Kauai Update, Part 4C - What I Learned

Dear Friends and Family,

Lots to cover this morning...

Rewind to Kauai... Actually, this all started before Hawaii and continues, but it happened in the time frame, and culminated in Kauai so I'm taking the liberty of including it here.

I was in Korea the summer of 1998. I had a summer internship out there that was hell on wheels. Well, towards the end of summer, a couple of friends invited me on a hike up a famous mountain on the border of Seoul. It was a tough hike, but when we got to our vantage point, I had a chance to reflect on the summer overall.

I realized, at the time, that while the summer had been an abysmal failure, that if Mr. mouse had been in Korea with me, I would have been okay. We would have found a way to make it work. I left with a faith the Mr. mouse and I could, as a team, always land on our two (technically, four) feet and make it through any tough situations okay. I left the mountain with renewed faith. Maybe it was naive, but, it was where I was in my life's journey.

Fast forward eight years to this summer. There was a day when work was going "poorly" and Mr. mouse wasn't being supportive... And, I was at wits end. What's the correlation? Well, in Kauai, when we were up on the "mountain" in Waimea Canyon, I felt alone. Now, our relationship is stronger now than it's ever been. But, I felt alone. And, it all crystallized...

Maybe, the only person I can truly count on, always and forever, is me. And, maybe, it won't all end up okay in the end. Maybe, it'll be a bust... Now, don't think I'm being a downer or anything or think I don't value the love and support I get from you all. It's actually very refreshing and liberating, truth be told. It frees Mr. mouse from the burden of savior and champion and let's him be "merely" friend and companion. And, it frees me from running around in mental circles. It's GOT to end okay, so what assumption am I making wrong? what angle am I missing? what action is within my control? ARGH! Help! Instead, it allows me to say, maybe, it isn't going to be okay. Maybe, I'm assessing it all correctly and it is going to suck. Now, that's an okay ending. I can move on instead of trying to find the missing piece.

On the surface, Waimea Canyon could have driven us further apart. Instead, it brought us closer together.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: I had a pretty bad scare last night. Had some funny stuff go on with the heart. Thought of going into the emergency room, but didn't. Will probably go in today, if Mr. mouse can find me a appointment, to get it looked at. I'm sure it'll all be fine, but it scared me last night.