Korea Trip - Tuesday

Dear Friends and Family,

Tuesday we split up for the day. Mr. mouse and our neighbors headed out to the zoo while my grandfather and I spent the day at the embassy applying for his visa to visit the U. S. We met up to go out to dinner with my cousin who moved to Korea a couple of years ago from the States.

What We Saw/Did

The embassy is located in central Seoul, clear across town from my grandfather's house. I felt bad having to drag my grandfather out after he had such a long day Monday, but didn't have a choice. The person on the phone at the embassy made it clear he needed to be there in person to apply for the visa since it was an expedited visa.

Mr. mouse headed to the local internet cafe to fill out the forms we would need for the visa application before heading out to the zoo. Then, I headed out a second time to write an invitation letter and affidavit of support to submit with the application. My grandfather and I got his photo taken for the passport and got on the train to go to the embassy.

When we got to the embassy, we had to fill out a second form and then I needed to run to the bank to pay for the application. The embassy doesn't handle the money, it requires you to pay at a local bank and get a small stub of paper showing payment. It accepts that paper as certification of payment. Don't ask. It is what it is.

We were told the visa would be ready on Thursday. And, I could come alone to pick it up for my grandfather.

We headed out to lunch and then home for some rest before heading out to dinner.

What We Ate

My grandfather and I went out for breakfast Tuesday morning before heading over to the embassy. Another day, another bowl of seolleongtang. It's a larger breakfast than I'm used to, but it's a good way to start the day. Routine is good when you're 96 years old.


For lunch, my grandfather took me to a place that specializes in samgyetang, a ginseng chicken soup stuffed with glutinous rice served with a shot of ginseng wine. Purported to be excellent for your health, it's still not one of my favorites. But, I enjoyed it because I enjoyed the company.

For dinner, we headed out for my favorite, soon tofu. We grilled some pork kalbi (short ribs) and samgyeopsal (uncured bacon) for an appetizer and then order the tofu as our main dinner. Life is good. My cousin's wife just had a baby a couple of days ago so he headed home shortly after dinner.

We headed out to our neighbors' hotel room to finish off the night with beer, Coke Light, Choco pies, Keebler cookies and other late night snacks.

The Family Drama

When we got home from beer with the neighbors, I called my parents to share with them the good news. Visa should be ready and flights were looking good. We'd be arriving Saturday evening with grandpa.

And, the fun begins. My mom is strangely hesitant and ambivalent. Maybe it's not a good idea. Maybe grandpa shouldn't come. No real reasons, no real anything. Just kinda beating around the bush and frustrating me. We hang up and I'm annoyed, but it's typical of my parents so I brush it off and go to sleep for the night.

What I Learned

Korea is a country steeped in Confucianism. I don't know a lot about the details of Confucianism, but I can see the result of it in how everything seems to run. It feels like a series of parallel and prioritized obligations to a variety of parties including your family, your parents and your country and I'm sure a bunch of others. Again, not an expert here. Today, I learned that I resent it and disagree with it and will not let it bound me any longer. Don't get me wrong. I am still patriotic. I am still a part of a family. But, it's because I want to be not because I am supposed to be. Hence, if I no longer want it, I no longer will be need to be bound by it. This is a big one for me, because it removes a lot of psychological baggage I've carted around my entire life. I feel freer for it.

I spent a good piece of Tuesday morning annoyed. Forms, lines and bureaucracy weren't how I wanted to spend my vacation. And, I really didn't want to drag my grandfather out. I thought he needed rest. And, running to the bank against the clock, my anxiety and annoyance were beginning to rise. But, at lunch, I realized, I got to spend an entire day alone with my grandfather listening to him and talking with him and sharing. And, I'm not going to get a lot more of those days in the future. It made me realize how precious the time is and I was thankful for it. The anger and frustration and annoyance melted away and I was left feeling like I had just experienced something profound and precious.

My mom does it. My sister does it. Maybe I used to do it, I'm not sure. But, now it pisses me off to no end. If you want something, say so. If you want to know something, ask about it directly. Don't beat around the bush and take a circuitous route that gets at the answer indirectly. It wastes time and guarantees a less correct answer than a direct question would yield. Plus, it results in grouchy mouse. Fortunately, with my new found release from the bounds of obligation I can choose to play the game or I can choose to have nothing to do with it.


Cheers!
mouse