Happy Friday and Then Some

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday. I have one MAJOR obstacle to get through at work. Then, it's the weekend.

And, word of warning. I'll be taking next week off from my blog. No worries. I'll be back after Labor Day.


Cheers!
mouse

High Comedy at Work

Dear Friends and Family,

There's bullshit and there's bullshit. And, when it piles higher and higher, sometimes you think it'll envelope you. Then, you realize, you don't care. Except, sometimes you still do, a little bit, because there's this thing called professional pride.

Work has reached high comedy proportions.

There's the data that's been wrong for a month now. And, supposedly, at some point in the future, it will be fixed. Right.

There's the incompetent fool who decides to publish an "analysis" of my work without even consulting me. His results make no sense whatsoever, but it's getting play time nonetheless from people who don't step back and use some common sense.

There's the bunch of persistent and highly annoying consultants who seem to think I have nothing better to do with my day than cater to their needs.

There's a colleague who I thought was a friend who personally attacked me in front of a group of people for no good reason. Actually, he had a very good reason, he's angry and stressed and overworked. But, that not a good reason to take it out on me.

And, I'm sure there's more. But, that's what comes to mind right now.

No. Wait. There's one more. I knew there was one more. There's the system that magically breaks down every time they make "improvements" to it. And, it's malfunctioning and no one has a real clue why. Lovely. Oh, these are the same people who are working on my data issues. Even better.

You can't make this #$%@! up. Really. You can't.


Cheers!
mouse

Simply Happy Days

Dear Friends and Family,

We've got a busy day ahead of us.

It's P's first dance recital. We think.

The classes are notoriously disorganized. In fact, we haven't paid for a single class yet due to their inability to produce a bill. But, all that aside, it's P's first dance recital and I'm excited about it.

Then, apparently, I need to get back to the office to our team meeting because, your mouse if being recognized for something or other. After almost six years at the company, I'm being recognized for something. Huh.

And, after all that excitement, I'm headed to a baseball game tonight. It's an early birthday present.

Hooray! Happy Wednesday, everyone.


Cheers!
mouse

Red Light Cameras, Oh, That's How They Make Money

Dear Friends and Family,

Traffic cameras. I used to wonder how they were smart enough to do what they do, especially after I got a ticket for a marginal call on a no turn on red when pedestrians are present situation.

How many sensors would you need to be able to be smart enough to do that?

Turns out none.

Here's what I think is really going on.

The camera doesn't try to catch you in the act. That's just too hard.

The camera blindly records the whole red light, every red light.

Then, behind the scenes, the company pays some warm body some nominal amount to watch the red lights. It doesn't have to be here. You can outsource it. The warm bodies can screen for anything close to an infraction. Then, you can have a second level filter, who makes marginally more, make to final call on who gets a ticket.

Old school math: Let's assume in an eight hour period, two people merit a ticket. Assume $50 a ticket, that'd be $100 in revenue. But, the cost of the police officer monitoring the light would be more than $100 in cost for the same eight hours. Not worth their while.

New school math: Let's assume the same two infractions at $50 a ticket. No police officer. Assuming red lights and green lights are equal in duration, and that you can watch them at 30% faster than real time. One person can watch eight hours of time in just under three hours. If you pay that person $10 an hour and pay the person who makes the final call $15 an hour, you can make money in this scenario. Spend $30-35 and make $100 in revenue, and you have $65-70 to spare which more than covers the cost of a blind camera and the equipment which scales. Pay $6 an hour and they you can really rock and roll.

No technology. Just cheap labor.

At least that's my latest hypothesis.


Cheers!
mouse

08.20.12: Battling P Instead of Each Other

Dear Friends and Family,

Well. This weekend was better than last weekend.

We're still not completely happy with each other. But, we're in a better spot than we were last Monday morning so I'll consider that progress. Mr. mouse has been slowly verbalizing his list, but I'm sure there's more than what I've heard so far.

P is still struggling through some habits she's picked up out of nowhere that we're trying to kick. There's whining. There's screaming. There's whispering. There's crying when she doesn't get her way. There's relentless babble. Sometimes she's so precious. Sometimes she's so exasperating.

