August Catch Up

Dear Friends and Family,

It's almost my birthday which means it's almost September which means it's almost the start of school. And, before I know it, it'll be time to think of Halloween costumes, go shopping for turkey, figure out Christmas plans, and ring in the New Year. Yep. That's how I know another year has flown by because it's almost my birthday.

Where did this summer go? Well, it started with a bruiser of a weekend that included reunion for Mr. mouse and a recital for P and some high stress in coordinating the weekend. Then, there was a flurry of camps which involved new friends and new routines every week it seemed. Next year I think we'll aim for more continuity. And, before you knew it summer camp was over. My mom flew out last week and spent some time with P. And, we've got plans with my sister next week. Mr. mouse has a trip. We may or may not follow.

We got an iPad for P although it's officially for the family because the Kindle was on its last legs and she learned so much in technology camp we didn't want it to stop because we weren't willing to invest in an iPad. We traveled and got to see Niagara Falls, Cave of the Mounds, and all things Lincoln since we skipped on dance classes this summer.

We tried to figure out P's eczema and made some progress. I think the initial breaks in the skin come from abrasion, either playing in the park or on the beach. Then, if we get chlorine in it it gets worse. So we didn't spend a lot of time at the parks or the pool this summer. Instead we played Guess Who Star Wars Edition at the library, did jigsaw puzzles and read at Barnes and Noble.

P figured out the monkey bars. P got three wiggly teeth.

I put my work on hold. I got a Fitbit. I walked a ton and then lost a little motivation. I restarted Weight Watchers, lost 15 pounds and stopped tracking. I've maintained my weight loss but haven't lost any more since I stopped tracking. I planned our trip to Disney. I planned a road trip I plan on taking next spring with a girlfriend.

Mr. mouse got a new job at the same company. He had to deal with a hot water heater replacement.

Oh, and we've been growing peppers on the roof. That's our summer.


Cheers!
mouse

Work Week Hustles and My Fitbit

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, the last day of yet another work week hustle. I have a love-hate relationship with my fitbit. On the one hand, I'm getting more exercise than I would have without it. This is indisputable. On the other hand, I'm getting a lot less of everything else done. This too is indisputable.

I'm sure the exercise is good for me although I'm not convinced it's making a difference in my weight loss. But, I'm also sure that falling behind on everything else is bad for me. I need to find a better balance.

Today is the last day of this week's work week hustle. Perhaps I should sit next week's out. Or make it a promise to myself to go in the morning before camp drop off. Or something. I need to get a grip. But, for today, I'll go on a nice long walk after I drop P off at camp.


Cheers!
mouse

You've Lost that Hungry Feeling

Dear Friends and Family,

Last night, I was famished before dinner. I was truly hungry because of some choices I made earlier in the day. I was stressed in the morning so I grabbed a slice of pizza from the fridge. Then, after working frantically for an hour I got enough done that I joined my neighbors for brunch. But, since I had already had the pizza I didn't want to order food. But, since I felt I deserved a "reward" for getting my work done, I ordered a soy mocha. Well, that meant that by 11am, I was done with my breakfast and lunch points which theoretically is fine except a pizza and a soy mocha are not going to set you up for success.

Starved, I ate my strawberries and peaches for lunch instead of for breakfast. And, when P fell asleep, I decided to try and get a walk in. Since traffic was bad and I was smelly, I showered again before dinner and before you knew it it was 7:30 pm and we were just sitting down to dinner. I was H-U-N-G-R-Y. I ate the rest of my day's points and all of my activity points too.

But, in the process, I remembered something. I remembered what it feels like to be truly hungry. There's full. There's not full. There's hungry. And, there's truly hungry. I think my stomach is like a poorly trained dog that whines all of the time asking for a treat from the treat box. Really, I should only be eating when I'm truly hungry. And, when I eat I should be making smart choices.

I know now that before I started Weight Watchers (for the second time) I was eating whenever I was not full. And, I was making poor choices.

