Finding Peace in Prayer

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm not a very religious person. But, lately, I've been finding peace in prayer. Sometimes when I can't go to sleep at night, I find myself praying. Usually, it's a request for patience (instead of rushing to find the "right" answer) or of acceptance (instead of fighting things outside of my control) or talking through what's on my mind (the list of things worrying me and why ultimately they're not really all that important).

I try not to have the "special request" list prayer (e.g. please, I'd like X, Y, and Z) or the "negotiation" prayer (e.g. if you do X for me, I promise I'll do Y from now on). But, I do usually put in a special call out for my two grandparents and Mr. mouse's mom who've passed away and for my two grandparents and Mr. mouse's grandmother who are getting old. Not anything specific, just a little something at the end.


Cheers!
mouse

10.20.08: Work and Sleep

Dear Friends and Family,

Another quiet weekend at home. Saturday morning, I got up early and did some work. Then, we drove out to pick up our mail and eat lunch at the Mitsuwa food court - miso ramen soup, rice with pork bits, steamed shrimp dumplings, pot stickers, chicken feet, and rice balls.

We ran a couple of errands and came home. I think I slept the rest of the day since I don't have any recollection of Saturday evening.

Sunday morning, we both got up early and did some work. Then, Mr. mouse headed into the office for a call while I worked/napped at home. Spent the evening watching random clips on hulu and before you knew it, it was bedtime.

And, now it's Monday. We're headed home this weekend. I'm so excited to see my parents.


Cheers!
mouse

10.20.08 (Week 11, Day 3): Anxiety Meltdown

Dear Friends and Family,

It happened last night. All of the thinking and reading and pondering and worrying finally got to me. And, I balled my eyes out all night while Mr. mouse tried to comfort me.

The root cause of all of this? Well, on the physical level, the hormones are raging and the stomach is teetering. And, on an emotional level, we've got our first AMA (advanced maternal age) recommended screening in two weeks.

Here's where we landed. Not sure we have the stomach for some of the trisomy diseases that result in fetal death or infant death. But, for others, that may result in hardship, but perhaps years of unknown joys, we think we're willing to sign up for. Mr. mouse assured me he would not fault me or be angry with me if Pioneer has any additional chromosomes. It is what it is. And, he pointed out that it's already decided. Pioneer's genetic make up is already determined and no amount of worrying on my part is going to change it.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: Still pro-choice. And, fortunately for me, so is Mr. mouse. Ultimately, he's leaving all of this up to me. If I decide I'm not willing to go through with this, he'll support me in my decision.

10.19.08 (Week 11, Day 2): Hypersensitive Mouse

Dear Friends and Family,

I've always had a sensitive nose. But, now, it's gotten worse. And, things that normally smell delicious (e.g. roasting chicken) now make me feel nauseous. Hence, I'm in the bedroom with the windows open, the door closed, blanket stuffed under the door, candle lit and Lysol on dresser. Sigh. I'm a prisoner in my own house.


Cheers!
mouse

Friday Morning Bliss

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm late with my morning post. I slept in this morning and then I needed to get some stuff done. But, now, I can take a couple of minutes and enjoy my morning. Tea. Blog. Book. Peace.

We're going home next weekend to see the parents. Then, we're in Detroit the next weekend for our dentist appointment. And, the following weekend we've got friends in town for Mr. mouse's birthday. So, it's going to be hectic here for awhile.

And, that makes this morning even more important. I've got a lot of work to do and some house cleaning to do, but I'm going to take some time and enjoy the morning. Morning's like this seem so rare.


Cheers!
mouse

10.17.08 (Week 10, Day 7): Week 11

Dear Friends and Family,

Just got back from our first official appointment. So far, Pioneer is doing well. Doctor isn't concerned about the bleeding or the carbotarian diet. We're going to do the first trimester screening in two weeks to find out if Pioneer is at risk for chromosomal abnormalities. Feeling good today. Learned the hard way last night, don't let the stomach get empty. It makes you feel miserable.

Baby
Your fetus, about the size of a large lime, measures about 1.75 to 2.4 inches from crown to rump and weighs about three-tenths of an ounce. About now the rapid "swooshing" noises of the heartbeat can be heard through a Doppler sound-wave stethoscope. Fingernails and external genitalia are showing distinguishing characteristics, and the baby is swallowing and kicking, although you still won't feel it.