Last night, she was battling Mr. mouse over dinner. I don't know why the two of them always battle over dinner. But, at some point, I switched seats with Mr. mouse and he left to pick up bread and Diet Coke. And, P and I finished dinner together. Mr. mouse got back just as she was finishing her chicken and we were able to end dinner on a high note.

Later in the evening, she hit a rough patch when I told her she couldn't have a third book. So, I picked her up and carried her to her bed and put her in it. She cried and cried and cried and eventually asked for Mr. mouse. She found center enough to give me hugs and kisses and then read with Mr. mouse for an eternity before going to sleep.

The rest of the weekend? Saturday was a busy day with a haircut, concert, picnic and air show. Sunday was quieter with Target and groceries and pizza and nap. Oh, and we recycled an old printer and bought a 32GB memory card. It holds 3,000+ pictures on one card.


Cheers!
mouse

Free Mouse

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday. It's August 17th. It's almost the end of summer.

And, it's a big day for mouse.

Yesterday, the official email went out from P's school that they are opening the doors of the school to the community. In other words, P's school is no longer tied to my work. Having made the commitment to stay at work until P went to school next fall, I am now free to renege on that commitment without any real impact on P's school experience.

I'm free.

Oddly, I don't think it'll change anything in the immediate future.

I'm still working on getting insurance for my company. And, then, I still want to try it out and prove it's a viable option. Then, I want to make sure I'm not doing something financially reckless. Then, I think I'll be ready to make a decision.

In the mean time, it is still a very different world for me today. Because the thing that did change was the pressure. If I get let go or if my position gets eliminated or any number of things, then P's school isn't impacted by my work change.

I'm free.


Cheers!
mouse

Breathing

Dear Friends and Family,

And after all of the drama of last weekend, I'm at a standstill. I've given Mr. mouse until after Labor Day to come back with a legitimate list of what's bothering him. My chances of getting something workable aren't great since this isn't his strong point, but I'll tackle that when we get there. If I pull the deadline up, he'll revolt since he'll claim he didn't have enough time to think through it.

In the mean time, the other person in a funk is P. She had a rough day yesterday and we have a list of 10 possible reasons why. We talked through all of them and I don't think it's any one reason, I think it's the sum of a bunch of little reasons. Today, I'm going to talk to her about it all and let her know that it's okay to have sad days. At the same time, it's important to be aware of your emotions and not let them take over your day.

And, for me. Where is mouse? I'm plodding through my existence recognizing that overreacting now won't make it all better later. I think that's a key to resilience - not letting it all overwhelm you when it happens. Take a deep breathe and wait it out. Sooner or later the path forward will become obvious. Until then rampaging about won't make it better and will probably make it worse.

I had a bad day at work yesterday too. The numbers still aren't right. The group I'm working with is making stupid decisions. My boss is a putz. And, I can't figure out who to hire. Sad trombone.

On a positive note, I've decided not to make plans for July 4th which reduces my over-scheduling and crosses something off of my to do list at the same time. And, I've decided the lunch bag works so that crosses another thing off of my to list. And, I think the car oil light is fixed since I haven't seen it in a long time. Three down for the week. I'll call that good.


Cheers!
mouse

Tackling Achy

Dear Friends and Family,

I should clarify. Not being able to have an adult conversation with Mr. mouse is a function of time and venue, not of capability. There's not a lot of time we have alone together. Most of the time, P is up and with us. And, she insists most conversations include her. She's fine with us talking, but she'll chime in so we're not talking about serious matters for protracted periods of time like we used to.

While I'm waiting for Mr. mouse to come up with his list (which he's conveniently putting off) I think it's not a bad idea to work on my own list.

I going to tackle being achy since that casts a pall over the whole day. There's a couple of theories on this. I can tackle external achy and internal achy. I can't control the weather which can at times make me achy. And, I'm not going to tackle an anti-inflammation diet right now because that's more work than I'm willing to commit to right now.

So, I'm going to tackle external achy. One easy thing is to get rid of the pillows on the bed and replace them with new pillows. They're older than dirt and I think they're contributing to achy. The other harder thing to do is to find time to stretch. There are times I feel like I'm wound tighter than a spring.

Time. Time. Time. Saying find time to stretch is a comical thing to say. For it to happen, I need to answer my standard habit questions. Trigger? Routine? Reward?

