Centered

Dear Friends and Family,

It's the infamous calm before the storm.

Tuesday, I cleaned our kitchen for the first time in 10 years. Yep, you read that right. We have cleaning help so it's not like the kitchen hasn't been touched in 10 years, which would be completely gross. But, I was, nonetheless, stunned at the amount of dirt that came out of the kitchen. I'm going to clean again this upcoming week and see if it's any better.

Wednesday, I got mail and that was enough to call it a day.

Thursday, today, I organized myself for July and I did yoga. It's not a full body workout, but it's better than nothing. And, I feel great.

Let's see what I can accomplish tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

Summer Vacation

Dear Journal,

P's last day of school was Friday so today is our first day of summer vacation. I'm going to let her sleep in. And, then, I think we need to spend a little time organizing our day before we head out. If I plan it right, I think we can head to the museum and then from there to dance.

But, for now, while the house is asleep, I think I'm going to go work on my idea.


Cheers!
mouse

Thinking

Dear Journal,

Recently, we were on a trip, and I saw something that made me think. I saw a young, blond female begging for money at the entrance to a strip mall. Why did this stop and make me think? Well, for three reasons. The first is because she was young. The second is because she was white. The third is because she is female. Living where I live, I've become almost immune to the old, black homeless men because I see so many of them.

I wanted to help. But, I didn't know how. Then, I felt guilty because I don't feel the urge to help when I am at home. I'm still pondering. But, in the mean time, I feel like a smaller person for being less compassionate at home.


mouse

Driving and Driving

Dear Journal,

It's been a god awful week traffic-wise. It seems like every street is clogged with either road construction or building construction or cars trying to avoid the construction.

And, it brings out the absolute worst in all of us. It's every driver for himself. There's no community. There's no sharing. It's a pure selfish, narcissistic race where a second you shave off your travel time comes at the expense of a second getting added to someone else's time. And, nobody cares about anyone else's time. That second is totally worth it because it's M-I-N-E.

And, that's where road tripping is so different. The road is not a competition of inches and seconds. And, the people we meet, absolute strangers, let us into their community with no reason to share besides the fact that time isn't something they hoard the way we do. They're generous with their time wanting to get to know you and hear your stories. And, it makes me realize, much as I love living where I do, I hate driving where I do.

There are days I'd much rather be on the road.


Cheers!
mouse

Why I Think We Could Have a President Trump in November

Dear Journal,

It scares me to no end, but I do believe there's a better than even chance that come election night in November Trump is going to win and we're going to wondering how we got here.

First, there's the Republican party loyalists who are angry at the world after 8 years of an Obama presidency. They're going to go out and vote for whoever the Republican nominee is regardless.

Then, there's a world full of closet racists who have a bone to pick with the world because they don't like <insert pet peeve group here> and want a president who's going to do something about it.

Then, there's a world full of closet sexists who for whatever reason don't want a woman in the White House. Yep, in their heart of hearts they can justify why the presidency is a man's job.

That takes care of all of the people with an agenda.

Then, there's the "anybody but Hillary" people who will either vote for Trump or will stay home. Same difference.

And, last but not least, there's the angry people who want a political revolution and if they can't have Sanders will vote for Trump.

Put it all together and you can see why I'm scared. I'll vote. But, I'm not confident I'll be happy with the way things turn out.


Cheers!
mouse

Tasks that Spark Joy and Tasks that Don't

Dear Journal,

Many things have already faded from my two fabulous trips this past spring, but two things continue to stay with me. One is that life is too short for bullshit. So, when I came back I started reevaluating my to do list. And, now, I have a thought process.

1. Does this task spark joy? e.g. coffee with a friend. Okay, let's do it!
2. If it doesn't spark joy, what are the ramifications if it doesn't get done? Like, does really bad stuff happen? e.g. get gas. Okay, let's put on our big boy pants and get it done.
3. Next on the list, doesn't spark joy, no major ramifications... Does it take a lot of time? No? e.g. scheduling a swim make up. Okay, keep the big boy pants on and get it done.
4. The craptastic stuff comes last. Doesn't spark joy. No major ramifications if it doesn't get done. Takes a boatload of time. Seriously. Yes, those tasks existed in my world. e.g. fixing the AM radio on our car. This is where life is different now. Those tasks. The ones that bring no joy, have no ramifications if they don't happen, and take lots of time. Those tasks? They just don't get done now. Not only do they not get done.