Mom-to-Be
Your uterus is almost big enough to fill your pelvis and may be felt in your lower abdomen. You may also experience changes in hair, skin, fingernails or toenails.

Tip for the Week
Don't ignore your dental hygiene during pregnancy. Floss and brush regularly, and make sure you see your dentist at least once in these nine months. Your gums may bleed more because of hormones during pregnancy and because of increased blood volume.


Cheers!
mouse

Cold Feet about Investing Again

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm such a fraidy cat. Yesterday, I was excited about investing again. Today, I'm having second thoughts. We haven't bought yet because we haven't made a decision on the specifics of what to buy. The market's performance yesterday didn't do much to instill confidence in would-be investors.

We'll see what today brings. If it's another roller coaster day, I may hold off until my comfort level increases. The silver lining in this is that our planner has our money, so once we are ready to move, there won't be any delay in buying.

This is all so much easier in a bull market.


Cheers!
mouse

10.16.08 (Week 10, Day 6): Two and a Half Month Point

Dear Friends and Family,

Knock on wood. This week has been better from the nausea front. I'm not sure if it's better food management on my part, higher tolerances for it, or actual relief. I think it may be a combination of the three. But, I'll take it. Both yesterday and today have felt better.

On the flip side, the fatigue is kicking in this week. Slept eight hours two nights ago and six last night. And, I was exhausted yesterday afternoon. And, pretty sure I will be again this afternoon.

So far, I've gained somewhere between 0 and 2.5 pounds. It's tough to say because there's a lot more fluctuation in my weight. But, I'm definitely beginning to "show." Mr. mouse says you can't tell when I'm dressed. But, I can tell. I've moved into my 4P pants. And, there's definitely a rounding to my belly that I wouldn't be happy with if I wasn't pregnant.


Cheers!
mouse

Investing Again

Dear Friends and Family,

After sitting on the side lines for the past three months, Mr. mouse and I decided to take the plunge and dive back into the stock market investing game. It was nice seeing the house mortgage balance drop each month, but with equities priced as low as they are, it makes sense to try and stomach the ride for the rest of the year.

We've also been stockpiling cash. We'll have a year's reserve by the end of this year, if everything goes to plan. Owning the house free and clear would be awesome. Guess we'll get there sooner or later. Sigh.


Cheers!
mouse

Mammogram Follow-Up

Dear Friends and Family,

My follow-up appointment on Friday went well. They did an ultrasound on my left breast and didn't see anything of note. Just in case, they want another follow-up in six months.


Cheers!
mouse

10.13.08 (Week 10, Day 3): Another Emergency Visit

Dear Friends and Family,

Just when I thought the bleeding was under control, I woke this morning to cramps and fresh (i.e. red) blood. Wonderful.

11AM appointment. Ultrasound showed Pioneer is 2.75 cm crown to rump with a heart beat of 173 beats per minute. We were able to hear the heart beat and walked away with two more pictures.

The nurse told us to continue with the "pelvic rest" (no heavy lifting, no exercising, no intercourse) until the bleeding had stopped for seven days. We've got our first scheduled appointment on Friday. The nurse told us to hang tight until then unless any new symptoms appeared.

Another thing that's curious is my rising blood pressure: 118/78 today. I've never had a triple digit read. One more thing to watch, I guess.


Cheers!
mouse

10.13.08: The Accidental Marathoner

Dear Friends and Family,

It's late Monday morning and I'm just beginning my day. We had friends in town this weekend for the marathon and I couldn't have enjoyed myself more. I needed a break.

Friday afternoon, I went for my mammogram. And, Mr. mouse headed to the airport to help a friend of ours. Our Turkish friend's mom was flying over from Turkey and had a layover/transfer here. She speaks no English, we're relatively certain most gate agents speak no Turkish. Mr. mouse hung out with her to make sure she made her flight okay.

The timing worked perfectly because Chantal and Eric (two new friends from Canada) flew in right when Mr. mouse was done. They all took the train down together. And, we headed out to Due for some deep dish action. We came back and crashed. Mr. mouse stayed up to let our friends, Fred and Gen, in.

