Dear Friends and Family,
This is a hard post to write because you can dance around a bunch of issues, but I'm going to attempt to write it anyway.
My first job out of school was a technical job. And, as an Asian female, I was quickly in the minority. It was an amusing and a sad commentary on the state of affairs, but reality nonetheless - 4% of the overall population, split evenly between the sexes leaves me at 2% of the population, although, oddly, the Asian males felt overrepresented at more than 2% of my work world. It didn't phase me, I was just another cog in the great machine doing my piece to keep it all going.
Coming out of grad school, I was still an Asian female in a world where the Asian female population was still 2%. And, today, I am still an Asian female in a world where the Asian female population is still 2%.
So, what's changed?
My most recent job change last fall has put me in a world dominated by older, Caucasian men. A world in which I am their peer and colleague. I don't feel any discrimination. I don't feel any hostility. I don't feel any old boy's network working against me. But, it's still weird.
I feel like some of the younger, more junior women I work with look to me as a role model - as a possibility. If mouse can do it, so can I - which puts some pressure on me to be a role model which raises my bar on my expectations of myself.
Then, there's the stupid stuff. We have a weekly departmental meeting where all of the leads sit together at the head of the table and everyone else sits wherever they want. I'm not a big fan of that and I've always sat wherever I felt like. But, I recall a series of lectures I went to where they discussed how women give away power without realizing it. And, I realized by not taking my spot at the head of the table, I was subtly diminishing my role and me. So, yesterday, at the departmental meeting, I sat at the head of the table with my colleagues.
It felt weird. But, I don't think anyone thought anything of it, besides me. See, it's stuff - big stuff and stupid stuff, but stuff nonetheless. I'm glad I had the chance to attend the lecture series. Otherwise, I may have been blissfully unaware that actions and inactions can be interpreted so many different ways by others.
Cheers!
mouse
This is a hard post to write because you can dance around a bunch of issues, but I'm going to attempt to write it anyway.
My first job out of school was a technical job. And, as an Asian female, I was quickly in the minority. It was an amusing and a sad commentary on the state of affairs, but reality nonetheless - 4% of the overall population, split evenly between the sexes leaves me at 2% of the population, although, oddly, the Asian males felt overrepresented at more than 2% of my work world. It didn't phase me, I was just another cog in the great machine doing my piece to keep it all going.
Coming out of grad school, I was still an Asian female in a world where the Asian female population was still 2%. And, today, I am still an Asian female in a world where the Asian female population is still 2%.
So, what's changed?
My most recent job change last fall has put me in a world dominated by older, Caucasian men. A world in which I am their peer and colleague. I don't feel any discrimination. I don't feel any hostility. I don't feel any old boy's network working against me. But, it's still weird.
I feel like some of the younger, more junior women I work with look to me as a role model - as a possibility. If mouse can do it, so can I - which puts some pressure on me to be a role model which raises my bar on my expectations of myself.
Then, there's the stupid stuff. We have a weekly departmental meeting where all of the leads sit together at the head of the table and everyone else sits wherever they want. I'm not a big fan of that and I've always sat wherever I felt like. But, I recall a series of lectures I went to where they discussed how women give away power without realizing it. And, I realized by not taking my spot at the head of the table, I was subtly diminishing my role and me. So, yesterday, at the departmental meeting, I sat at the head of the table with my colleagues.
It felt weird. But, I don't think anyone thought anything of it, besides me. See, it's stuff - big stuff and stupid stuff, but stuff nonetheless. I'm glad I had the chance to attend the lecture series. Otherwise, I may have been blissfully unaware that actions and inactions can be interpreted so many different ways by others.
Cheers!
mouse
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