I cross them off of my list so I'm no longer dragging them around month to month with a guilty conscience that whispers into my ear that that task needs to be attended to. Nope. Gone.

What's on the docket for today?

1. weigh in: the number doesn't bring joy, but seeing it go down week to week does
2. flonase: doesn't bring joy, but being allergy free does
3. coffee with Steve: joy
4. no eating until 11 am: not joyful, but seeing the weigh in number go down is
5. meeting at school: joy
6. pick up P: joy
7. dance class: I get to see my girlfriend, we're playing Room 3, joy
8. parent watch week: J-O-Y!!!
9. clear kitchen counters: takes 5 minutes now that it's under control
10. emails: took 10 minutes this morning
11. clean bathroom cups: because they get gross if we don't run them through the dishwasher on some regularity

See, not so bad. Much better than sitting at a car dealership getting the AM radio looked at.


Cheers!
mouse

Why I Am Writing Again

Dear Journal,

Why am I writing again?

Well, because I'm hoping it will help me think through and work through all the stuff in my head. And, I'm hoping it'll also help me capture memories. And, last but not least, because I hope it'll bring a measure of calm and routine back into my life.

Before you think all is gloom and doom in the mouse pad, let me reassure you, it's not. I'm actually in a pretty good spot all things considering. But, that's only because I've been working at happiness. I've been purposefully jettisoning a lot of the things that could annoy me. And, that, I think is the secret to all of this. If it doesn't bring happiness, find a way to eliminate it from your life.

Before I left on my road trip, my task list average 14 items per day. Now, it's down to 8. And, the 6 items I took off, they're things that either brought no joy or, even worse, annoyed me. That's close to half my day! Goodbye and good riddance.

And, that, is why I'm writing again. Because in addition to everything else I've mentioned, it makes me realize I'm making progress.


Cheers!
mouse

Yawn...

Dear Friends and Family,

It's not a morning for half-caf coffee. P tossed and turned around 2 and I woke up briefly to make sure she was okay. Then, Mr. mouse's alarm went off around 3 and I woke up briefly. Then, my alarm went off around 4:15 and I brewed a fully leaded cup of coffee. I think as long as I get my day started in the next 30 minutes I'll be okay.

The only wrench in the morning is cleaning P's arm. She has a blister on it from some medicine the dermatologist put on it Monday night and we need to clean it this morning. Other than that, it's a standard morning. I think I'll go get started so we're not too rushed.


Cheers!
mouse

Back Under Control

Dear Friends and Family,

After neglecting essentially everything for the summer, I feel like my life has some semblance of control again. My email inbox is back to five unanswered emails. I paper pile is under an inch tall and I know what is in it. My calendar is up to date. The kitchen island is clear.

How did I let the summer happen to me? I know where a lot of the summer went. A lot of the summer went to planning our vacation. The rest of the summer went to walking. And, a piece went to playing with P and solving her eczema. Was it all worth it? I guess. But, I'm glad to be back in control of my life again.

Time to get ready for my day.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: Mr. mouse and I had a second night of crepes and wine. I've decided I like crepes and wine for dessert.

Disorganized and Feeling Overwhelmed

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm pretty sure I missed my tax payment yesterday. And, we would have missed P's dress code today if Mr. mouse's calendar wasn't up to date. I'm quite positive my email is out of control. And, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I need to take some time today and get organized. I hate this feeling of missing things.

On a positive note, I tracked all of my food yesterday. And, I had my vitamin with my measured coffee this morning.


Cheers!
mouse

New Day

Dear Friends and Family,

They say that sometimes a keystone habit is what you need to get started. And, today, I did a tiny thing towards getting back on Weight Watchers. I measured my coffee and tracked it. I took my multi-vitamin and tracked it. We'll see if I can now get through the whole day tracking my food.

I also made it a point to try and get through all of my to dos yesterday. If I can get through my to dos today I may feel like I'm getting somewhere.


Cheers!
mouse

09.08.15: Last Day of Summer Vacation

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Tuesday. P starts school tomorrow. So, it's our last day of summer vacation before she starts first grade. We don't have anything specific planned, but I'm sure I'll enjoy the day.