I feel like I relearned something yesterday that I had somehow forgotten.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/28/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 3.2 pounds
total weight loss: 13.8 pounds

Wow! I won't lie. It feels good to be able to type those numbers. I'm essentially a pound away from 15 pounds. 15 pounds! I'm not sure how long it'll take me to lose that pound, but I'm motivated.

There's definitely changes going on. I'm not as drawn to sweets as I was before. Yesterday, we got doughnuts for breakfast. I wasn't tempted. I had fruit instead. Last night, we went out for ice cream. I could have easily ordered a single scoop. The ice cream is delicious. But, I didn't order any. My eyes were probably devouring everyone else's ice cream. But, I didn't eat any. It's not as tempting as it was before. Or rather it is tempting, but I am remembering how to resist the temptation.

I'm motivated in a different way. There's thing I want (like ice cream) and things I want more (like losing another pound) and this past week I remembered I do want things more than the immediate gratification of ice cream and doughnuts. I'd rather be my goal weight and have more energy and be a healthy role model for P and feel good in my clothes than have a doughnut.

Wish me luck with next week's weigh in.


Cheers!
mouse

Onions

Dear Friends and Family,

Who knows us? That's a question that I've been thinking about lately.

I think about me and who knows me. And, I wonder if I really know the people I think I know. I know Mr. mouse is a lot more trusting than I am that he believes a lot more in people than I do. His trust is more transitive than mine. If there's someone he trusts, and they trust someone else, he tends to trust the third person as well. But, if there's someone I trust, and they trust someone else, well, to me, that third person is still a stranger and only a couple notches above the average person I might see walking down the street.

And, I wonder who knows me. I think on the surface I am a happy person with likable traits, I think. But, underneath that there's a layer that can get sad and troubled with baggage from the past and ghosts and paranoias and demons aplenty. I don't like to admit to that side of me, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit it existed. I feel like the less I acknowledge it the less voice it has. I wonder if other people have similar fears or if this is something most people live their whole lives without encountering. I wonder if it can be inherited or learned. I wonder if it's something I need to watch for in P.

If you go deeper, you find something else, more. In some members of my family, it is hard and brittle and, perhaps, broken. In others, it's more tempered, more resilient, but still strong. This thing, I'm not sure where it comes from, but when backed into a corner, it refuses to yield, it fights without compromise. Only, for me, it exacts a price. After long periods of high stress, my thyroid yields, it forgets how to work and I need medication to get it back under control. I know that repeated rounds of medication will eventually kill my thyroid, so I know I need to figure this out, but in reality I don't think I have. I want to teach P to be strong, but I don't think it's healthy to have this. I hope it's not inherited, but sadly I think it can be. I already see shades of it in P.

Yet, deep inside, there's a place that still trusts and still believes and still loves and is willing to be vulnerable. I know that is the person Mr. mouse fell in love with. But, I feel like that is a place with a strong door with a big lock and I'm not sure where I've put the key. I don't think I can find the key. I think I need to wait for the key to find me. Perhaps one day Mr. mouse will find that person again. I kind of hope he does because I kind of like her. I have faith that I will one day because when I see P I see her. P still trusts and believes and loves. She hasn't picked up the fears and darkness and anger that people my head.

I hope that her world can continue, at least a little longer, to be that happy place.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/21/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight gain: 1.0 pounds
total weight loss: 10.6 pounds

It's Wednesday, so I have the benefit of an extra day's weigh-in when writing this post. So, while the official numbers above show a gain from the prior week, if I include today's weigh in, I would be able to report a 0.8 pound weight loss for the week which confirms something I had been thinking about for the past week. I've been eating out too much. And, without realizing it, I was eating a lot more salt than I should be. You can't lose 1.8 pounds of fat in a single day, but you can lose 1.8 pounds of water. Well, I'm going to try and take advantage of the momentum from today and see if I can report a better number next week.