Saturday, over breakfast of toast and fruit and eggs, we had a chance to catch up and make plans for the day. Mr. mouse took the marathoners down to pick up bibs and gear while Fred and I walked the neighborhood to pick up lunch stuff. Chantal, Eric and Gen had all registered for the race. But, Chantal wasn't running because of a change in plans. And, Eric was planning on dropping out at the 35K mark - to get a training run in for the Philadelphia marathon, but not overextend himself. Gen, she was running.

Fred and I had a great walk over to the fruit/vegetable store. Then, we stopped by the wine store to pick up some champagne for Sunday. Then, over to our favorite meat store for some delicious rib eye steaks. And, last but not least, the bakery to pick up toast for breakfast the rest of the weekend. I love shopping at a bunch of specialty stores vs. one generic store. It was also a great chance to catch up.

After lunch, we headed down to Millennium Park to see the park and pick up the bike. Then we chilled at home before starting the pasta pot for dinner. I love a simple pasta. Mr. mouse made tomato sauce Saturday night with a tomato from our crop share, olive oil, garlic and basil. I could have eaten the whole box of pasta myself. Gen made a fabulous salad. And, we had chicken sausage and crop share green beans to round out the meal.

Put the runners to bed. Fred and Chantal made signs while Mr. mouse and I headed out to Target. We picked up some noise makers, some markers, some poster board and party favor medals. We wanted to give Eric one, just in case he didn't finish the full marathon, for finishing the 35K.

Sunday, I had some stuff to do at home. Mr. mouse and Fred dropped the runners off at the park. Then, Fred, Chantal, and Mr. mouse loaded all of their gear onto the three bikes and headed out to watch the race. I had a template to track and estimate the runners arrivals at various check points. One thing we agreed to this year is that we'd always be on the runner's left hand side. So, there wasn't this perpetual guessing game we played last year.

It was hot. But, not as bad as last year. Gen finished. And, so did Eric. He had mentally decided the night before to go the distance. And, in fact, he finished ahead of Gen. I met them all in the tent with some champagne and we slowly made our way home.

Showers. Champagne. Cold pizza. Leftover rib eye. Stories. Laughs. And, we were ready to head over to Spring for dinner. Two more friends joined us for dinner. The wine was excellent. The oysters delicious. The Thai lobster wontons delicate. The fish, well, it's always good. And, dessert, well we were almost too full for dessert. But, I've found a new love - grape sorbet. And, to finish it off, the taste of chocolate at the end. This time it was citrus basil.

We passed out when we got home. And, this morning Chantal and Eric headed to the airport and Mr. mouse headed to work. Fred and Gen are going to see a couple of museums. And, I really should log on soon and start work.


Cheers!
mouse

Mammogram Today

Dear Friends and Family,

I go in this afternoon for a follow-up mammogram. Mr. mouse felt "something" earlier this year during our monthly breast exam. And, I asked my ob/gyn about it during one of our visits. She didn't think it was anything to worry about, but sent me in for an x-ray and mammogram just in case.

I went for the first round of tests. And, the lump Mr. mouse felt didn't raise any red flags. I guess it was just tissue. But, on the outside of my left breast the mammogram picked up "something", probably "nothing", but the doctor felt it was worth following up on in six months.

And, today is that follow-up appointment. We'll see what this afternoon brings.


Cheers!
mouse

10.10.08 (Week 9, Day 7): Week 10

Dear Friends and Family,

Another week down, another week closer to... well, I guess, baby. We have our first official ob/gyn appointment next Friday. And, then, the weekend after we're going home to tell the parents the news. I'm beginning to get excited about the telling part. So far, we haven't told anyone outside of the medical professionals who need to know, obviously.

Baby
Congratulations! Your baby is now officially called a "fetus." It looks a little like a medium shrimp, measuring 1.25 to 1.68 inches from crown to rump, and weighing a little less than two-tenths of an ounce. You might be reassured to know that most physical malformations, when they occur, have occurred by the end of this week, so the most critical part of your baby's development is safely behind you. But other developmental processes, such as those affecting behavior and intelligence, will continue throughout pregnancy. Eyes are covered by skin that will eventually split to form eyelids.

Mom-to-Be
You still probably don't show, but you may be wearing looser clothes. You may even be starting to eye maternity clothes, although you probably still don't need them. You may continue to feel tired and moody, but take heart: These symptoms shouldn't last too much longer.

