Almost Two Years in the Making

Dear Friends and Family,

Around this time 2013 I was beginning to surreptitiously begin my exit from old work. I had a list of people I wanted to say good-bye to. I had a list of things I wanted to finish. I had a list of things I needed to take home. My computer was scrubbed. And, I was beginning to count down the days to notifying daycare that we would be leaving. Our last day would be August 23, 2013. I was going to leave on a high note.

Instead I let money sway me. Against my better judgement I decided to stay part-time at old work for a ridiculous amount of money. There were a couple of things I learned while working part-time. While my hours went down by 65% and my pay went down by 30%, my work only went down by 10%. So, right off the bat I wasn't getting the better half of the deal. And, while I did have more flexibility to take off days P had off, and to be home for pick up, I still missed out on all of the field trips because they were on Thursdays when I was in the office. More proof that I wasn't getting the better half of the deal. Still, the money was good so I stayed. Until my position was eliminated and I left - this time on a much lower note. As far as everyone at old work was concerned I decided to leave, but inside I knew it was brought on by my position getting eliminated.

That was April 2014. Now, over a year after that cycle of events, I finally feel ready to put it all behind me. I had a dream where I was finally able to let go and put old work behind me. And, while I realize now that I should have left in 2013, I am also glad I did leave in 2014 and am not at old work now in 2015. P is a big kid now. Her little kid years are definitively behind her. I'm glad I got to spend the last year and two months enjoying the last of the little kid years.

Like P's birth, it took me some time to get over things I wished could have happened differently. I wish 2013 and 2014 could have happened differently. But, sitting here in 2015, I'm finally able to say it doesn't matter. I'm glad of where I got to and it doesn't matter how I got here. What's important is I am here.


Cheers!
mouse

09.02.14: The Very Last Day of Summer Vacation

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Tuesday. We're back from vacation. And, it's our very last day of summer vacation.

It's been a great week. We spent a weekend back in our first work town visiting friends. It's been 20 years since that first summer in our first work town. It was fun driving along the same roads, remembering life in 1994 which does not seem all that long ago.

Then, we went on our end-of-summer vacation. This time, instead of going to a far flung location, we went to Seattle to visit a host of friends we have in the Pacific Northwest. We got to spend a lot of time with my cousin and my two year old nephew who is technically my first cousin once removed.

This was also a mile marker trip. A year ago, I quit old work only to be persuaded into staying on part time. While the money was good, I've realized many times over that I shouldn't have agreed to stay on part time. I didn't have enough time to do anything right, splitting my time three ways. And, ultimately, I spent a lot of time detoxing from what ultimately was a less that satisfactory transition from old work.

Still, in taking this trip, I realized two very important things. I only lost a year. I am, now, where I could have been last year. And, while a year lost is a year lost, I can take comfort in having lost only a year. I am so glad not to be splitting my time three ways going forward. And, the other thing I realized was that while there was a lot of toxicity related to old work, I still had a good year. P made new friends. I made new friends. And, we had a great summer together. There's so many happy memories. The year wasn't a total waste.

So, my friends, we're headed into our last day of summer vacation. P's bag is packed. We have orientation in an hour and half. Then, P and I have one last day together before we head off to kindergarten.


Cheers!
mouse

06.03.14: Summer Vacation, week 1

Dear Friends and Family,

I'll be honest, the weekend was a blur of little kid faces as I dedicated most of my time to finishing out P's photo book for school. I sent out my big deliverable at 3 AM on Sunday morning and crashed in P's bed.

But, there are a couple of things I remember from the weekend. P had her first dance recital and she did fantastic in it. I'm not sure I would have been able to carry that off. In fact, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to carry that off - dancing on a stage in front of all of those people. I'm glad we're raising P different from how we were raised, in that regard.

Sunday, we went to the park to take spring photos. P wore a white dress my mom bought her for Easter last year. She kinda fits it now, but it's still loose on her.

And, Monday, P and I had a great day at home. We:

1. ate breakfast
2. brushed teeth
3. finished painting Starry Night
4. changed P into her Elsa dress
5. P did two sheets while I showered
6. ate lunch
7. changed a lightbulb
8. played
9. taught P Catan Junior
10. made two cards for our friends
11. took photos in a pretend photo booth
12. ate dinner

I'm not sure we'll be that productive today. In fact, I'm pretty sure we won't be. We have swim class at four and we need to get mail and (maybe) shoes.