I feel like momentum plays a part. It's easier to have a good day when you've had a string of good days. It's harder when you've had a string of mediocre days. So, I'm going to try and take advantage of today's good weigh in and see if I can have another tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

7/20/15: Looking for Lincoln

Dear Friends and Family,

We were originally supposed to go to Montreal for the weekend to see our friends. But, when they called to tell us that their daughter had a fever of 104, we decided to cancel the weekend. P was crushed because she was really looking forward to seeing her friend. So crushed we bought her a Lgeo set and took her out to dinner to try and make up for the lost fun. So crushed that she didn't want to go to either birthday party we originally declined for the weekend. So crushed she almost cried. So crushed we looked up other weekend trip options and found one in Springfield, The Land of Lincoln.

P's been reading a lot about Lincoln and the Civil War because we pretty much let her read what she wants even if we have to deal with the consequences. So, we've already had long talks about slavery, war, tuberculosis, typhoid, assassination, civil rights, and everything else that comes with learning about these topics. So, we thought a trip to Springfield would be a great way to see more Lincoln related things.

Our first stop was Lincoln's home. This wasn't the log cabin where he was born. It's the house he bought with Mary after they got married. We watched a movie learning a lot about Lincoln's pre-presidency life both as a lawyer, a politician, a father, and a husband. We walked through the house and saw his parlor and his bedroom and learned a little about life in the late 1800s. We really enjoyed it.

Our second stop was Lincoln's presidential library and museum. The library isn't open on weekends, but the museum is. We saw two more movies there - one about Lincoln's presidential years and the Civil War and the other about the library and why presidential libraries exist. We also got to walk through two dioramas - one of the log cabin and one of the White House. The first movie was a little scary for P. But, she enjoyed seeing all of the dresses at the White House Blue Room recreation. This was also a good place to buy souvenirs.

Our last stop was Lincoln's tomb. We were all a little hot and a little tired by then so it's a good thing that the tomb is a pretty low key stop. We saw several miniatures of statues of Lincoln including one P knows from Lincoln Park. And, we saw his final resting place.

After that, it was a quick trip home. Sunday, we all slept in. I got a text from a mom who I am Facebook friends with. She noticed that our trip had been cancelled and wanted to know if P still wanted to come to her daughter's birthday party. We jumped on the chance. P had a lot of fun. We had an afternoon play date as well. P enjoyed the weekend after all and soon it was time for bed.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/14/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 11.6 pounds

Yeah! I can put the Fourth of July weight gain behind me. I can also put the initial disruption caused by starting up an exercise routine behind me. I can also put the aches and pains behind me. And, I can put the carbo loading behind me. Hooray!

I should explain a bit more what went on this past week.

I started wearing a fitbit pedometer. It tracks my steps. It also synchs to Weight Watchers and Weight Watchers then increases my available points for the day. So far so good. There's the initial weight gain associated with starting up any new activity - you gain a little muscle, you hold a little more water weight, and your mind begins to play little tricks on you.

That's where the carbo loading comes in.

I was mentally fueling up for my morning walks by adding toast or a bagel to breakfast. But, for the amount of walking I'm doing I don't need to add toast or a bagel to breakfast. My fruit should be plenty and it is. I just needed to get over the fear of not having enough energy. And, now that I'm over that fear all is good again.

Now that I'm back to where I was two weeks ago, I can focus again on the future. I guess at this point if I'm going to continue on my routine, I should keep on tracking my steps and I should keep on tracking my food. And, hopefully I'll have more good news next week.


Cheers!
mouse

One Year of Being on a Budget

Dear Friends and Family,

It's been a year since I put our family on a budget. And, I'm glad I did.

There are many memories of last July that seem sad, but they were necessary. I remember partially filling the tank in the car. I remember finding ways to have a fun day with P without spending any money. I remember Mr. mouse eating lots of rice and beans. And, I remember thinking, optimistically, that if we did it for a few short months life would change.

