Friday, March 21, 2014

Monday

Dear Friends and Family,

Monday.

There's one thing more Mr. mouse is working on. He told me he'd be done by Monday. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm not sure where this leaves us. I don't think it's as easy as turning on a light switch. But, I'm trying to be optimistic. It leaves us in a place where we can begin again.

It's not the best place to be, but it's not the worst place to be either. It's neutral ground. It's square one.

Well, I'd better go see why P is crying.


Cheers!
mouse

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Wacky Wednesday

Dear Friends and Family,

My schedule is a little different this week because I'm taking Friday morning off to see Divergent. Yes, I've moved my schedule around so I can watch a movie at 10am while P is at school.

So, today, I've got a hot date with the three hole punch, organizing P's art work.

And, it's Thursday, so I can give an update on the art work. It's partly completed. Here's the overall art work strategy:
  1. pile #1, it's not art pile: I have a binder for P's educational work. This includes sheets she does at home and at school. It's a 8.5" x 11" binder. I arrange the sheets chronologically. This binder is up to date.
  2. pile #2, the really good stuff pile: I want to make an album with the really good stuff. As I go through each month's worth of artwork, I'm isolating ~4 pieces per month of stuff I really like. I'll buy an album with acid-free pages to save these pieces of art.
  3. pile #3, most of the stuff pile: After I filter out the really good stuff, I go through my next filter. About 20 pieces make it through this filter. These pieces go in an 11" x 17" binder I bought. They get three hole punched. They get stapled to sheets if they are not the right form factor to three hole punch. It's not perfect preservation, but it's better than having it lie in piles around the house.
  4. pile #4, the rest of the stuff: This pile ends up being the odds and ends that didn't make the cut. And, when I look at all of the pieces I've saved, I don't feel bad about this pile. Mr. mouse will take pictures of it before we throw it away so we'll still have a digital memory of it. We just won't keep the paper copy.
And, that my friends is how we're trying to restore sanity into this house. We'll have artwork, just not lying in piles all around the house.

Off to a more routine Thursday.


Cheers!
mouse

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Chipping Away at the Hard Stuff

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, I took care of something that had been sitting on the back burner for a very long time. I fixed the dates on 160 photos from school ranging from 2011 through 2013. I know that sounds like a crazy thing to be proud of. But, it's something that's been sitting on my "laters" list forever.

I knew no one would die if I didn't get to it. But, I knew I would have a tough time incorporating the photos into P's books if they weren't dated correctly. Solution? Delay making P's books until the photos are dated correctly. Voila, three more things on the back burner. Problem solved.

Now that I have those photos dated correctly, I have some motivation to begin work on the books. It's funny how these things build in our minds. Task A needs to be completed before I can begin task B, but task C needs to be completed before I can begin task A, and so on and so forth. It's almost easier to ignore the whole chain of tasks.

But, I have to say, it feels good to make progress against it.


Cheers!
mouse

Monday, March 17, 2014

03.17.14: Worry Free Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

We had a lot of mouse family drama this weekend. But, I was still able to describe the weekend as worry-free. Yes, my dad called and my mom called and I called my sister and she called my mother and my brother and the permutations could go on forever, but, still, I'd categorize the weekend as worry-free.

We have less of a scramble getting the house ready for housecleaning. We were able to spend Saturday playing with friends, eating a leisurely lunch, and picking up a package Mr. mouse needed. We were able to spend Sunday at church, and then at lunch, and then split with me at a meeting with friends and Mr. mouse at a museum with P. We were able to spend the evening doing random things we wanted to do - Mr. mouse getting ready for a school presentation and me watching an auto race.

No, our weekend wasn't empty, but there wasn't a list of stuff hanging over our heads. We enjoyed it and it felt worry-free. It didn't have that feeling weekends used to have, oh, you might enjoy yourself now, but there's a piper waiting to be paid on Monday if you don't get some bare minimum of stuff done this weekend feeling.

I have to say, it felt good.