Still, I really enjoyed the day with P. I'm glad I didn't have old work to contend with.


Cheers!
mouse

And, Then, I Woke Up

Dear Friends and Family,

There are bad days at work. And, there are BAD days at work. Granted no one dies if I have a bad day at work. But, yesterday, I felt like a little piece of me died.

I've always believed you have an obligation to speak your mind. I've also believed that you have to support the team once the team comes to a decision. It's just chaos otherwise. So, yesterday, I spoke my mind. And, frankly, the team came to a stupid decision. I'm going to support it. But, it's not one I agree with.

And, that's when a light bulb turned on in my head. I love it when light bulbs turn on. Because the light they shed on a truth that's just sitting around waiting to be discovered can be life changing. There's no "not knowing" something once you "know" it.

What do I know now?

I know that I am no longer invested in old work. I don't feel like I have anything to learn. I don't feel like I have much I am willing to give. Yesterday, it went from being a job to being a paycheck. I'm not invested enough to care enough to speak my mind. I think I'll just do.

Thanks. I needed that, desperately. Now, I can focus on my idea.


Cheers!
mouse

Hump Day

Dear Friends and Family,

I'll be honest. I'm a little overwhelmed.

Today, I have time to work on my new idea. I have a doctor's appointment. I have the afternoon with P which is the highlight of my day. I have a meeting with some parents to work on P's yearbook. Then, I get a little time with Mr. mouse and P and then I need to work on old work for about two hours.

I'll be honest. I'm thinking about leaving old work again. It's just plain stupid. I went in yesterday and my work exploded. All of a sudden everyone cares. This would be awesome if I still worked there and cared. But, given that I'm a part-time employee looking to start my own business, it's not awesome. Now, it just feels like a lot of work when I've got a lot more interested stuff to focus on.

Ask me why I'm there? I'll be honest. It's part mercenary, it's part prostitution, both of which are against my religion. In other words, it's for the money. I'm selling my time for money. There's little emotional fulfillment and what emotional fulfillment there is is derived from friendships, not from work.

It'll all come to a crux in the summer because I'll want to spend more time with P. Something will have to budge. But, that's the summer. I just need to get through today.


Cheers!
mouse

11.04.13: Kid Focused Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

Friday, I picked P up from school and we went to her friend's house for a play date. She had fun with the art and the popcorn. I found out I'm really allergic to cats now.

Saturday, P went to school in the morning. Then, she went to a birthday party. And, Mr. mouse took her on a bike ride on a trailer we borrowed from a friend.

Sunday, P went to church. Then, she had a play date with a friend.

As far as weekends go, I don't think she could have had more fun. Oh wait, she had a complete meltdown the first 15 minutes of her play date on Sunday. Okay, outside of that, I don't think she could have had a more fun weekend.

It's a busy week this week, but no busier than last week. Actually, I made a conscious decision not to go into work on Wednesday. I could have, for a culture training. It'd be "easy" hours. But, I decided I'd rather have the time at home to do other stuff.


Cheers!
mouse

A Little Less Innocent

Dear Friends and Family,

I feel like I lost a little bit of what little innocence I have left, yesterday, at work. I had 15 minutes left to my day and an email about some mandatory compliance training I was behind on. I figured it was as good a time as any to catch up. And, that's when I clicked on the link that ultimately took me to an online class on what to do if there is an active shooter at work.

Yes, I knew it could happen. But, the training came with a rather graphic video. It was disturbing to say the least.

And, now I've thought about what my best route is out of the building. And, I've thought about the need to take off my shoes so I can run faster. And, I've thought about my best hiding place. And, I've thought about things I've never really had to think about.

It's good. It's just not something I had done before. It's sad that we live in a world where this is something we need to worry about. I don't think this is what our Founding Fathers had in mind when they established a right to bear arms.


Cheers!
mouse

Waste of Time

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday was a colossal waste of time. They decided to do some IT work over the weekend and re-mapped all of our share drives. So, no one had any access to their files. Lovely. So, I futzed about all morning, went to pick up P, came home and napped. Then, I was up until one o'clock in the morning working on stuff. Note to self, let's not do that again.

Today, I'm off to work. Then, I have time with P. And, dinner and drinks with a friend after work.