And, tomorrow kicks off a new day. P will be back in school. Mr. mouse will be back at work. And, I will be wrapping my head around my new day. There's so much I put on hold over the summer I'm a little bit at a loss on where to begin. I should probably take the time to create a new Top 3.

There is one thing I am able to wrap my head around that I am super excited about. Mr. mouse switched jobs (same company, new department) and as a result got a pay increase. After being on a budget for a year, I felt like we had a good handle on things. In fact, outside of August (we had to replace our hot water heater) we had been consistently under spending our monthly budget. So, I decided to create a new line item in our budget - experience fund: doing something new or different or a fan favorite. In other words, the money can't be used to buy stuff. It's meant to do stuff, like go to see a play or try a new restaurant or travel or try something, but not to buy anything for us or the house or for other people. I think I'm fine using it to entertain because there is something new gained by spending time with friends. I'm super excited to see what we end up spending the money on. I think it'll be a great way to expand our horizons.

Oh, in case you're wondering, where did the last two weeks go? We went to Disney World and did the Magic Kingdom for two days. The original idea was to have P nap in the car, but that didn't work because frankly the car is just too far away to be a practical napping point. Instead, she spent a lot of time in her stroller and ate a lot of sugar and got to stay up until midnight each night. Then, we spent two low key days at Legoland Florida. We rode the rides, played with the legos, bought souvenirs, and watched the shows. It was a vacation my sister had been trying to plan for awhile so I'm glad we finally got to go. We all enjoyed it and P still talks about different things she noticed while on the rides or seeing the shows.

Then, we came home, unpacked, repacked, and headed out to Spain. Mr. mouse had a trip to Madrid and P and I decided to tag along since all we needed to pay for was our food and entertainment. We took P to see Guernica since she's a big Picasso fan. And, we played a little in the playground. But, the primary purpose of the trip was to buy P's clothes. We spent a lot of time shopping. P got her fall wardrobe and we didn't have to spend a small fortune. For example, at home, a pair of pants that fit her proportions costs $42. Yep, $42 for kid's pants. In Spain, we were able to buy pants for half that price. Dresses? half off. Sweaters? half off. Tops? half off. Shoes? no dice, more expensive and lower quality. So, we bought almost all of her fall and winter clothes while we were in Spain.

So, that's been our life the past two weeks. Time to get ready for the day.


Cheers!
mouse

August Catch Up

Dear Friends and Family,

It's almost my birthday which means it's almost September which means it's almost the start of school. And, before I know it, it'll be time to think of Halloween costumes, go shopping for turkey, figure out Christmas plans, and ring in the New Year. Yep. That's how I know another year has flown by because it's almost my birthday.

Where did this summer go? Well, it started with a bruiser of a weekend that included reunion for Mr. mouse and a recital for P and some high stress in coordinating the weekend. Then, there was a flurry of camps which involved new friends and new routines every week it seemed. Next year I think we'll aim for more continuity. And, before you knew it summer camp was over. My mom flew out last week and spent some time with P. And, we've got plans with my sister next week. Mr. mouse has a trip. We may or may not follow.

We got an iPad for P although it's officially for the family because the Kindle was on its last legs and she learned so much in technology camp we didn't want it to stop because we weren't willing to invest in an iPad. We traveled and got to see Niagara Falls, Cave of the Mounds, and all things Lincoln since we skipped on dance classes this summer.

We tried to figure out P's eczema and made some progress. I think the initial breaks in the skin come from abrasion, either playing in the park or on the beach. Then, if we get chlorine in it it gets worse. So we didn't spend a lot of time at the parks or the pool this summer. Instead we played Guess Who Star Wars Edition at the library, did jigsaw puzzles and read at Barnes and Noble.

P figured out the monkey bars. P got three wiggly teeth.

I put my work on hold. I got a Fitbit. I walked a ton and then lost a little motivation. I restarted Weight Watchers, lost 15 pounds and stopped tracking. I've maintained my weight loss but haven't lost any more since I stopped tracking. I planned our trip to Disney. I planned a road trip I plan on taking next spring with a girlfriend.

Mr. mouse got a new job at the same company. He had to deal with a hot water heater replacement.