Cheers!
mouse

Friday, March 14, 2014

Friday, I Love You

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday. I love Friday for a lot of different reasons. It's the end of the week, and after many years of a weekday/weekend schedule, Friday still feels like the end of a week with a weekend of fun ahead. It's the day my helper comes over and helps me get stuff done in the house. It's my special treat. It's the day P and I cook dinner together. It's the day I have a slumber party with P.

See? It's just a lot of little things to make the day extra special.

Well, I'm off to enjoy my Friday.


Cheers!
mouse

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Progress on the List

Dear Friends and Family,

Time to revisit my list from two weeks ago.

Happy
  • a neat kitchen
  • a neat bathroom
  • a new book I am reading
  • staying on top of my to do list
  • spending time with P
  • a functioning thyroid
This list is still good.

Not Happy, Not Under My Control
  • the relationship with Mr. mouse: we made progress yesterday, hopefully we make more this weekend
This list has definitely gotten shorter. I've figured out I hate situations where I am unhappy and can't do anything about it. I need to learn to deal with this better, in general.

Not Happy, Under My Control
  • not having time to work on start up: I need to quit old work for good if I want this to happen
  • working for old work: I need to quit old work for good if I want this to happen
  • not being in a real relationship: this is my choice, I am choosing to wait and see what happens with Mr. mouse
This list has also gotten shorter.

No Longer Unhappy About
  • the cold: we've had some breaks in the weather, that's all I really need, a couple of days to recharge from winter
  • taxes: Mr. mouse finished them, we got a small refund
  • slow start up: we signed up a third client, it's temporary, but it's a morale boost nonetheless
  • when I lose it with P: I have not done this since I had a talk with P
Okay. I guess I continue to plug away at new work. And, I continue to figure out where my relationship with Mr. mouse is. Hopefully, we can put this all behind us at some point because February was a really low point in my life.


Cheers!
mouse

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Time to be More Choosy

Dear Friends and Family,

I rearranged my one page life into a new format. And, in doing so my space for tasks got smaller. So, for now, everything is scrunched into a smaller space and I'm okay with that for two reasons.

First, I'm motivated to get through what's on it to make space. Second, more importantly, I'm motivated to be more choosy about what makes it onto the list. There's 25 tasks on the list. That may seem like a lot, but in reality, it's not that bad all things considering. It's everything, including reschedule haircut, buy birthday present for a party in two weeks, get car emissions testing done, everything. It's all encompassing. But, in an ideal world, I'd like that all encompassing list to be 7-10 tasks long. Now, I'm motivated because when the list is as long as it is, there's no space to add new things. Nice.

Well, on that note, Happy Tuesday.


Cheers!
mouse

Monday, March 10, 2014

03.10.14: Obsessions

Dear Friends and Family,

It was a good weekend.

Saturday, we took P to the museum with her friend. Then, we went for Vietnamese food for lunch. I don't remember what we did when we came home. I think I napped while P spent time with Mr. mouse. Yes, I think that's what happened.

Sunday, we went to church and then to a birthday party. P fell asleep on the way home. I napped with P while Mr. mouse ran errands.

What really made the weekend for me was the homily at church. The priest spoke about temptations, but he took the discussion down an unexpected path to addictions and how even health addictions aren't healthy in the long run. And, I realized I've got a couple of unhealthy addictions, obsessions, compulsions right now.

There's the thing with getting the house under control. I realize this isn't the healthiest behavior. But, for now, I think I will try to keep this one going. There's a certain measure of calm I get from a clean house. Perhaps once I get the whole house under control I can loosen vigilance. But, at least I recognize this as unhealthy behavior.

There's the thing with dinner. Last week, with P dropping her nap, we had a couple of nights of repeatedly calling Mr. mouse's office to make plans for the evening. I've decided to drop this one altogether. Going forward, I don't care what time Mr. mouse comes home. P and I will begin dinner at six o'clock. If Mr. mouse is home to join us, great, if not, oh well. I am dropping the crazy calling every night to coordinate routine. It's just not worth it.

