Centered, Take II

Dear Journal,

It's been awhile, hasn't it? I've been struggling with a bunch of things lately with the need to get motivated top on my list.

Another thing I have been struggling with is heel pain. It all started back in August when I had a bad fall. I thought it was the typical roll ankle fall. And, within a month it was feeling a lot better. But, there's been a lingering heel pain that's been keeping me less mobile. And, I think I've been favoring the heel and it's been causing all sorts of other issues in my other leg.

So, yesterday I finally decided to do something about it. I'm going to start with simple stretches and see if I can get to the point where nothing hurts on a regular basis.

Wish me luck.

Cheers!
mouse

6am Nurse Visit

Dear Friends and Family,

Fascinating.

In the process of moving benefits from my work to Mr. mouse's work, I must have tripped a wire because my life insurance didn't go through as smoothly as my former life insurance application did. When I applied five years ago, I had to answer a dozen questions on-line and sign a form. This time, I needed to have a mini-physical. A nurse visited me. She took down my height, my weight, my blood pressure, my pulse. She took down my medical history. And, she took a urine sample and blood sample.

It all took about thirty minutes. And, now, I am free to have my tea and go on with my day. While it was inconvenient, not being able to have my tea when I first woke up, it was WAY more convenient than having to schedule a doctor's appointment and have an office visit.

Somehow, I think it's cheaper for the insurance company as well. Yes, the person who came has to be qualified to conduct the visit. And, yes, she spends time traveling vs. going back to back with patients. But, there's no overhead. There's no office that needs to be maintained. There's no additional staff checking people in. There's nothing outside of her bag and her pen. It seems so self-contained.

Fascinating.


Cheers!
mouse

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Wednesday. I'm finding a routine. It's not the routine I imagined. But, it's a routine.

I may need to revisit it see if it's meeting my needs. Speaking of which, what are my needs? After all, how do I know if it's meeting my needs if I don't even know what my needs are?!?!

So far, I've been focused on four things...

There's being a good mom which is now reduced to a couple of tasks I try to accomplish each day. I drop P off on time at school. I pick P up on time at school. I feed P a snack. I let P play for 5-10 minutes. I make P go potty. I put a pull-up on P. I read P a book. I let P nap until Mr. mouse gets home. So much for lots of Mommy-kid time. I suppose things will change once she starts skipping her nap.

There's being a good worker. This has been going fine. I need a better way to mesh my work calendar and my home calendar. I feel like, right now, things could overlap if I'm not careful. I suppose one way of doing it is to add any of my home commitments to my work calendar if they happen to occur before 2 o'clock. That will probably take care of surprises.

There's taking care of laundry and dishes. These were supposed to be my "small wins" to get my day started. And, they do get my day started. Still, my day goes so quickly. I had visions of a clean and orderly house. But, so far, the house is as much of a disaster as it was when I left work. I spent some time yesterday while P was napping organizing the house.

There's trying to tackle the to do list. This has been an epic battle and one that I am losing. But, perhaps this isn't a bad thing. I got through all of the super time-sensitive tasks I need to get through to get P through the first weeks of school. Now, it's flooded with nits and gnats associated with trying to ensure P has clothes and with making sure our weekends are planned out and other stuff. It may be time to take a break from the to do list and focus on something that will be more fulfilling.

Okay, assuming I've got the good mom thing and the good worker thing down, I suppose I've got a couple of options. I can work on my idea. I can work on the house. I can continue on the dratted to do list. I can work on me. All good options.

I think I'll work on me.

That's something to contemplate. Work on me. I'll need to give that some thought. I'd love to be back at my goal weight. Perhaps it's time to establish some habit routines around that.


Cheers!
mouse

2000 Posts Later

Dear Friends and Family,

First, the good news. My doctor told me I could stop taking my medication. I'm waiting for the lab numbers today. But, I'm not planning on taking medication today since my doctor told me I didn't need to. Now, I just need to keep my stress and my iodine intake under control.