Oh, and we've been growing peppers on the roof. That's our summer.


Cheers!
mouse

Work Week Hustles and My Fitbit

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, the last day of yet another work week hustle. I have a love-hate relationship with my fitbit. On the one hand, I'm getting more exercise than I would have without it. This is indisputable. On the other hand, I'm getting a lot less of everything else done. This too is indisputable.

I'm sure the exercise is good for me although I'm not convinced it's making a difference in my weight loss. But, I'm also sure that falling behind on everything else is bad for me. I need to find a better balance.

Today is the last day of this week's work week hustle. Perhaps I should sit next week's out. Or make it a promise to myself to go in the morning before camp drop off. Or something. I need to get a grip. But, for today, I'll go on a nice long walk after I drop P off at camp.


Cheers!
mouse

Onions

Dear Friends and Family,

Who knows us? That's a question that I've been thinking about lately.

I think about me and who knows me. And, I wonder if I really know the people I think I know. I know Mr. mouse is a lot more trusting than I am that he believes a lot more in people than I do. His trust is more transitive than mine. If there's someone he trusts, and they trust someone else, he tends to trust the third person as well. But, if there's someone I trust, and they trust someone else, well, to me, that third person is still a stranger and only a couple notches above the average person I might see walking down the street.

And, I wonder who knows me. I think on the surface I am a happy person with likable traits, I think. But, underneath that there's a layer that can get sad and troubled with baggage from the past and ghosts and paranoias and demons aplenty. I don't like to admit to that side of me, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit it existed. I feel like the less I acknowledge it the less voice it has. I wonder if other people have similar fears or if this is something most people live their whole lives without encountering. I wonder if it can be inherited or learned. I wonder if it's something I need to watch for in P.

If you go deeper, you find something else, more. In some members of my family, it is hard and brittle and, perhaps, broken. In others, it's more tempered, more resilient, but still strong. This thing, I'm not sure where it comes from, but when backed into a corner, it refuses to yield, it fights without compromise. Only, for me, it exacts a price. After long periods of high stress, my thyroid yields, it forgets how to work and I need medication to get it back under control. I know that repeated rounds of medication will eventually kill my thyroid, so I know I need to figure this out, but in reality I don't think I have. I want to teach P to be strong, but I don't think it's healthy to have this. I hope it's not inherited, but sadly I think it can be. I already see shades of it in P.

Yet, deep inside, there's a place that still trusts and still believes and still loves and is willing to be vulnerable. I know that is the person Mr. mouse fell in love with. But, I feel like that is a place with a strong door with a big lock and I'm not sure where I've put the key. I don't think I can find the key. I think I need to wait for the key to find me. Perhaps one day Mr. mouse will find that person again. I kind of hope he does because I kind of like her. I have faith that I will one day because when I see P I see her. P still trusts and believes and loves. She hasn't picked up the fears and darkness and anger that people my head.

I hope that her world can continue, at least a little longer, to be that happy place.


Cheers!
mouse

Waiting

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, June 26th, and I feel like I'm waiting. I'm glad the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Affordable Care Act. Now, I'm waiting to hear how they rule on marriage equality. It would be amazing if they rule in favor of marriage equality.

Then, on a more personal note, I'm waiting to see how the month end retirement review will go. I know it's just a point in time, but I like to keep track of how our money is growing (or not growing) so I know if we're in good shape (or bad shape) come retirement.

Then, there's P's dance audition. The studio told us that we would know by July 1 where our kids were placed. So, I'm waiting.

Then, I'm waiting on the weather. There's a carnival in town that we love to take P to. The weather's been abysmal this summer. So, I'm waiting to see how the weather develops for Fourth of July weekend.

Yep. That's a lot of waiting for the next couple of days.


Cheers!
mouse

Manners, People

Dear People in the Suburbs,

I signed my kid up for camp for a week in your suburbs. And, frankly, you should be embarrassed. Your manners are appalling.

Parking. I get parking can be hard to find. But, when the lot is half empty, it's not cool to double park. Take a designated parking spot. And, if you double park, double park along the perimeter of the lot. Don't block the entrance to the lot by double parking in the entrance.