And, it did, but we never went back to the carefree days of never tracking. We have a file I named temporary budget and we still log our daily expenses into it. We have about $200 more a month than when we started this whole exercise last year. And, while $200 might not seem like a lot to a lot of people, it makes a big difference. It means we can splurge a couple of times each month. It means we can fill the gas tank on a regular basis. It means we have steak and sushi sometimes instead of chicken and beans.

The other big thing we did was refill our coffers. We have money set aside for emergencies and for trips and for clothes for P and gifts for Christmas. That's a big difference from last year. So, I suppose we've made progress.

One area I know we should look at is insurance. We have State Farm. And, I feel like we're paying more than we need to for insurance. I asked Mr. mouse to look at some quotes I got last year that would cut our insurance payments in half. It's been a year. When he gripes about our budget, I feel like reminding him that we could find more money in our budget by changing insurance providers. But, I try to refrain from being that person.

The other insurance area I'm debating is my term life insurance. I had term life insurance at old work. And, when I left the insurance provider offered me the option of keeping it at the same rate. I've kept it because I think the money would be useful to Mr. mouse and P if something were to happen to me. But, to be honest, I'm not sure they will need the money. I think we've saved up enough. But, I'm not 100% sure. So, I keep paying the premiums on the term life insurance. But, I'm not sure it's worth it. Perhaps I should put aside the money for it every week instead of letting the lump sum surprise me every three months.

I guess Mr. mouse isn't the only one procrastinating on insurance.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/7/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight gain: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 9.4 pounds

And, just like that my body reminded me that this isn't going to be a walk in the park. We had a staycation this weekend with friends. I got a fitbit and finally put it on. Hopefully I can use this week to settle into a new routine that brings better news next week.


Cheers!
mouse

Shifting Gears

Dear Friends and Family,

For a couple of months now I've been whittling away at getting the living room under control. And, yesterday I decided to switch gears and move on to our bedroom.

Our bedroom is a rat's nest of stuff that we moved up there "temporarily" in January for our party. Well, it's July and it's still all there and it's beginning to drive me batty. Only me. Apparently it doesn't bother anyone else in the house.

Yesterday, I spent about 10 minutes putting away P's winter clothes from 2013-2014. The bench at the foot of our bed is now clear.

I AM SO HAPPY.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 6/30/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 11.6 pounds

Yes! Finally! I got through the plateau. Wow! It feels awesome! I'm more than 10 pounds into my journey and I feel like I'm making progress in a different way.

I love the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. In it, he talks about how people change lifelong habits. And, I feel like I went through that once with Weight Watchers. I lost a little over 70 pounds and felt like a million dollars. I thought the changes were permanent. And, they were, mostly. I had regained about 5 pounds before I had P, but in the grand scheme of things that was okay. I was well within the range for a healthy BMI and I looked forward to doctor's appointments to see how all of my statistics were doing.

Then, I had P. I gained weight during my pregnancy. I gained about 28 pounds which was perfect for P and me. I lost most of it after P was born and was within 10 pounds of my original weight (5 pounds of what I weighed when I got pregnant) when life got hectic. Worked changed. My body's needs changed when P was done breastfeeding. Our eating routine changed when P started eating. And before I knew it things felt different.

But something else changed while all of this was going on. Weight Watchers changed their scoring system. And, I tried a couple of times to get back on the band wagon, but it didn't seem to work for me any more. I wasn't sure if it was because I was older or because something had changed in pregnancy or because it was the second time using Weight Watchers or because the new system didn't work. Regardless of the reason, I didn't have faith in it. I didn't believe it could work for me the way it had worked for me in the past.

Things got worse at work and I continued putting on a pound here and a pound there.

Well, according to Charles Duhigg belief, or faith, is a critical component of changing habits. I knew that. But, trying to force yourself to believe is just not possible. Either you believe it will work or you don't. During my first journey, I started off with belief in hand. Two friends each lost close to 30 pounds and told me it was due to Weight Watchers. Voila! Instant belief!