Second, the slightly unbelievable. 2,000 posts. Really? Wow. Which begs the question, where was mouse 2,000 posts ago? I was getting ready to leave work. I was working on my house. I was focused on my health. Funny, 2,000 posts later, and life hasn't changed much.

I'm looking forward to my time off. Eight weeks can't come soon enough.


Cheers!
mouse

Doctor's Appointment, Fingers Crossed

Dear Friends and Family,

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I'm really hoping I can be done with my thyroid medication.

I feel like I've slept the last six months and I still feel exhausted. I know there are people out there dealing with real illness, life or death illness, who would trade spots with me in a heartbeat. What's a little tired and fat compared to real pain and suffering? Nothing.

I should keep this all in perspective. And, because I have my doctor's appointment, I get to leave after lunch today. Making lemonade out of lemons.

Still hoping I can be done with my thyroid medication.


Cheers!
mouse

Round 3: Week 0 Progress

Dear Friends and Family,

I got back my lab results and my doctor reduced my thyroid medicine again to half a pill a day for six weeks. To keep things simple, I took 21 pills and cut them in half all at once.

I'm feeling fine. I'm a little cold at night and I get tired earlier than I would if my thyroid levels were higher. I'm beginning to lose the weight I put on when my medication took me from hyper to hypo. My symptoms are at bay.

Am I glad I went on the medication? At the moment, yes. Do I wish I never had a recurrence in the first place? Of course, obviously. I guess I'll take it from here. Take my medicine and see where I am in six weeks. What choice do I have?

On a separate note, I dropped off the mugs yesterday and no one died. Our house is a little less cluttered for it although you technically can't tell since the mugs were stored in a cabinet over the stove behind closed doors. Still, technically a little less cluttered for it. I guess it was the right thing to do.


Cheers!
mouse

Reconnected

Dear Friends and Family,

Living without internet for the past week has been both a blessing and a curse. It frees up time that we spend on-line, but it makes things like looking up P's rash impossible to do.

Since we last spoke, we went home to visit my college roommate and celebrate her son's birthday. In the process, I had a chance to catch up with the whole college crowd. It was so good to see them and to talk and relax and enjoy ourselves. We had takeout brought to her house on Saturday and everyone gorged while the kids ran around the living room. Let me take that back, the boys ran around the living room while P played quietly by herself. Sunday, we had brunch and a quick trip to the museum before coming home. It was a perfect weekend trip.

The thyroid update. I'm 3 weeks into my new dosage. Eyes feel good. Hands feel good. Heart feels good. Less sleepy at night which is good. Internals feeling less convoluted which is good. More blood work on Tuesday. Fingers crossed. I'm not sure what for, but still, life feels better with fingers crossed than not.

Work update. I have a new boss. I'll see how much I like him. He's promised me extra people to help in my work and a raise - both good things. But, truth be told, I had a MAJOR blow-up with someone I work with. I'm ready to tell my boss I can't work with that someone any more. I can't. I think he'll be replaced in mid-Feb so this may resolve itself on its own. All that being said, I'm still more jazzed about my idea than I am about work. And, I still have my timeline framed up for leaving sometime between September and December as long as P gets into school this March. We'll have to see how school turns out before making any giant commitments for the fall.

P update. See it's been busy. P had pink eye starting Friday afternoon. She had fever starting Saturday evening. She had rash starting Monday evening. She stayed home with Mr. mouse yesterday. She's staying home with me today. Let's hope we can make it over the hump otherwise we need to reschedule her play date this Friday. Wait, that's tomorrow, isn't it? Lovely. Fingers crossed.

Home update. So much to do. Financial aid forms. Trip planning. Party clean up. I'm frazzled just thinking about it.

It's good to be back on-line.


Cheers!
mouse

Week 2: Where's mouse At?