Tip for the Week
If you're going to have chorionic villus sampling (CVS), a prenatal test used to detect genetic defects such as Tay-Sachs, sickle cell anemia, most types of cystic fibrosis and Down syndrome, it will probably be scheduled between now and 12 weeks.


Cheers!
mouse

New Opportunities at Work

Dear Friends and Family,

I've been at work for almost two years now. And, I think it's time to do something new. I've been surprised and somewhat delighted at how supportive my boss has been in helping me figure all of this out. There are three options I'm looking into.

My favorite is with our online team. It's a product planning position developing a road map for the website (e.g. what features and benefits should be developed next). This one would definitely be the most fun. But, it's the one where I'm least certain of where it leads next.

Another option is to work with one of the business units in strategy implementation. The team spent the last year developing a three year strategy. And, now they've got an opening for someone to execute against the strategy. I've got a couple of concerns about work-life balance with this team, but the exposure would be great.

And, the last option is to stay in a staff role. There's a position on the analytics team. My former boss went to lead that group. And, he'd love to have me. I love his team. I know the work-life balance would be good. And, I think (but, I'm not sure) he'd be just as supportive in two years when I was ready for something new.

All three are good options I'd be happy with. They're all promotions. I still need to interview for the job itself. We'll see where it all leads.


Cheers!
mouse

10.09.08 (Week 9, Day 6): Feeling Better

Dear Friends and Family,

Fortunately, it seems like the symptoms come in phases. Some days are worse. Some days are better. This morning, I'm feeling good. Here's what seems to be working for me.

(all times approximate)

• 4AM: 1/2 cup of juice
• 6AM: yogurt or cup chocolate milk
• 9AM: half serving of fruit (~2.5 oz)
• 10AM: other half serving of fruit (~2.5 oz)
• 12PM: small lunch (e.g. soup and roll, half sandwich and chips)
• 3PM: snack (e.g. handful of nuts, granola bar)
• 5PM: cold drink - juice, water, tea, something not carbonated
• 6PM: small dinner (e.g. fish and vegetables, rice and egg, something)
• 8PM: snack (e.g. orange, apple, kiwi, ice cream)

Cheers!
mouse

10.08.08 (Week 9, Day 5): Still Nauseous, but Coping

Dear Friends and Family,

I think the title says it all.

Tiny meals, lots of liquids, and mostly cold foods (like juice and milk and yogurt) are keeping me going. I've lost a little weight in the last couple of weeks and weighed in this morning at 121.5, but Mr. mouse isn't worried. As long as I'm eating nutritionally dense foods (not sure Campbell's chicken noodle soup counts, but whatever) and I'm keeping it down, I don't think he's too concerned at this point.


Cheers!
mouse

Update: Weather Outlook for Marathon Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

Well, not sure if it's all headed in the right direction. It was looking good from a temperature perspective. I was just worried about rain. Now, it's looking warm again. I hope it doesn't turn into a fiasco like last year. Although last year went up to almost 90°, and I imagine every degree counts at that point.

Sunday weather, four days from today. High of 76° and a low of 61° with a 20% chance of showers.


Cheers!
mouse

10.07.08 (Week 9, Day 4): Nausea, Nausea, More Nausea

Dear Friends and Family,

I can't complain. I haven't actually thrown up, yet.

But, the nausea is becoming more frequent. And, it's getting worse. I think it's only a matter of time.

Yesterday's routine worked well until I let my stomach get too empty. I think the trick is to keep the stomach always going but not let it get too full. I hate to say it, but the easiest way to do that is to drink juice all day long. I'm sure that's not the healthiest option since there's no protein or fat or fiber in juice, it's almost all sugar. But, if it gets me through the day, I may just go with it for awhile. I'll try it today and see how I do.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: I'm getting anxious to share the good news, but we're waiting for now. 10/25 we go home to share the news with our parents. That'll be the start of week 12. And, the weekend after we're in Detroit and I imagine we'll share the news there. Perhaps when I get back from Detroit. Then, I'll post all of these posts and can be real time with it.

Quiet (and a Little Dull) Here

Dear Friends and Family,

After a crazy summer, it's quiet at work.

And, I haven't been feeling 100% the last couple of days so it's been quiet at home.

As a result it's also pretty dull. So, I'm going to lame out and leave you hanging for now.


Cheers!
mouse