My focus this week is on getting P's lunch sorted out. She's been falling off her growth curve since starting school lunch. I had a meeting with the school nurse on Monday. I may have a follow-up appointment on Wednesday. I also have my doctor's appointment on Wednesday. And, I have a big presentation on Thursday.

Hmm... I like the paycheck, but I'm not 100% sure staying with old work was a great idea. Looks like someone is looking forward to the weekend.


Cheers!
mouse

30 Minutes Well Spent

Dear Friends and Family,

I love, love, love the fact that P still naps. I would love the time with her if she didn't. But, I love the time without her since she does.

Yesterday, after she fell asleep, I set the timer for 30 minutes. I spent the time restoring order to those little islands of space that I have reconquered from the chaos that is my house. Fortunately, I was able to reconquer my tiny little islands of order in the 30 minutes. And, I was able to spend the rest of the time, after my 30 minutes were up, working on work.

Today, as long as I'm not too tired, I may try another 30 minutes. It's about enough time to really make progress, but not enough time to feel like you got nothing else done in the day. After 30 minutes, I move on, with little to no guilt, to my next task at hand.

I'm not sure what that task will be, but it feels good that I'm making progress on something besides old work. It also feels like we might be hitting a routine with P. We have a thing for school tonight, and then, after that, nothing looming on the horizon.

I also realized there is stuff at old work that just needs to be prioritized lower. Everything will not get done with me working 17.5 hours a week. And, that's okay.

Yeah! You deserve a pat on the back, mouse.


Cheers!
mouse

07.22.13: Howdy Y'all

Dear Friends and Family,

We had a busy, busy weekend with friends in town from Wisconsin. Our old neighbor and his girlfriend came in for the weekend and we had a ton of fun.

Friday night we gorged on Cuban food. Saturday, we went for dim sum and then went to the museum to see a couple of exhibits they were interested in. P fell asleep at the museum, but she had fun while she was awake.

We spent Saturday evening on the deck eating ice cream and pizza and enjoying the wonderful weather. We came in when the ominous clouds came in. And, we spent the rest of the evening playing with P. When P fell a sleep, we played spades, girls vs. boys until we were all ready to pass out.

Sunday, I went to church. Then, P and I went to the park to play in the sprinklers while Mr. mouse went on a bike ride with our friends. The afternoon was a bit of a mish-mosh because we were all a little tired. Mr. mouse made magic fried rice. Our friends went for a walk. P and I took naps.

Then, they had to leave. And, we had the evening to eat dinner and wind down the weekend.

And, now it's Monday and I have nine more days at work before I give notice. Nine. That's right. Nine.


Cheers!
mouse

Two More Weeks

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday! And, I'm tired.

It will be nice when it's the weekend. As in, it'll be nice when I'm done with work today. Then, I'll have two weeks left before I give notice. Honestly, I'm getting a little tired of the charade. I'll be happy once I can have the discussion with my boss and begin to really wind down.

Last night, another one of my analysts left work. He's headed to the Bay area to join a technology company. I managed him when he was just out of school. And, now he's 25 and infinitely more mature than when I had him. It's nice to see progress. I'm proud of him and I'll miss him.

I'm beginning to keep a list of people I need to include on my farewell email. Such is life. Happy Friday!


Cheers!
mouse

Another Friday, Another Week

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday. That means I'm closing out another week at work.

This was a slow week. But, it was a good week. We spent yesterday afternoon laying out plans for the fall. I won't be there to execute any of it, but I feel like I've given the teams the tools to think about it and I've given the teams enough of my vision that they can execute it without me. And, that's a good thing.

I also gave notification at P's school. Her last day is officially August 23rd. It's becoming real.

I'll miss work. But, at the same time, I'm excited about retiring from the work I've known for the past two decades and moving on to my next chapter of life where I have more flexible work and time for myself.


Cheers!
mouse

Four Weeks and Counting and Sometimes Conflicted

Dear Friends and Family,

There are days I enjoy work. Like yesterday. Yesterday was a good day.

And, after days like that, I am a little sad to be thinking about leaving at the end of summer. And, the money always feels nice. At the same time, I am excited about the prospect of taking time off, of focusing on my health and cleaning the house, of working on my idea.