Dear Friends and Family,

Following thyroid issues can make even the most sane person into a hypochondriac. The symptoms are subtle and open to interpretation. On top of that, it's easy to attribute them to things not related to your thyroid. A pound weight gain could be eating too much or it could by your thyroid. Being cold could be the weather or it could be your thyroid. Dry skin could be winter or it could be your thyroid. Rinse. Repeat.

So, how am I doing? Nothing noticeably different from last week. I have woken a few times before my alarm. I'm not passing out as often the second I get home. My internals seem to be going a bit faster. Yesterday, I felt my pulse race when I had an Almond Joy. I can drink caffeinated teas without much concern. I've stopped the steady creep in body weight.

All in all, I guess that all equates to feeling better. Two weeks down. Two more weeks until my next check-in.


Cheers!
mouse

Week 1: Where's mouse At?

Dear Friends and Family,

I've been on my new medication dosage for a week now. I've had a couple of scare moments. There was one when I noticed hand tremors on Saturday at lunch and another when I noticed palpitations on Saturday at dinner.

I'm going to chalk up dinner to whatever I ate at the restaurant because I've had that happen before and because I wasn't under any stress (physical or mental) when it started.

The hand tremors? Not sure what to make of it. Will have to watch it for now.

Still a little sensitive to the cold. Still weighing myself every day to manage the weight gain associated with high TSH levels.

All in all, I'm glad I went on the medications. Still, I'll be glad once I'm off of them again.

We have a parent meeting this afternoon, another parent meeting on Thursday, a kid screening on Thursday, coupled with a new boss, a broken retainer, and our annual new year's party.

Let the chaos begin.


Cheers!
mouse

Week 0: New Medication Dosage

Dear Friends and Family,

I went in Tuesday for some lab tests to gauge the progress of my thyroid. And, in true mouse form, it's swung radically in the other direction. From 0 to 15. Keep in mind the normal range is 0.3 to something like 3.0. Yep.

My doctor told me to halve the dosage of my medication. And, to check-in with him in four to six weeks. So, last night, I didn't take my medication and this morning I will.

I'll consider it progress of sorts.


Cheers!
mouse

Thyroid Check In: Week 1

Dear Friends and Family,

I've been on methimazole for a week now. How's mouse doing?

I'm enjoying the freedom of slowly expanding my diet to include normal foods again. I'm noticing a drop-off in the number of heart palpitations although it should be noticed they still exist. My eyes don't bother me as often. I still get hand tremors when I'm close to my next dose of medicine, but my hands are more steady than they were.

In summary, I still have some symptoms, but they're not as pronounced as they were a week ago. I'm supposed to keep taking the propranolol for a week longer and then discontinue its use.

As scared as I was to get back on the medication, I'm glad I did.


Cheers!
mouse

Why I Chose to Get Medicated

Dear Friends and Family,

I figured out why I chose to get medicated. The hyperthyroidism is making me tired. I sleep a lot. I feel like I'm missing out on quality time with P because I'm sleeping so much. If the medication can relieve some of the tiredness, I'll be able to spend more time with P.

And, that's why I chose to get medicated.


Cheers!
mouse

Medicated

Dear Friends and Family,

I went to the see an endocrinologist yesterday and he recommended I get on thyroid medication. While my thyroid levels themselves didn't seem to really concern him, my antibody levels were apparently rather alarming. What is a puzzle is why my thyroid levels weren't even higher.

We quickly ruled out radioactive iodine. And, we just as quickly ruled out doing nothing. The former because my case wasn't bad enough to warrant radioactive iodine. The latter because my case wasn't likely to improve without intervention and doing nothing has risks as well.

This left two options, methimazole and PTU. Since I'm not pregnant, nor trying to become pregnant, and since I've taken methimazole in the past, we decided to go that route.

I'm taking 20 mg a day of the methimazole and 20 mg a day of the propranolol. I have a follow-up lab in 4-6 weeks. We'll go from there. Between now and then, I need to get a better handle on my stress and I need to add iodine back into my diet. Soy sauce is my goal for this week.

