1, I Think

Dear Friends and Family,

I've never had a busier second to last day. Fire drills in the morning. Snafus with the wireless not working. Lunch meetings. Conference calls with India in the early afternoon. Lunch at my desk during a meeting. More meetings. Squeezed in meetings. People waiting at my desk.

I thought 4 o'clock would never get here. But, it did, as it always does.

And, after packing up my bag, I headed out to drop off the car and go to happy hour. I had a fabulous time. Several moms showed up. More people than I expected from work showed up. It was good.

In a way, I hope the part-time offer falls through because today it feels right to be thinking about leaving. I still have a batch of things I need to do in the office, but it feels like thinking about leaving is the right thing to do.

I have a 9 o'clock with my boss. We'll see where this all lands.


Cheers!
mouse

2?

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Thursday and I still have real work to do. I need to complete a mid-year assessment for one of my associates and I need to complete a presentation that my boss will give on my behalf next week.

Then, I have my going away happy hour this afternoon.

The only thing is I am exhausted. A bad storm woke me up at one, and I didn't really go back to sleep until my alarm clock rang. Sigh.

And, I know I'll have to get closure within the next day or two on whether or not I will stay for part-time work.

Really? Can leaving be any more difficult?

My first job was gracious. My team took me out to lunch, gave me some wonderful presents and wished me well at school. I left on a high note. My second job was typical. My team took me out to lunch and wished me well. I left on a high note. My third job was a little frenetic. My team scheduled lunch. HR decided I needed to be "walked" because my next job was a "competitor." My team still took me out to lunch and wished me well. I left on a high note.

This job? My team took me out to lunch. Everyone is wishing me well. Somehow, they're really making it hard to leave. Truly, why am I not surprised? Why appreciate you when you're there? Let's wait until you quit and then fight you tooth and nail to make you stay. That makes so much sense. Right.


Cheers!
mouse

3, The Ultimate in Random

Dear Friends and Family,

I am somewhat seriously considering working part-time for work. They're coming back to me today with an offer. I'll see if I take them up on it. I thought it would be rude to not at least have the conversation with them about it.

I also thought of two more things that I should have brought up with my bosses' boss yesterday. I'm somewhat kicking myself over it today. But, I'll bring them up with my boss today. We'll take it from there.

Happy Wednesday!


Cheers!
mouse

4, Reality Beginning to Set In

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Tuesday morning of my last week at full time employment. It's a weird feeling. I've got a couple of meetings today - one with my business unit head, my official exit interview, and several with friends and colleagues. I've begun giving out hugs because it's possible I will not see people again while I am at work this week.

I'm going through the motions and reality is beginning to set in. Oddly, I don't think it'll feel real until I hand in my badge, get in my car, drive to pick up P, and come home. Sometime after that it'll feel real. Right now, it's all a little surreal. Keep in mind, when we were expecting P, it didn't feel real until the night when she was born and I was holding her in my arms, talking to her while the whole world slept. Yes, being nine months pregnant didn't feel real. So, it's hardly surprising that this doesn't feel completely real.

Either way, it's Tuesday and I have four days left at work.


Cheers!
mouse

08.19.13: 5

Dear Friends and Family,

You couldn't ask for a better weekend, minus one painful monkey wrench.

We enjoyed the wonderful weekend weather, taking P on a bike ride, enjoying dinner on the roof, and going to the beach.

The only hiccup in all of this was my ankle. I've decided that walking and daydreaming is just a bad combination for me. That's when I roll my ankle and this time I rolled it pretty bad. The giant scrape on my right knee only made it worse. And, walking to the beach afterwards didn't help. And, forgetting to take Advil didn't help. And, sleeping without a brace certainly didn't help. So, I'm in a world of hurt this morning.

Outside of that, the weekend was great. P had so much fun in the sand and in the water. I think I'll take her to play in the sand even when the weather cools down a little. I think she'll enjoy it. I hope she grows up loving the water. It was such an integral part of my childhood.

P was so solicitous yesterday. She asked repeatedly if I was okay. She offered to help me walk by holding my hand. She cried when I told her I couldn't walk to the car with her and Mr. mouse. She helped me clean my knee when we got home. She gave me lots of hugs and kisses. I'm glad she's so compassionate.

And, now, I enter my final week at work. Many, many days down, five to go.


Cheers!
mouse

6...

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, my boss asked if I would be willing to come back part time after next Friday. And, to be honest, I'm not sure.

In a way, it's the perfect blend of work and non-work. I can do four hours a day and be home before P finishes school. I know moms who would kill for that arrangement - work twenty hours a week at a nice hourly rate, be done with work by the time their kids are done with school, focus on home for the afternoon.

And, that's why I'm not disregarding it out of hand.

But, at the same time, I know if I did that, I'd be postponing work on my idea. And, I really do want to work on my idea. I realize that someone else's ideal isn't my ideal. I just want to make sure I don't regret it if I do decide to pass on the part-time opportunity.