Trigger. I can't see myself squeezing it into the morning. I don't see myself squeezing it into the evening. So, that only leaves one viable time slot. After I give P hugs and kisses and she goes off to read with Mr. mouse.

Routine. Well, one thing I'll need to modify is my retainer routine. I think yoga without a retainer is better than yoga with a retainer. So, I'll need to put on my retainer after yoga instead of before. I like the idea of staying upstairs vs. coming back downstairs. So, that means it'll probably be in the bedroom in my pajamas. I should see if there are any good 15 minute routines that'll help me wind down.

Reward. Hopefully better peace of mind and less achy.

Okay. Let's see if I have this down: after I put P to bed, instead of climbing into bed and reading for a little bit, I will:

1. do a little yoga
2. put on my retainer
3. climb into bed
4. read a little bit
5. go to sleep

Let's see if it works. Which reminds me, I need to start taking down laundry again. Somehow I lost that routine.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: I think I'll give Mr. mouse until September 10th to come up with his list. I'd rather he take the time to get it right than to come up with mumbo jumbo.

Mouse Brain Vomit

Dear Friends and Family,

I won't say it's all better, but it's definitely a brighter day than it was yesterday. I haven't forgiven Mr. mouse and we still need to work through whatever it is that got him to the point he got to on Sunday, but at least we've walked away from the edge of the cliff.

If he can't verbalize what got him there or if we can't figure out a way to prevent future incidents, then this may quickly go sour again, but for now, I'm going to wait a little bit and give him the chance to think and figure out what happened.

Because, if it's really about me hanging up the phone to call my mother back instead of spending the time then and there to figure out how to disable speakerphone, then we've got BIGGER issues.

In the mean time, since I've asked Mr. mouse to come up with a list of things he is unhappy about and/or that make him angry, in all fairness, I've decided to come up with a similar list.

in random threads

being tired, being over goal weight, feeling out of shape, achy joints, achy neck, achy back, no clothes that fit, humid summer days

bad commutes, when my boss acts like a putz, when the numbers are all wrong, not having an analyst, everyone leaving work, no bonus, no raise, no promotion

when P is whiney, when I battle P, listening to Mr. mouse battle P

all the junk in the house

school planning (because it's so tightly tied to work)

not having time alone with Mr. mouse, not being able to have an adult conversation with Mr. mouse

when Mr. mouse tells me what to do, when Mr. mouse is patronizing, when Mr. mouse interrupts me, when Mr. mouse corrects me, when Mr. mouse assumes I can read his mind

not having free time, being over scheduled, not having time alone

spending too much money

Mr. mouse dominating P's time when we're all together

Well, that's a longer list than I realized.

There's stuff on it we can tackle together. I know one of his buttons is when I get loud.

I think I know why I get loud.

I get loud because I want him to hear that I'm purposefully not doing whatever he's got in his head that I need to do (this is a bad habit of his father's). I get loud when he's patronizing because I think it's obnoxious. I get loud when I get interrupted because I want to continue what I'm saying. I get loud when I get corrected (this isn't over factual stuff, but over opinions, and my opinion counts too). I get loud when he assumes I can read his mind because I can't and then I'm frustrated and then I'm loud.

Now, it's not like he's doing all of the above 100% of the time. Seems chunkable.

And, last but not least, I don't like that he dominates P's time when we're all together. I'm not sure I ever told him that, since I just realized it myself last night. This one I need to stew on a little longer.


Cheers!
mouse

08.13.12: Where Do I Begin?

Dear Friends and Family,

I don't even know where to begin.

I could paint a rosy picture of the weekend focused on P's request to feed the ducks (which we did on Saturday) and eat french fries in the streets (which we did on Sunday).

Or, I could paint a dark picture of the weekend focused on the fight Mr. mouse and I had which culminated in my throwing the phone down the stairs, his waving a knife around in a way that both scared me and angered me, and P crying over watching the spectacle.

Like I said, I don't even know where to begin.

Perhaps, I can begin by saying something snapped in me last night during the whole incident. This isn't going to be an easy one to move on from.

I felt a level of danger I never felt before. It wasn't directed at P. It was directed at me. But, I'm not going to raise P in a household where she sees a woman unable to walk out on a unhealthy relationship.

