out and vote for whoever the Republican nominee is regardless.

Then, there's a world full of closet racists who have a bone to pick with the world because they don't like <insert pet peeve group here> and want a president who's going to do something about it.

Then, there's a world full of closet sexists who for whatever reason don't want a woman in the White House. Yep, in their heart of hearts they can justify why the presidency is a man's job.

That takes care of all of the people with an agenda.

Then, there's the "anybody but Hillary" people who will either vote for Trump or will stay home. Same difference.

And, last but not least, there's the angry people who want a political revolution and if they can't have Sanders will vote for Trump.

Put it all together and you can see why I'm scared. I'll vote. But, I'm not confident I'll be happy with the way things turn out.


Cheers!
mouse

The Other Things That Continues to Stay with Me

Dear Journal,

Yesterday, I mentioned two things continue to stay with me from my two fabulous trips this past spring. The first I wrote about yesterday. The second is an app I want to build. There's a bunch of stuff floating through my head about what it'll do.

I'll write some of it down on paper and then I think I'll build a paper mock up of it. Then, I think I'll be in a better spot to see if it's something worth pursuing. At the very least, building the paper mock up will be fun. So, I'll continue working on it and see if goes anywhere.


Cheers!
mouse

Tasks that Spark Joy and Tasks that Don't

Dear Journal,

Many things have already faded from my two fabulous trips this past spring, but two things continue to stay with me. One is that life is too short for bullshit. So, when I came back I started reevaluating my to do list. And, now, I have a thought process.

1. Does this task spark joy? e.g. coffee with a friend. Okay, let's do it!
2. If it doesn't spark joy, what are the ramifications if it doesn't get done? Like, does really bad stuff happen? e.g. get gas. Okay, let's put on our big boy pants and get it done.
3. Next on the list, doesn't spark joy, no major ramifications... Does it take a lot of time? No? e.g. scheduling a swim make up. Okay, keep the big boy pants on and get it done.
4. The craptastic stuff comes last. Doesn't spark joy. No major ramifications if it doesn't get done. Takes a boatload of time. Seriously. Yes, those tasks existed in my world. e.g. fixing the AM radio on our car. This is where life is different now. Those tasks. The ones that bring no joy, have no ramifications if they don't happen, and take lots of time. Those tasks? They just don't get done now. Not only do they not get done.

I cross them off of my list so I'm no longer dragging them around month to month with a guilty conscience that whispers into my ear that that task needs to be attended to. Nope. Gone.

What's on the docket for today?

1. weigh in: the number doesn't bring joy, but seeing it go down week to week does
2. flonase: doesn't bring joy, but being allergy free does
3. coffee with Steve: joy
4. no eating until 11 am: not joyful, but seeing the weigh in number go down is
5. meeting at school: joy
6. pick up P: joy
7. dance class: I get to see my girlfriend, we're playing Room 3, joy
8. parent watch week: J-O-Y!!!
9. clear kitchen counters: takes 5 minutes now that it's under control
10. emails: took 10 minutes this morning
11. clean bathroom cups: because they get gross if we don't run them through the dishwasher on some regularity

See, not so bad. Much better than sitting at a car dealership getting the AM radio looked at.


Cheers!
mouse

Why I Watch My Kid

Dear Journal,

We were at Mr. mouse's reunion this weekend and I noticed something I wanted to write about. They had a kids' tent set up with face painting and balloon animals and caricature drawing and chicken tenders and a kids' entertainer. He told jokes. He juggled. He clowned around. He kept the kids occupied and entertained.

Some kids gave the entertainer his space and watched and laughed and raised their hands when he asked for volunteers. Other kids rummaged through his bag even after he repeatedly asked them not to. The same kids crowded him even after he repeatedly asked them not to. The same kids interrupted him even trying to catch things he was in the middle of juggling even after he repeatedly asked them not to.

Wow, how can parents so completely abdicate their responsibility as caregivers? It's our job to make sure our children are behaving themselves. I know with near absolute certainty that I could have left P unattended and she would have continued to behave. In fact, she got mad when I pulled her over to remind her that I expect her to behave even when other kids are clearly misbehaving. She gets mad at me because it insults her when I remind her - like I think she's capable of being that rude.