I've come to the realization that I'm sick and treating myself is better than sitting in semi-denial. Here's to getting better!


Cheers!
mouse

Officially Hyperthyroid

Dear Friends and Family,

Just got back my lab results from Tuesday and I need to resign myself to the fact that I'm hyperthyroid again. I've got an appointment with an endocrinologist on Tuesday. I hope I feel comfortable with his treatment recommendations.

If not, I'll be headed out to see my old endocrinologist. Happiness and joy.

On a positive front, I've got an add to my clutter diet list.


Cheers!
mouse

One More Item to Add to the Verboten List

Dear Friends and Family,

Well, yesterday's doctor's appointment went about as planned. I have a follow up appointment with an endocrinologist next Tuesday. I have a prescription for propranolol (no, Google, not provolone) to help with the heart palpitations. And, I have a host of questions on if I want to pursue treatment of the hyperthyroidism or try to get back to normal on my own.

I think my BATNA, if I don't like what the endocrinologist tells me on Tuesday, is to set up an appointment with my endocrinologist by the mouse winter cabin. I know him. I liked the way he treated me last time. Most importantly, I trust him.

Between now and next Tuesday, I'll take the propranolol and skip the wine and beer. Here's to feeling better soon.


Cheers!
mouse

Thinking about Life after Work

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, I found myself thinking a lot about life after work. I think the first thing I would do on day 1 is go for a walk. And, perhaps I'd go for a walk the next day. And, perhaps I'd go for a walk on the day after that. And, after a week of walking, I may decide to continue walking or not. I think the time walking would be valuable to wrap my head around everything. There's a lot to wrap my head around.

But, I think it'd be a good thing - for me, for Mr. mouse, for P.

I went to bed early. My eyes were bothering me. My heart was bothering me. But, I woke up feeling better, for today.

Let's see what my thyroid levels are next week when I have my doctor's appointment. Perhaps I'll stay at work. Perhaps I'll go for a walk.


Cheers!
mouse

Slowing Experimenting

Dear Friends and Family,

Never one to leave well enough alone, I'm now slowly adding back in the things I eliminated from my diet. I'm beginning to feel cold and I'm beginning to feel tired so I don't want to diet myself into hypothyroidism.

Yesterday, I tried caffeine and I definitely felt a little bit of the shakes last night at dinner. So, I may have to resign myself to staying off caffeine. Honestly, the thing I miss most is soy. Not all soy. I miss:

1. soy sauce - it's in almost all Asian food
2. soy paper - because it's a sushi alternative to seaweed, it allows me to have vegetarian rolls
3. tofu - I don't eat it often, but it's something I like occasionally
4. miso - again, something I don't eat often, but something I like occasionally
5. soy milk - opens up the world of decaf cafe drinks since I'm caffeine free

So, perhaps I add soy sauce back in and limit my intake of the other soy products and see if I still feel okay.

I'm mentally wrapping my head around if this is cheating. I'm not allergic like people who are on a no gluten diet. My body still needs some iodine. I'm trying to convince myself this isn't weakness or lack of discipline. This is me trying to figure out what the right level of iodine is to feel good.

I know. I'll add soy sauce without adding anything else and I'll see how I feel.


Cheers!
mouse

Hodge Podge of a Day

Dear Friends and Family,

What to write about today?

Mr. mouse and me? I don't know. I don't think it's healthy to dance around issues, let off steam by fighting, and then go back to "normal." It goes against everything I learned as an engineer. You know there's going to be repeat events.

The election? We voted early. The rest is in the hands of our fellow citizens. I'll be watching the news intently tonight. In case it's not obvious, we're a Team Obama household.

My thyroid? I had some lab work done over the weekend. I wasn't expecting news so quickly. But, the doctor's office called yesterday with my results. It's not a complete picture in that my first tests done in October only included one test, TSH, which measures your body's instructions to the thyroid. Higher TSH indicates the body is requesting more thyroid production. Lower TSH indicates the body is not requesting more thyroid production.