There's the thing with Mr. mouse. He's taking time tomorrow to deal with his baggage. We'll see where this leaves us. I need to recognize I don't control him or his thoughts or his actions. I only control me and my thoughts and my actions. So, if I'm unhappy, I can make changes in what I think and do. Obsessively waiting on him, hoping for change, watching for change is just more craziness. I'm done with this one too. It's just not worth it.

So, it was a very good weekend. I feel like I'm in a better place today.


Cheers!
mouse

Friday, March 07, 2014

What To Do with My Friday

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday. I'm up inordinately early. I fell asleep at 7:30 last night. I got up a little after 2:00 this morning. This should make for an interesting Friday.

Mr. mouse was busy last night. There's one load of laundry left. The dishwasher was running when I woke up.

It's tough to process information when it's four in the morning and you've already been up for two hours.

I think I'll... I'm not even sure where to get started. I think I'll have tea and think through my day.

Remind me, the next time I'm debating going to sleep early. Falling asleep at 7:30 could be great, but it could have unintended consequences.


Cheers!
mouse

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Adjusting

Dear Friends and Family,

It'll come as no surprise to you that I'm not the happiest person right now.

In the midst all of this, we're also adjusting to P dropping her nap. We can still get her to nap, but we decided it was a sub-optimal nap. It took her awhile to fall asleep and then we'd be fighting bedtime in the evening. So, for the past two days we've been skipping nap.

Odd as it may sound, it changes everything.

We now have a solid two hours to play together in the afternoon. We have time for lessons. We have time for story dictation. We have time for science experiments. We have time for all sorts of things. Then, dinner comes a lot earlier - as in 6:00 early. Dinner used to be an 8 o'clock event.

The big change comes after P goes to sleep. She's in bed by 7:30, not 10:00. So, I have the evening free. The last two nights I used it to do housework. And, while it's gratifying to have a clean house, I feel short changed. Instead of spending time with P, I'm spending my evening doing housework while Mr. mouse is passed out either in P's room or in our room.

How did this all of a sudden become my sole responsibility?

There's a piece of me that feels like Mr. mouse's life got a lot easier when I left work. My life? I'm not too sure.

I think, another option, at least for the moment, is to spend a quick half hour doing housework, from 7:30-8:00, say, and then to go out. Perhaps I'll go to a coffee house, or a bar, or a bookstore, or somewhere. But, I feel like I'm boxed in and there's a piece of me that wants to be free.

Well, we'll see where this heads.

The other part I'm not sure how to deal with is P's perception of time with me vs. Mr. mouse. Since she spends a lot of time with me in the afternoon, she wants to spend a lot of time with Mr. mouse when he gets home. Still, it feels like she spends time with me because she has to, and then when she has a choice, she prefers to spend it with Mr. mouse. I'm not sure I want to instill that mental model. And, I'm not sure how I feel with that perception.

Sigh.


Cheers!
mouse

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Date for a Date

Dear Friends and Family,

Do you know how you can recognize a program manager? Here's an excellent example.

There are two tasks left on Mr. mouse's to do list before we can begin thinking about where this relationship is headed.

I asked Mr. mouse last night if he had a date for when he wanted to target completion of the first task. He said no. Then, I pressed him and asked him if he had a date for when he'd have the target completion date. A date for a date. That's program management, folks.

And, he said, yes. He has a date for the date. This Friday. Well, I suppose I'll bin that in the progress column.


Cheers!
mouse

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Uninspired

Dear Friends and Family,

There are times where even I can look at a to do list and not be motivated. Today is one of those days. Nothing on it is very appealing.
  1. spring shoes for P: It's 12° out. It just doesn't seem right to be shopping for spring shoes when it's 12° out.
  2. schedule P's party: I need to research places to hold her birthday party. This is always a tough task.
  3. emissions testing: Perhaps I'll do this this weekend.
  4. washer fluid: who can get excited about washer fluid? I'll check to see if we have any in the 12° garage.
  5. Chicago Parent: I need to find a recent copy and go through it. They always have good tips on stuff to do.
  6. artwork screen: Now that February is done, I can begin going through P's artwork to pick what gets saved in the book, what gets saved in the binder and gets tossed.
  7. taxes: I'm going to let Mr. mouse finish this one. I'm afraid of looking at it funny and going from refund to payment.
  8. spring clothes for P: It's 12° out.
  9. photo book: We have a $20 credit on Shutterfly. I think that equates to a free photo book.
  10. school year book, page 15: This just needs to get done.
  11. car seat: now that P is officially big enough for a new car seat, we need to research and buy one.
  12. dinner with friends: I need to schedule dinner with two friends. I think I'm waiting on emails from them.
  13. school year book email: I need to see if there's anything I need help on... like page 15... hmm...
  14. thank you card: for the hosts from the event we went to Saturday night.
  15. withholding amount: I think we need to change this so we aren't cutting it as close next year.
Well, that's the uninspired list.