This time, after a couple of attempts that fell way short of the mark, I needed to find my own faith, my own belief, that this will work. And, that's what breaking through a plateau does. And, it's what losing over 10 pounds does. You begin to believe again that this will work. And, even if my belief isn't rock solid. I don't have any competing options at the moment that I believe will work better. So, it's the best option I have.

Still, it feels good. Because once you believe, then it's just a matter of time until you hit your goal. And, I'm finally on my way to believing. Things are beginning to feel different now.


Cheers!
mouse

06.29.15: Joyous Free Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

What started out as a very ambiguous weekend ended up being a lot of fun. We originally had a trip planned that got cancelled because of weather. When you read a weather forecast that includes the words 100% chance of precipitation, drenching rains, thunderstorms, 1-2 inches of rain expected, 20 mph wind with 40 mph gusts, flood warnings, you begin to reconsider whether an outdoor trip will be a lot of fun. And, we decided it wouldn't be a lot of fun. So, instead we opted for a free weekend at home.

Saturday, we found a carnival in town. We bought P a $25 wristband and she went to town riding the rides. Her faux sister joined us so she had company on a lot of the rides. It was a fun day capped by a play date and lovely time on the roof.

Sunday, we restocked on groceries. P and I drew a giant ice cave turned coral reef cave in the courtyard before coming inside to play. Our friends brought their little boy over and Mr. mouse cooked up a feast for all. They are such gracious guests. We're fortunate, we love having people over. And, the people we have over are great people to have over. But, they could write a book on it. It was a great way to finish up the weekend.

And, now, it's Monday. Fortunately, P's camp this week is closer to home. I hope to get some work done in between drop-off and pick-up. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality. Hooray! Now, I'm waiting on our month end retirement review tomorrow, the results from P's audition by Wednesday, and the weather for Fourth of July weekend by Friday.


Cheers!
mouse

Waiting

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, June 26th, and I feel like I'm waiting. I'm glad the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Affordable Care Act. Now, I'm waiting to hear how they rule on marriage equality. It would be amazing if they rule in favor of marriage equality.

Then, on a more personal note, I'm waiting to see how the month end retirement review will go. I know it's just a point in time, but I like to keep track of how our money is growing (or not growing) so I know if we're in good shape (or bad shape) come retirement.

Then, there's P's dance audition. The studio told us that we would know by July 1 where our kids were placed. So, I'm waiting.

Then, I'm waiting on the weather. There's a carnival in town that we love to take P to. The weather's been abysmal this summer. So, I'm waiting to see how the weather develops for Fourth of July weekend.

Yep. That's a lot of waiting for the next couple of days.


Cheers!
mouse

Manners, People

Dear People in the Suburbs,

I signed my kid up for camp for a week in your suburbs. And, frankly, you should be embarrassed. Your manners are appalling.

Parking. I get parking can be hard to find. But, when the lot is half empty, it's not cool to double park. Take a designated parking spot. And, if you double park, double park along the perimeter of the lot. Don't block the entrance to the lot by double parking in the entrance.

Moms with strollers or really anyone with strollers. I get that people with strollers can be slower than people without strollers. That does not make it okay to push past them willy-nilly when they've been waiting in line to pick up their kid. We're all here for pick-up. They let us in at 11:50 and give us 15 minutes to pick up our children. She's been waiting in line just like the rest of us. There's no real reward for shoving past her to get to your kid. Your kid is safe in the classroom. I waited in line like a civilized person and got my kid by 11:53. Really.

Walking in a crowd. First of all, if you're walking in a crowd, teach your kid to walk next to you or hold their hand. It's not okay to shove another person aside to get to your kid because you let your kid run wild. Second of all, there are kids walking in the crowd, it's not okay to shove someone else's kid to get out the door 5 seconds faster. The building's not on fire. And even if it was, shoving a six year old kid aside to get out first says a lot about who you are.