At the same time, I'm trying to boggle through my head the ramifications of raising P in two households and/or if sole custody is even an option I can win. I don't think I want to do that to P either.

Lots to think through. But, in the meantime, if I end up found in little pieces in sandwich bags scattered over the city, please call the authorities.


Cheers!
mouse

Friday Blues

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm feeling a little blue.

Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to two close friends. One is moving to New Jersey and the other is moving to Seattle. I'm so excited for them, but I'm going to miss them.

Another colleague is moving to Phoenix, but I wasn't very close with him so I don't think I'll miss him much.

And, I still miss our admin who left. She was a ray of sunshine no matter how dreary the day.

It's getting lonely at work. I'm happy for my friends who are moving on to bigger and better things. I'm excited about making progress on my idea, but I'll be honest, it's a little scary as well. I'm sad because work is such a drag on my happiness. The people that are left are a sad combination of desperate and incompetent and political and bitter. It's a wonderful place to spend the day. Really.

And, to top it off, the lunch bag was a bust. It was a lot smaller than the website implied. Sigh.


Cheers!
mouse

Thursday Obsessions

Dear Friends and Family,

Well. I did not cross anything off the to do list yesterday.

But, I think I can cross two things off of the to do list today.

I ordered a new lunch bag for P. Hopefully it is in the mail when we go to pick up mail tonight. And, I ordered a new phone for the house. Hopefully it is in the mail when we go to pick up mail tonight.

If the lunch bag works and the phone works, I'll be back on course to cross one thing off each day this week.

I'm not sure why this is an obsession. I think it's because I added a bunch of things to the list and I want to convince myself that the list is shrinking, not growing.

Either way, time to go look at my work stuff briefly. Then, get ready for work. Dinner tonight with a friend followed by bath for P and hopefully two fewer things on the to do list.


Cheers!
mouse

First World Problems

Dear Friends and Family,

Would I rather have many small trips next year or one big trip?

Yes, I know. First world problems most people don't begin to deal with.

But, honestly, this is something I've been spending some time thinking about. Is one week in Egypt and Jordan seeing the pyramids and Petra a better use of our travel funds? Or is it better to spend the time here, in the US, and take a half dozen or more trips?

I know Mr. mouse is enamored with the concept of one big trip. And, he's picked two destinations from my bucket list. It's hard to even contemplate saying no. I just feel a little too spoiled in saying yes.

Perhaps we'll go, but I won't tell anyone about it. I'll tell them we went to California instead.

First world problems.


Cheers!
mouse

Staring Down My To Do List

Dear Friends and Family,

At times it seems like it never ends. Like Sunday, when I noticed my retainer is broken. That means I need to add getting that fixed to my to do list. Yes, the tyranny of the list.

I'm staring at the list to see what my options are for today. I'm determined to cross off one thing each day this week.

What are my nows?

1. trip planning
2. watch F1 race
3. get shoes fixed
4. trip planning for next summer
5. get my retainer fixed
6. retrieve towel from trash can

I'll call today about my retainer. But, I'm quite sure it won't arrive in the mail tonight. I'll ask Mr. mouse to drop off my shoes, but I'm quite sure they won't be fixed in a day.

Guess, I'm left with watching the F1 race or retrieving the towel from the trash and throwing it away. Perhaps I'll go do that now.


Cheers!
mouse

08.06.12: Overscheduled Mouse

Dear Friends and Family,

We had friends in town. And, I think, both Mr. mouse and I wish we had had more time to spend with them while they were here.

Monday, we came home and had a delicious dinner of ribs and beets. Tuesday, Mr. mouse had a work dinner. I was able to meet our friends for dinner. Wednesday, Mr. mouse had work, and I had bath and bed duty for P. Thursday, P had a birthday party. And, Friday, we had a family picnic at school.

We had time on Saturday for breakfast with our friends. Then, we had to return the rental car. We had lunch on Saturday before P napped and we all headed out to our respective evening activities (music concert and a baseball game). Sunday, we had breakfast together and they headed out for home.

How is that possible? I kid you not. Most weeks, we have zero plans for the weeknights, outside of dinner one night when we get mail.