But, then, in an odd way, it makes sense. I can leave her unattended because I rarely do leave her unattended. She's learned what's acceptable because I step in when she crosses the line. By the same logic, the kids that can't be left unattended are the ones that have always been left unattended. They've never learned what's acceptable because their parents haven't stepped in when they've crossed the line.

Parents rarely tend to leave little kids alone because it's not safe. But a combination of factors kick in as the kids grow older. One, they can take better care of themselves so you worry less about their safety. And, two, convenience and laziness kick in. At some point, you want to be able to have adult conversations and it's just easier to let "kids be kids" than it is to keep that close of an eye on them.

But you can't. Not until your kid is truly ready. And, it's your job as a parent to persevere until your child is ready. That means if at 15 they still can't resist trying to grab the juggler's bowling pin, you need to be there at 15, ready to whack them upside the proverbial head when they try to grab the bowling pin.


Cheers!
mouse

Being a Mom

Dear Journal,

I had a sad dream a couple of weeks ago. P and I were at some screening point and we were getting ready to go to some destination that had restrictions on what you can bring. But, in my dream, the restrictions didn't make a lot of sense. So, lots of people packed lots of things that weren't allowed and they had to go through each of our bags one at a time taking out the things that weren't allowed. The person in front of me had all sorts of stuff and her inspector was letting all sorts of stuff go that shouldn't have been allowed.

Well, she took so long, I missed the bus so P went off without me. And, I was stuck worrying about P since I wasn't there to watch over her. And, I was stuck wanting to be with her. And, I saw the pile of stuff that got pulled from P's bag. And, it looked like she had a super strict inspector who pulled all sorts of stuff from her bag. A lot of it was innocent stuff that she just couldn't explain to the inspector since she was the youngest one on the tour. And, I was sad for P that I didn't get to say goodbye.

But, in my dream, I realized she would be okay. She's resilient and resourceful and generally inclined to happiness and optimism. And, I woke up feeling sad and anxious and happy at the same time. I guess that's what being a mom is about.


Cheers!
mouse

Why I Am Writing Again

Dear Journal,

Why am I writing again?

Well, because I'm hoping it will help me think through and work through all the stuff in my head. And, I'm hoping it'll also help me capture memories. And, last but not least, because I hope it'll bring a measure of calm and routine back into my life.

Before you think all is gloom and doom in the mouse pad, let me reassure you, it's not. I'm actually in a pretty good spot all things considering. But, that's only because I've been working at happiness. I've been purposefully jettisoning a lot of the things that could annoy me. And, that, I think is the secret to all of this. If it doesn't bring happiness, find a way to eliminate it from your life.

Before I left on my road trip, my task list average 14 items per day. Now, it's down to 8. And, the 6 items I took off, they're things that either brought no joy or, even worse, annoyed me. That's close to half my day! Goodbye and good riddance.

And, that, is why I'm writing again. Because in addition to everything else I've mentioned, it makes me realize I'm making progress.


Cheers!
mouse

Seven Years

Dear Journal,

It's Wednesday, May 11th today. P turns seven today. And, for the first time we won't be together on her actual birthday moment. She'll be in school and we'll be going about our afternoon. One more step in the continual move towards independence.

A lot has changed in this past year. When I see pictures of P now compared to pictures of her a year ago, it's clear. Somewhere in the past year, we crossed over from little kid to kid. It's not just the hair. She hasn't grown much more than an inch. She hasn't put on more than a pound or two. I can still easily carry her. She still gets shoulders.

It's her face and her attitude that have changed. She's still a kid with lots of kid questions. But, she's not a little kid. She's logical. She draws inferences. She draws from memory and experience. She interpolates and extrapolates. She remembers. She helps. She comforts. She supports. She has preferences. She has friends. She makes jokes and plays pranks. She is kind. She is loving. She has a personality. She is so much more than I could have imagined seven years ago.

So, we celebrate. And, I couldn't be prouder of the kid we have in our family. I wonder what the next year will bring.


Cheers!
mouse