Why am I never happy? I guess I am happy. It will be hard to leave, but it will be good to leave. I will miss the comfort of work. I will miss the security of a pay check. I will miss the routine of work. I will miss my friends. It will be hard to leave, but it will be good to leave.

I should enjoy the remaining time. And, in the process, I'm sure I'll encounter some bad days that will remind me that not every day is a good day like yesterday.


Cheers!
mouse

Another Week Down

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, I had a moment at work. There's a guy at work, let's call him Joe (names changed to protect the innocent).

Joe was on a rampage. And, when he gets on a rampage, he starts sending mean emails and making mean phone calls and calling people into his office and being mean. It's just not fun.

Fortunately, I don't report to Joe anymore. But, when Joe's on a rampage, he doesn't care. And, he fired off a note yesterday to me that would have normally gotten me worked up.

Fortunately, my new boss, let's call him Eddie (names changed to protect the innocent) stepped in and took control of the situation. I was honestly thinking of quitting yesterday, but, instead, I'm continuing on this unusual journey to August.

Thanks, Eddie.


Cheers!
mouse

Thursday, Yeah!

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, I gave yesterday my all.

Today, I'll give today my all.

Tomorrow, I will give tomorrow my all.

Then, it'll be the weekend and I'll be coming back to a short week. And, that'll be eleven weeks left, but who's counting?


Cheers!
mouse

Wednesday, Hump Day

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Wednesday.

If I get through today, then the weekend is one day closer.

My day today is packed with meetings. I wish I had more desk time to actually get things done.

Then, again, why do I care?

I care because I still have 12 weeks left which means I need to keep my head in the game. I care because I want to leave on good terms. I care because I take personal pride in what I do. I care because anything can happen and I want my flexibility.

Mouse is not a coaster. Do, or do not. There is no try.

Time to get ready for work.


Cheers!
mouse

Twelve Weeks and Counting

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Tuesday.

Work is getting interesting to watch. There's a smell of panic in the air and more and more of our moves smell of desperation. If I were an engaged employee, I'd be looking for the life boat right about now. But, I'm not, so I'm not. I'm perfectly willing to stay the course for some number of weeks and then leave.

Interestingly, several recruiters are beginning to reach out about positions. I'm curious enough about the local ones to consider the conversation. The ones that require relocation have a higher bar. We'd have to relocate the family which now involves uprooting Mr. mouse and his work and uprooting P and her school. It'd be nice if schools had reciprocal relationships with other schools. Then, moving would be easier. But, I suppose getting into school if your child isn't in would get even more difficult. Scratch that.

I'm curious to see what today will bring. We take ditch to ditch driving to a new level.


Cheers!
mouse

Resilient mouse

Dear Friends and Family,

I think I learned a lot yesterday.

I took the bus and the train. It was a lot less tiring than driving. I learned that my commute is taking a toll on me and I will be glad when I know longer have to drive to work every day.

One of our management team members called me on the phone and chewed me out over something that is outside of my control. I could, if I were invested enough in my work, move mountains to try and appease him. I learned that I am just not that invested in my work.

The business isn't going well. They're (see, not we, not invested) are scrambling to make the numbers. I learned that the fire drills are only going to continue and they'll probably get worse before they get better, if they ever get better. I'm doubtful they'll ever get better.

What does that all add up to?

I don't like driving to work. Theoretically I could take the bus and train to work once P is in school. But, I'm tired of the fire drills that consume my days and I'm tired of getting chewed out over things that are not my fault.

It's time to leave, mouse. It's only a matter of when. Sometime between now and Labor Day I will give notice. What I do next is something I need to solve for. But, it will not be what I am doing now.


Cheers!
mouse

The Plan

Dear Friends and Family,

Sleep on the train. Do emails like crazy on the bus. Walk like a zombie through my meetings. Do more frenetic emails at lunch. More zombie trance through the afternoon meetings. Set up my out of office. Relax on the way home. Too bad I forgot to download a book or a movie last night.

It'll be good to be off tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

May the Birthday Celebrations Begin!

Dear Friends and Family,

My mom arrives today. And, if I make it through today and tomorrow, the work week is behind me. Teacher Appreciation cards are filled out, warm and fuzzies are made.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas birthday everywhere I go...

And, if I make it through today and tomorrow, I'll be down to 13 weeks of work. Hurray!


Cheers!
mouse