Well. I hope they enjoyed the trip. And, I'll have to make the extra effort to make more time their next trip here.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: We got P a backpack. She loves it. I think Mr. mouse is tired of watching her play "kid and Mom" with me.

Goal: 52 Things Will Leave the Mouse Pad Update

Dear Friends and Family,

I am going to try and have 52 things meaningfully leave the mouse pad this year. What do I mean by meaningfully? No, it doesn't mean I'm giving away things loaded with meaning. It means it's purposeful decisions to remove something that has found a home in our home. In other words, clearing out old bananas doesn't count, they never found a home. Clearing out old toys counts since they would linger in the basement given no active actions on our parts.

The List (most recent departures listed first):

1. This one hasn't been in the house all that long. But, minus active actions on our part, I could see myself having to deal with it sometime in the far future. It's an umbrella. I bought it for P for her third birthday because that's what she wanted for her birthday - chocolate cake and an umbrella. But, it turned out to be much too big for her. Since I bought it from some small store in Oregon (online), returning it seemed like more bother than it was worth. Our friend, Gracie, said she would take it. She likes it. Win. Win.
2. My college graduation gift from my parents. Actually, it might also have been a house warming gift from my parents for my new apartment, my first home outside of theirs. Sounds like something you should keep forever, doesn't it? Except, it's a 27" tube TV that we no longer watch. We finally recycled it this weekend when our friends were over, since we could fit it in their truck.
3. I don't even know where to begin. It started this morning, when I went upstairs to put the floss away and I realized the area under our sink was a disaster. First, there were the seven plastic bins, packed with stuff, piled up to the top of the cabinet, three on one side of the sink and four on the other side of the sink. Then, there was stuff wedged on top of the bins and piled all around the bins. I can't count each individually or this list would grow well beyond the 52 goal, but it seems like it should count for more than one entry. I know, I'll count it by the bagful of junk I threw out. The first bag was filled with expired stuff like sunscreen and eye drops.
4. The second bag was filled with stuff we don't use anymore like (expired) rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide.
5. The third bag was junk junk like plastic bags, leaking mouthwash, empty containers. And, what's left looks so much better. Three plastic bins on the left (from bottom to top): teeth, first aid, travel. And, on the right hand side: bathroom supplies, more unopened supplies, and more unopened supplies. In the middle? One open bin with the remaining partially used, not expired, still useful supplies, like sunscreen and bug spray and lotion.
6. burp cloths... Ask me why it was so difficult letting these go and I will not be able to give you a good answer. They were piled on P's dresser. I internally debated giving them to my sister. I kept them in March. This time, I bit the bullet and put them in the bag for my sister. I kept 4. I gave her 8.
7. diaper bag... This one is comical because my sister gave me the diaper bag when we were expecting P. Now that P is potty trained, we've been using a smaller bag. And, even if it was from my sister, I put it in the bag for her.
8. random pile of stuff on the stairs to the deck: put the gardening tools and extension cord back in the garage, put the slippers with the other slippers, brought down an anonymous faucet head for Mr. mouse to assess, left the flashlight, and last but not least, threw out a pair of old shoes and a bag of rusty nails.
9. What do you call an old swimsuit missing one underwire? Junk, that's what you call it.
10. We've got friends coming over in a couple of weeks. Nothing like company to motivate a little clean up - especially of the basement where they'll be sleeping. It was also a good time to do a sweep of the basement for stuff for my sister. Looking at the baby stuff, I started sorting it into three piles... one small pile to keep, one small pile to give to my sister, and one large pile to throw away. In the toss column: 2 old breast pumps and one box.
11. junk: peg toy we inherited (missing pegs)
12. toy: set of giant pipe cleaners
13. junk: Halloween themed cup and five empty boxes
14. baby gear: two booster seats
15. book: Cooking for Baby
16. toy: toy computer
17. toy: baby animal puzzle
18. toy: bird house with four plush birds
19. toy: Mega Blocks table and blocks
20. junk: 4 planters, 1 watering can
21. useful, just not for us: 1 hose reel, 2 hoses
22. useful, just not for us: P's toddler pool
23. junk: 2 rusty lounge chairs, 1 stool
24. junk: 4 solar lights that no longer light
25. junk: a bucket and a lid
26. useful, just not for us: a basket
27. books: Gone with the Wind, Brave New World
28. toy: Mr. Potato Head MLB edition
29. baby gear: the Boppy
30. odds and ends: new drawer used for kitchen towels
31. odds and ends: guest bathroom counter
32. useful, just not for us: crock pot
33. useful, just not for us: hurricane with almond candle
34. junk: old bath salts and perfumes
35. baby gear: foam roll
36. baby gear: 256 2 oz breast milk storage containers
37. toy: truck (combo riding and push toy)
38. toy: dog security blanket
39. toy: battery-operated toy train
40. toy: stacking pyramids
41. toy: hammer and eight nails
42. useful, just not for us: cane

