mouse's List

Dear Friends and Family,

In typical mouse fashion, I made a list yesterday of the things I am happy about and the things I am not happy about. Then, I sorted them into two piles, things I can control and things I can't control. The things I am happy about are so lame, it's kind of pathetic.

Happy

• a neat kitchen
• a neat bathroom
• a new book I am reading
• staying on top of my to do list
• spending time with P
• a functioning thyroid

One thing I noticed right off the bat is that, lame as the list is, all of this is under my control.

Not Happy, Not Under My Control

• the cold
• potentially owing so much in taxes, I can maybe change the situation for next year, but 2013 is what it is, nothing is going to change last year
• the relationship with Mr. mouse, we've had several discussions about it, we both agree the ball is in his court

Not Happy, Under My Control

• slow start up, I need to think of ways to get the word out
• not having time to work on start up, I need to quit old work for good if I want this to happen
• working for old work, I need to quit old work for good if I want this to happen
• when I lose it with P, I let this happen yesterday morning, I need to think about how to do this better since I know what the trigger and routine are
• not being in a real relationship, this is my choice, I am choosing to wait and see what happens with Mr. mouse

There, I have a list.

What I do with my list, I don't know. But, at least I have a list.

At a minimum, I'll continue to work on the house. I'll spend time with P. I'll think about how to manage my reaction when P triggers my panic reaction. I'll indulge my book reading happiness. Hopefully, it'll be warm soon and that'll cross one more thing off the list. I've got time this weekend to work on the start up with friends. That will, hopefully, speed things up.

And, then, there's the obvious, I need to quit old work. Why am I not quitting old work? Well, because. Having old work around makes me feel more secure in that I have my own source of cash if things go really sour. I like being financially independent. If things were better with Mr. mouse, I think I could get over this hurdle. After all, I was fine with it last summer. But, with the way things are right now, I want the security of having this job so that I can continue to work on my start up simultaneously. Without this job, I'd need to find a new job if things didn't work out with Mr. mouse. So, this is my best alternative to no agreement. My BATNA, in negotiations lingo. What's why I have not quit old work yet. Once I feel either secure in my start up or in my relationship, I think I will be in a different spot about old work.


Cheers!
mouse