Either way, it's Friday and I don't owe anyone a decision until Monday. Happy Friday.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: P proclaimed yesterday that if she does decide to become a mommy, she wants Mr. mouse to be the daddy. I told her he would be too old by then and then we moved on to another topic. Mr. mouse assures me this is normal - that the other likely candidates would be Prince Eric and Jim Darling. I guess it is normal.

7?

Dear Friends and Family,

I had a great discussion with my former boss yesterday. He was very supportive of my decision. It felt really good to close the loop with him and get his advice on my idea. Then, my boss approached me about staying longer. I told him I needed to sleep on it.

We also had a play date yesterday. We met more parents. I'm feeling more comfortable now with the school decision we came to. A lot of the parents seem like perfectly nice people. I'll miss the parents from P's current school, but I'm not feeling as anxious anymore.

So, it's back to work today for another day.

On the home front, Mr. mouse and I have been at odds with each other the last few days. We had it out Sunday night because he was being an @$$ and criticizing everything for no real reason. And, we just had it out this morning. I'm not sure what the issue is. I feel like he's not being a supportive husband. No, it's not that. He is being a supportive husband. He's just being bossy now. This morning I felt the need to remind him that I not going to not say something just because I think it'll make him angry. If it needs to be said, it needs to be said, and if he's going to get angry about it, we'll all deal with the consequences, but I'm not going to not say it just because I think it'll make him angry.

Lovely.


Cheers!
mouse

8?

Dear Friends and Family,

Eight days left of work and today is a half day. P has her last play date with her new school this afternoon so I'll be picking her up early.

On the docket for today? I need to call her new school about lactose free milk and adding a mailing address to our account. I need to also do some trip planning for a trip we have coming up this fall. I need to work with a manager on my team to move meetings off of my calendar and onto hers in case she needs to make changes after I'm gone.

And, that's it for today. It's going quickly.


Cheers!
mouse

9

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, I gave notice. My boss and I spoke for nearly two hours after I gave notice. I'll miss him.

It feels good to be out in the open. It feels good to be going down a path I am excited about. It feels good to be moving on.

It also feels a little surreal, truth be told.

The funniest thing happened in the afternoon. A friend, Alex, stopped by. He wanted to make sure he caught me before I left. It touched my heart. My friend, Pete, was genuinely happy for me. My girlfriends were a little sad, but happy for me.

It all went better than I thought it would.

And, now, I should begin letting people know. I cleared my desk yesterday. Today, I'll write my 1:1 letters. I'll write my more formal letter the day I leave.

The next two weeks will go quickly.


Cheers!
mouse

08.12.13: 10

Dear Friends and Family,

P had lots of parent time this weekend. We spent Saturday morning together walking the neighborhood doing errands. P had the afternoon with Mr. mouse while I napped. We went to a birthday party together where P saw a working farm. Our kid is no longer deathly afraid of animals. We played school together.

Sunday, we went to church together. We went to look at ships together. We went to the park together. We painted together. We played school together.

I so enjoyed the baby years. And, the toddler years were fun. Now, I'm glad to enjoy the little kid years.

Last night, I cleared out my computer and my phone. I printed out my letter, signed it, and put it in an envelope. Today, I tell my boss. I tell my employees. And, on the way home, I tell P.

We're entering into a new phase together and I'm super excited.


Cheers!
mouse

11, I Define Me

Dear Friends and Family,

Oops. I forgot to hit the publish button yesterday. Sorry.

My day off yesterday was wonderful. I picked up a birthday gift for a friend. I picked up parking stickers. I ate dinner with P. And, I slept.

And, this morning, I had a chance to read the article instead of skimming it like I did yesterday. And, I'm feeling better.

Here's why I think I'm different. And, I know, everyone thinks they're unique. But, here's my thoughts.

1. My work doesn't define me. P does not define me. Mr. mouse does not define me.
   
   I define me.
   
   This is something I learned when I was in my early thirties at my last work. My self-worth and my self-confidence can't be defined my anyone but me. And, I alone define it.
2. The women in the article speak about shifting and sliding relationships with their spouse. I think it's different for Mr. mouse and me. We had 14 years together before P was born. Fourteen years during which we learned a lot about each other and dealt with our share of rough patches. I'm hopeful that those years make a difference. We're not a couple that met in our late-twenties/early-thirties dated for a couple of years, got married, had kids, and opted out. We're a couple that met while he was in business school, dated while I was in business school, got married, enjoyed a decade of marriage, had P, enjoyed four more years of being a family of three, and are now thinking about our next chapter in life.
3. Which brings me to my third observation. P is older than the infants defined in the article. She's four and starting full-time school. I'm not going to have some jarring moment when I transition from a full-time mom to a part-time mom with a kid in school. I don't think I'm a full-time mom.