Stopping and talking. I know. It's exciting to see your friends and it's nice to be able to stop and talk for a couple of minutes before you disband. I do it too. But, I don't do it at the doorway to the school. No one can get out if the six of you are blocking the doorway. Please remember there are people pushing and shoving to get out as if the building is on fire. You're in their way and my way too.

Stop signs. Okay. Here's what I learned when I took my driving test. You stop at a stop sign, check for oncoming traffic, go when the traffic is clear and it's safe to proceed. When it's a four way stop, everyone stops and takes turns. When it's a two way stop, the people with the stop sign wait until the other street is clear and then proceed. Honking at me does not make the other cars in oncoming traffic disappear or stop. Honking more at me does not do the trick. It merely irritates me to no end. I've seen how you all drive. You treat the stop sign by the school as a merge sign. You expect traffic to stop for you. Guess what? That works until one car isn't playing by those rules. And, when that happens you're in the wrong since you clearly had a stop sign and they didn't. Don't be an ass and sit there and honk. There's a nice break in the traffic every 90 seconds when the light turns red. Sometimes there's a break before that, but sometimes you have to wait it out.

Now, fortunately, I've been in other suburbs and know that most of them are completely civilized places where the people have manners and teach their kids to have manners. But, frankly, I've seen better manners on the bus and train than I have this past week in your town.


Yours truly,
mouse

The Sounds of Laughter

Dear Friends and Family,

I have a friend whose life has been tough recently. And, because of her nature she's tried to shoulder it alone. I'd given her space and time, but I was eager to see her again. And, last night, I got to see her and it was so good. There were adults chatting in her dining room and kids playing in the living room and the sounds of laughter echoed off of the walls. She told me it was good to hear the house full again with the sounds of people and I believe it.

I remember another friend who also went through some very trying times. Instead of going it alone, she threw open her doors and we flooded into her house. There were, literally, 30-40 people in her house at any given point in time. There were rules, of course, like we were all expected to pitch in, and the second floor was off limits for when G needed some alone time. But, the house was never empty. We signed up for shifts. We spent a lot of the time just talking to each other. But, we were there for anything that needed to be done.

And, I think there's something healthy about that human connection. If I were to ever go through a trying time, I think I'd look to my friends, old and new, to help sustain me. I think I'm strong enough to go the road alone. But, I'm glad I have friends so I don't have to.

I'm also glad my friend has gotten over the hump. I look forward to seeing her again in the near future.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 6/23/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 0.4 pounds
total weight loss: 9.4 pounds

0.4 pounds. I'm not going to complain because I have not been on the ball. We went out to dinner on Thursday night with friends and I effectively missed counting for the rest of the weekend and yesterday. I guess all I can do this week is get back on the ball and begin counting again. I'm grateful I didn't have a gain this week.


Cheers!
mouse

06.22.15: Quiet Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

It was a quiet weekend at home for us. Saturday, we went to the library to pick up some books. Then, P had a make up swim class. And, we spent the rest of the time at home playing. P had a chance to practice her tennis in the courtyard. She read 30 minutes for her library challenge. We ate dinner and it was bath time. Sunday, I went to church while P and Mr. mouse went shopping for groceries. We went to watch the baseball game. And, by the time we got home it was time for dinner and bed.

It was a great weekend. And, the homily at church gave me lots to think about. The father brought in the Pope's recently released paper on climate change and it really got me thinking. If we think of people along two separate axes (not a grid, but two spectra), one socio-economic and one time-based, then we can plot everyone along both of those lines. And, if you're a Christian Buddhist like me, you believe everyone on those lines are connected in a community.