Moms with strollers or really anyone with strollers. I get that people with strollers can be slower than people without strollers. That does not make it okay to push past them willy-nilly when they've been waiting in line to pick up their kid. We're all here for pick-up. They let us in at 11:50 and give us 15 minutes to pick up our children. She's been waiting in line just like the rest of us. There's no real reward for shoving past her to get to your kid. Your kid is safe in the classroom. I waited in line like a civilized person and got my kid by 11:53. Really.

Walking in a crowd. First of all, if you're walking in a crowd, teach your kid to walk next to you or hold their hand. It's not okay to shove another person aside to get to your kid because you let your kid run wild. Second of all, there are kids walking in the crowd, it's not okay to shove someone else's kid to get out the door 5 seconds faster. The building's not on fire. And even if it was, shoving a six year old kid aside to get out first says a lot about who you are.

Stopping and talking. I know. It's exciting to see your friends and it's nice to be able to stop and talk for a couple of minutes before you disband. I do it too. But, I don't do it at the doorway to the school. No one can get out if the six of you are blocking the doorway. Please remember there are people pushing and shoving to get out as if the building is on fire. You're in their way and my way too.

Stop signs. Okay. Here's what I learned when I took my driving test. You stop at a stop sign, check for oncoming traffic, go when the traffic is clear and it's safe to proceed. When it's a four way stop, everyone stops and takes turns. When it's a two way stop, the people with the stop sign wait until the other street is clear and then proceed. Honking at me does not make the other cars in oncoming traffic disappear or stop. Honking more at me does not do the trick. It merely irritates me to no end. I've seen how you all drive. You treat the stop sign by the school as a merge sign. You expect traffic to stop for you. Guess what? That works until one car isn't playing by those rules. And, when that happens you're in the wrong since you clearly had a stop sign and they didn't. Don't be an ass and sit there and honk. There's a nice break in the traffic every 90 seconds when the light turns red. Sometimes there's a break before that, but sometimes you have to wait it out.

Now, fortunately, I've been in other suburbs and know that most of them are completely civilized places where the people have manners and teach their kids to have manners. But, frankly, I've seen better manners on the bus and train than I have this past week in your town.


Yours truly,
mouse

Last Day before Camp

Dear Friends and Family,

And just like that two weeks have passed and P starts camp on Monday. I'll be honest I think we're both looking forward to it. Unlike last summer we did not get to many parks or museums or play dates. We spent a lot of time inside either playing or doing some form of enrichment. The hot, humid weather with a constant threat of torrential deluges just wasn't a great motivation to go out and explore. Well, P's got a week of full-day camp which I will use to catch up. Then, she's got five weeks of half-day camp. Hopefully we'll be able to use that time more constructively than we used the last two weeks.

I think camp will also help because it will force us to get P up in the morning which will also then give her a reason to go to sleep earlier at night.

Today? It's another blah day weather-wise. We have an appointment at one o'clock to baseline P's reading and math to see where she's at.


Cheers!
mouse

Hot and Humid Start to Summer

Dear Friends and Family,

It's been 90+ degrees and humid the past couple of days with daily threats of deluge thundershowers. It's not the best weather for planning and P and I have been reluctant to melt outdoors in the middle of the day. We've been making the best of our time indoors. But, I'd love a sunny, clear day with highs somewhere in the 80's. Just one day would be great. Unfortunately, when we look ahead to the weather, it shows more of the same for the next 7-10 days. Ugh. If I had known it would be this brutal, I might have been tempted to sign P up for camp.

Still, I should remind myself that I'm fortunate to be able to have this time with P. She's a good kid and I love her to pieces.


Cheers!
mouse

Riding in Cars

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, we had such nice plans. We were going to start with a quick 30 minute errand followed by lunch at one of P's favorite restaurants. Then, we were going to go to the park and play before swim.

Instead, we got stuck in horrendous traffic and barely got to the restaurant before it closed. Instead of a nice leisurely lunch we hurried through our food. Sigh. Then, we got stuck in horrendous traffic again and barely got to swim on time. Instead of fun times on the monkey bars we hurried through the changing room. Double sigh.

When we got out from swim, P asked if we could go to the park. Since we had sat in the car all day, I agreed. The rest of the evening was fine. I just could have done without three extra hours of driving.


Cheers!
mouse