I think I'm me. I'm retiring from work as I know it. I don't want a full-time job in a middle management position in a large corporation. After 15 years I'm done with that. I'm ready to retire. But, retirement for me never meant turning off my brain and golfing for the rest of my life. It just meant more flexibility to work on my own terms - perhaps something part time, or entrepreneurial, or something consulting based. It meant shifting in and out of work as I saw interesting things vs. getting up every morning for the rest of my life to continue doing more of what I'm doing now.

I'll still spend time with P. I want to. She's important. She's cool. She needs me. I love her. But, she doesn't define me. I'm looking forward to spending time with P, but I'm not retiring to be a full-time mom.

The house. A lot of the women seem to have a love/hate relationship with the house. I'm looking forward to housework. I benefit from a clean house more than Mr. mouse or P. I can't wait to go through the house and let me obsessive-compulsive side get a little obsessive-compulsive. And, no, I don't plan on doing the cleaning. We'll still keep our help for that, at least for now.

And, me. I'm very eager to spend some time on me. I want to get my health back. And, I'm excited about that.

So, after thinking and sleeping and rereading, I'm convinced I'm different. I hope I'm right.


Cheers!
mouse

12, Bonus Day

Dear Friends and Family,

Bonus day!

My boss is on vacation and I have one day vacation left that I know I won't be able to use once I give notice, so I'm taking today off. I slept in. I read my news. I'm writing my blog. Once I drop P off at school, I'll have some time to just relax and get my head on straight.

The only sour note is just as I'm getting ready to leave the work force, there's an article in the NY Times about "the opt out generation" and how they "want back in." Could any article have been more poorly timed? Am I going to regret my move ten years from now? I hope not. Ten years from now I'll be in my fifties. It'll be a little late for regrets at that point. Or, ten years from now, will I think this was the smartest decision ever?

It's funny. You do a bunch of soul searching. You talk to friends. You talk to your spouse. You do more soul searching. You come to a decision. Then, you let some generic article take you back to square one.

Nice, mouse. Nice.

I need to convince myself that I'm on the right path and that I'm doing the right thing. Or, just plow on ahead for the next 12 days regardless of the path and see where it leads me. I'm not going to not quit on Monday. I'm just perplexed now if I'm making the right decision.


Cheers!
mouse

13

Dear Friends and Family,

I had a most wonderful evening last night. Mr. mouse took me to the ballgame to see my favorite team play. The weather was perfect. P made it through the evening. And, although my favorite team lost, it was an exciting game which is all you can ever ask for. I even almost saw my favorite player play.

Days like yesterday make being tired the next morning worth it.

I need to get through more errands today. I need to drop off the last of the teacher gifts. And, we need to pick up mail. Hopefully the back pack I ordered for P is the right size for her for school this fall. That, and we're expecting another Egypt book because my mom goobered the one we brought home to show her. I swear, my family can be so careless with things. I know material things are only things and it's not worth getting upset over. But, they're notoriously careless and so they end up wasting money constantly replacing things. Thankfully, we seem to be able to take care of things in the mouse pad.

And, today is Hump Day. If I can make it through today the week will seem that much shorter tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

08.06.13: Welcome to 2013

Dear Friends and Family,

We spent the weekend with our neighbors. There was much food and time to catch up. And, as always, it's a little sad to see them go. I felt like I really had a chance to talk to them this time, even if things were so busy with stuff to do. We had a chance to talk college and careers and personality types and that's not something we get to do often.

Then, Monday came and it was time to drop off presents at school. One thing I've learned is P is shy even with her old teachers. Another thing I learned is she really doesn't like little kids. I had to talk to her about her manners, we had a lot of not responsiveness when her old teachers asked her questions and a lot of fidgeting when the younger kids started crying. I guess I should try to remember she's only four. She said she'd be better about it when we go to say bye in three weeks. We'll see.

And, Monday night, I got a little gift from Mr. mouse and me. I got a new iPhone to replace my feature phone. I needed a new phone because, in three weeks, I need to turn in my work phone. Yes, it's the one thing I wanted to buy for this transition. Now, I'm off to counting again.

14 days.


Cheers!
mouse

22, Definitely 22, Probably 22, What is 22?

Dear Friends and Family,

I had one of those days yesterday. My boss has been confiding in me more. He's getting me more resources. He's engaged in my work. He cares.

In short, he's being a good boss.

And, unfortunately, despite all the goodness flowing my way, I think the right answer is to still leave work. I think.

I just wish he wasn't going on vacation next week so I could quit already. Whoever thought it'd be this difficult to leave work?

Well, there's another person who's been on vacation for the past week and half. I'm sure once he's back I'll be more eager to leave. In fact, someone mentioned he's back today.


Cheers!
mouse

Not 1

Dear Friends and Family,

Today promises to be a busy day. And, tomorrow I'll go into work. And, I guess I will wait until my boss gets back before I quit. This is so complicated with him going on vacation next week.

I guess it's just another regular Thursday in the office. I hope my ear and head get better. At some point in the day yesterday a stabbing pain started on the right side of my head. I don't think it bodes well.


Cheers!
mouse