In my case, my TSH was rock bottom low. What happens next? The doctor then requests T3 and T4 level checks. That measures how much thyroid hormone the body is actually producing. The expectation is that T3 and T4 will either be normal in which case it's odd, but not a problem. Or, T3 and T4 levels will high (if the body is producing the hormone even if no one is requesting it) in which case it's most definitely a problem.

With me so far? I've had thyroid problems in the past. And, historically, when my TSH has been low, my T3 and T4 levels have been VERY high. I know what hyperthyroidism feels like. This time, when I measured my TSH levels in October, I was expecting it to be low, and it was low. Based on my symptoms at the time, I was expecting my T3 and T4 levels to be high, but since it wasn't tested I don't know if they were high.

Lately, though, I've been feeling somewhat better. And, when I went in for my tests this past weekend, I didn't know what to expect. Well, this time, my TSH is still low, although it's not as low as October. And, my T3 and T4 levels, while high, are within the normal range.

I need to call today to make a follow-up appointment. I guess I'll stay on my low iodine diet a little longer.


Cheers!
mouse

New Dessert to Try This Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

There's nothing like feeling deprived to make a mouse sad. So, instead of wallowing in my sadness, I decided to do some research.

So, I can't have coffee (even decaf lattes are now off limits with the no soy milk addition to my list of banned food groups), tea, hot chocolate (or any kind of chocolate for that matter), milk, butter, yogurt, sushi, soy sauce or bread. Life goes on and it can go on surprisingly well.

Last night I had polenta with a spicy chicken tomato sauce and it was delicious. Fortunately, Mr. mouse skipped his share to dutifully eat out verboten foods lingering in the refrigerator so I've got seconds for the weekend.

I wonder how it'll taste cold since our microwave is broken. The other option is to bake it in the toaster oven for a couple of minutes. I might have to go that route.

See? I'm managing. And, I'm excited for the weekend. I looked up dessert recipes in a cookbook we have. Yes. We still have some cookbooks. I found a recipe for apple souffle that calls for five ingredients:

1. apples
2. sugar
3. almond extract
4. egg whites
5. confectioners' sugar

Fortunately for most home made desserts I'm on the look out for some key ingredients (coffee, chocolate, milk, and butter) because rarely do desserts include fish or soy sauce or tofu or prepackaged bread or anything like that. Now eliminating butter does eliminate a lot of recipes, but that's okay. I'll manage.

I know I can switch to margarine, but I'm just not willing to go there. If I'm going to make changes in my diet, I refuse to begin eating fake foods to supplement. I refuse. I can manage just fine, thank you.


Cheers!
mouse

Officially Hyperthyroid Again

Dear Friends and Family,

The lab called yesterday with the test results. I'm officially hyperthyroid again. And, apparently, when the pendulum swings, it swings. I'm not just a little hyperthyroid, I'm not A LOT hyperthyroid.

I've got follow up lab work on Saturday to see what my T3 and T4 levels are. My TSH is lower than can be measured. Normal range for the TSH test is 0.4 to 4.0. Mine is essentially zero. Yep. Mouse doesn't do things by half measures, apparently.

So, last night, I put together a bigger list of high iodine foods and a list of high inflammation foods. And, the next three victims to fall are all soy which includes soy sauce and makes me very sad, all bread which makes me sad, and all chocolate which is also sad but not as sad as the first two.

My list so far?

1. caffeine, no iodine, just a catalyst
2. all food from the sea (fish, shellfish, seaweed, fish sauce, fish paste)
3. all dairy (milk, yogurt, cream, butter)
4. all soy (milk, yogurt, tofu, edamame, soy sauce)
5. all bread
6. all chocolate

For breakfast this morning I'm having oatmeal with maple syrup. It's a little watery since I used water instead of milk, but it's palatable. I'll do this for the week and tackle another meal next week. In the mean time, I'll sort through sources of stress to see if I can alleviate so of that as well.


Cheers!
mouse