I think I'll tackle thank you card. Those are always best when they are immediate. Yes. That's what I'll try and get done today.


Cheers!
mouse

Monday, March 03, 2014

03.03.14: Busy Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Monday and I'm in a better spot than last Monday.

P had a math fair on Saturday. And, Mr. mouse and I did not do well with the fair. First, he accused me of doing the project for P. Then, I accused him of the same. We are just not in a good spot.

We spent Saturday afternoon running errands. We returned a dress I didn't need. We dropped off a watch to have the battery replaced. We dropped off rings and key chains to be polished. P and I napped while Mr. mouse went in to the stores.

Saturday night, Mr. mouse and I had an event to attend. We dropped P off with friends who had hired a baby sitter and the four of us headed out for the evening. We rarely go out without P. And, when we do it's almost always for events since we are fine bringing her with us to places where it's just the three of us.

I had a lot of fun just talking with the other adults. It was nice to be out and have the time to be with adults. I have snippets of conversation here and there at drop-off and pick-up and at work, but to have a couple of hours was nice.

Sunday, I met with a close friend who agreed to help me with my marketing plan. We now have a mostly complete Facebook page. Hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll have enough content to be able to share it with our network to grow our client base.

The kitchen is still mostly under control. The bathroom is still neat. I finished the book I was reading. I'm looking forward to reading it again. Yes, I do crazy things like read books multiple times. No, I don't consider that a waste of my time. My to do list is still under control. And, I've been enjoying life with P, as always. And, she seems to be in a happier spot now than she was a week ago.

The cold. Well, it's still cold. And, it's still snowing a lot. And, it's March. The only ray of hope is Friday. It's supposed to be above freezing without snow on Friday. Friday is only five days from today.

Taxes. Mr. mouse was working on our taxes when I woke up. We still need to double check them, but it looks like we may get a small refund. It's a smaller refund than I would like, but I'm not going to quibble. It's much better than owing money. And, if we're getting a refund, I'm okay with a spring break trip. I didn't want to go if we had a large tax bill hanging over our heads, but with a refund, I'm game.

The relationship with Mr. mouse. Well, I'm not sure if we've made a lot of progress on this front. He knows what he has to do. He knows I'm getting impatient. We'll see if we make any progress on this front. If not, I know where this is headed and I think I am okay with that. I'm not happy with it, but I've come to terms with it.

Work. The convoluted thing that is work is still convoluted. I'm glad I made progress on my business this weekend. I'm optimistic that it will lead to good things. At least I now have things to do, and there's nothing like a to do list to keep me happy. Old work is still a disaster. But, I've also resigned myself to continuing to plug away at it while Mr. mouse and I sort through our lives and I work on growing my new business.

P. I'm proud to say I had a conversation with P about my fears and we've worked through them together. She's so precious, I'm afraid of all the people out in the world with less than good intentions. When she wanders or makes a run for it, I panic. She's been better about staying close since we spoke. It's hard being a parent. It's even harder when the world seems to salivate when they see your kid. I'm not sure a lot of parents can relate. I think they think I'm overreacting. I'm not. Really. I'm not.

Well, so, overall, I'm in a better place. I'll continue to work on the house. I'll continue to work on my to do list. I'll keep my fingers crossed on the weather and on spring break. I'll plug away at both of my work obligations. And, I'll hope Mr. mouse recognizes the urgency of getting our relationship back on track.


Cheers!
mouse