Now switch gears to food supply, and clean water, and safe shelter and other things we want for ourselves and those we love and care for. For better or for worse, unless something changes, our immediate family does not want for food or clean water or clothes or a roof. We are fortunate to live lives that provide us with plenty. But, that's not true for everyone. Someone lives on the border where food is inadequate, where clean water is not a given, where clothes and a roof are not assumed. And, the question I need to answer is do my actions (e.g. how I consume the Earth's resources) impact their access to food and water and home? When I consume beef, the grain and water it took to raise my beef could have fed another person. Beef is one of the worst offenders, but there's plenty out there. Or when I contribute to global warming, does that change the climate in a way that makes someone else's home drought-ridden or flood-prone? I'm not sure. I think it does.

But, it's easy to think selfishly about ourselves and forget about "those" people who don't interact with us daily. That's where the time spectrum comes in. If these changes are real, and I do believe they are, then it will worsen with time. How much time has to pass before it impacts someone I know. Will it be in my lifetime? Will it be in P's lifetime? In her children's lifetime? I don't think you have to go very far into the future before it impacts the people you do know. People are living longer and having children later. For example, if P has one child when she's 35 years old and that old child lives to be 80, we're talking 2124 when we talk about that person's lifetime. Do I owe this possible future person, my potential grandchild, a world that can sustain it? And, even if P doesn't have kids, will one of her friends? Or one of my "nephews and nieces?" Yes, someone will. And, yes, I think I do.

Which brought me to my last thought before we headed to the baseball game. Is Starbucks sinful? I was waiting for Mr. mouse and P to pick me up from church. And, there was a white woman walking down the street with a Starbucks cup in her hand. And, there was a black man begging for food and money and moment of human connection. Is it right for me to spend $4 on coffee when another member of my community wants? Is Starbucks sinful?

I'm not sure.


Cheers!
mouse

Completely Free Day

Dear Friends and Family,

P's in camp today and my to do list is blank. The house is a bit of a mess, my inbox can definitely use some love, and I need to do a little research on a vacation we're planning. But, overall, it's a free day for me. I could have blown it on the parade downtown, but I think I'll savor it instead by spending the day at home just relaxing.

I looked back on my list from this week last year and it's a hot mess. 24 tasks long, it gives me a headache to even look at it much less try to summarize it here for you. Two years ago? 2013? 18 tasks long. 2012? 16 tasks.

So, I think I'll brew a nice cup of tea and enjoy the day.


Cheers!
mouse

Almost Two Years in the Making

Dear Friends and Family,

Around this time 2013 I was beginning to surreptitiously begin my exit from old work. I had a list of people I wanted to say good-bye to. I had a list of things I wanted to finish. I had a list of things I needed to take home. My computer was scrubbed. And, I was beginning to count down the days to notifying daycare that we would be leaving. Our last day would be August 23, 2013. I was going to leave on a high note.

Instead I let money sway me. Against my better judgement I decided to stay part-time at old work for a ridiculous amount of money. There were a couple of things I learned while working part-time. While my hours went down by 65% and my pay went down by 30%, my work only went down by 10%. So, right off the bat I wasn't getting the better half of the deal. And, while I did have more flexibility to take off days P had off, and to be home for pick up, I still missed out on all of the field trips because they were on Thursdays when I was in the office. More proof that I wasn't getting the better half of the deal. Still, the money was good so I stayed. Until my position was eliminated and I left - this time on a much lower note. As far as everyone at old work was concerned I decided to leave, but inside I knew it was brought on by my position getting eliminated.

That was April 2014. Now, over a year after that cycle of events, I finally feel ready to put it all behind me. I had a dream where I was finally able to let go and put old work behind me. And, while I realize now that I should have left in 2013, I am also glad I did leave in 2014 and am not at old work now in 2015. P is a big kid now. Her little kid years are definitively behind her. I'm glad I got to spend the last year and two months enjoying the last of the little kid years.

Like P's birth, it took me some time to get over things I wished could have happened differently. I wish 2013 and 2014 could have happened differently. But, sitting here in 2015, I'm finally able to say it doesn't matter. I'm glad of where I got to and it doesn't matter how I got here. What's important is I am here.


Cheers!
mouse