We'll see if I can get to 52 this year. I'm cautiously optimistic.


Cheers!
mouse

One More Thing Done

Dear Friends and Family,

Ticking off one item at a time on the to do list. After some snippets of discussion, we bought a new phone for the house today. The old phone works. But, for some reason the ability to have multiple handsets join into a conversation stopped working a couple of years ago.

You're probably wondering, if it hasn't worked for the past couple of years, why bother? Right? Well, we've wanted the capability to call my parents or Mr. mouse's folks and have all of us on the phone at the same time for awhile now. It's just never been top of mind. But, it was on the list, and low hanging fruit. So, now, it's on the way.

$35 for a technology no one really uses. But, it's one we have a use for.


Cheers!
mouse

Cars, Cars, Go Away

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Thursday and life just isn't that exciting today. I'm getting better. P is getting better. Mr. mouse is working through his cold.

Traffic yesterday was another disaster.

Honestly, when in it was just Friday, it wasn't bad at all. It's one day. Then, it became Thursday and Friday. Now, it's pretty consistently Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And, honestly, it's enough to make you tear your hair out.

It's hard to complain, because if you're on the road, it means you're part of the problem.

What is the behavior I want to change? 5-10% fewer cars on the road. That's all it takes to resolve traffic. But, if I pay 10% of drivers not to drive, new drivers will come into the system because the traffic isn't that bad. Gas taxes would just mean poorer people can't drive.

I'd personally benefit from an HOV lane since there's always two in our car. It wouldn't "cost" anyone anything. You can still drive for free. You just make the choice of how many people are in the car. But, I don't think something like that would work here. Too many single drivers. I'd fly through the HOV lane, but traffic would come to an absolute stand still in the non-HOV lanes.

Tolls. Right lane free. Middle lane toll. Left lane higher toll. You can still drive free. You can still drive alone. The city makes money. Everyone wins.


Cheers!
mouse

Freedom - Decoupled Mouse

Dear Friends and Family,

Don't panic. This isn't about Mr. mouse. This is about work.

P's school is a subsidized daycare program that is tied to my work. That means if I quit and/or I'm let go, she needs to find new care since she's no longer eligible to attend the school.

This wasn't a big deal in the infant room or even the toddler room. But, somewhere close to when she hit three, she started making friends and the pressure mounted. Leaving was getting tougher. Concurrent to all of this was the fact that I loved my work and saw lots of potential in the company when P was in the infant room and even the toddler room. But, somewhere close to when she hit three, I started becoming less enamored with work and the pressure mounted. Staying was getting tougher.

So would have continued the drama until P "graduated" from the program. I've been intent on finding a four-year-old program for P so that she could transition next fall, thinking that I could stretch out my tenure for another year if I had to. There was always the risk of being laid off, but that's a fact I've had to deal with for a long time now.

Well, in a conversation I had with the school director yesterday, I learned that they'll be opening the center to the community. In other words, I don't have to work at work and P can still go to school at school. I won't believe it until the first kids start streaming in and it feels real, but it wasn't even in the option set of things to possibly believe until yesterday.

I don't think I'll do anything rash. But, for the first time in a LONG time (four years if you count the year I was pregnant) I can make a career decision somewhat independent of P. I never resented the coupling, but the decoupling feels exhilarating. I'm still somewhat coupled since someone needs to drop P off at school and pick P up. But, the freedom feels intoxicating.

For now, not a ton will change. I still need to go get ready for work this morning.


Cheers!
mouse