Dear Friends and Family,
Two more phone calls yesterday and I realize I'm gonna need a category for this. Mr. mouse is totally disengaged from all of this. He wants nothing to do with it.
I ignored the first call, but for some unknown reason answered the second one. I'm feeling manipulated. She's calling under the guise of keeping me informed. But, why keep me informed? She doesn't want help or advice. She just wants me to be aware. Does that warrant all these calls at 6:30 in the morning?!?!
Anyway, yesterday, the a-words came up in addition to the d-word. A-words? Affair and attorney. Lovely.
Really, I'm feeling torn. Our entire history together has been her getting herself into these crazy situations. And, then, once she's a couple of steps into (not before) the disaster calling me for help. Because I care and because she's my sister, I put my life on hold and pitch in to solve the emergency. Generally, there's no option to wait or triage because it's already crisis mode. I'm not a big fan of all the emotion and all the histrionics and all the time and energy. I'm so much more low key than that. How can two siblings end up so different? Well, Mr. mouse is even more low key than I am. Maybe he's a good influence on me.
So, I'm still debating how involved to get in this one. It's the first time I won't have Mr. mouse's whole-hearted support. And, I don't know if I want to deal with the general tension that'll surface in our home if I chose to become involved in their home. Doesn't she have anyone else besides me? Am I the only one? Or am I the best one? Or am I the most convenient one? Or am I merely old reliable?
I feel like she's old enough to be an adult and make adult decisions and deal with adult situations. But, she's not. Why am I saddled with the responsibility of the whole family?
Light bulb! That's what this is about. Because I'm the only one in my entire family to have their act together, my dad has always put it upon me. You're the one we all depend upon. You've got to help everyone because they need it. Why? What if I don't want to? What if I'm willing to let my sister and my brother follow their own paths and find their own places? I'm willing to take on the financial and emotional burden of supporting my parents. They've earned it. But, why as a sandwich generation should I be saddled with two perfectly capable albeit less than productive adults. Because they were less than perfect parents? Because we're siblings? Why? Am I not trying to accomplish too much already? Do I really need to accomplish it with an inordinate handicap thrown on top of it all?
My question to myself is, what am I not doing because I do this? What could I be doing with my time and energy if these emergencies and crises didn't arise. Would my sense of self and security and stability be higher. And, if so, what would I dare to take on? Now, that's something to think about.
Cheers!
mouse
Two more phone calls yesterday and I realize I'm gonna need a category for this. Mr. mouse is totally disengaged from all of this. He wants nothing to do with it.
I ignored the first call, but for some unknown reason answered the second one. I'm feeling manipulated. She's calling under the guise of keeping me informed. But, why keep me informed? She doesn't want help or advice. She just wants me to be aware. Does that warrant all these calls at 6:30 in the morning?!?!
Anyway, yesterday, the a-words came up in addition to the d-word. A-words? Affair and attorney. Lovely.
Really, I'm feeling torn. Our entire history together has been her getting herself into these crazy situations. And, then, once she's a couple of steps into (not before) the disaster calling me for help. Because I care and because she's my sister, I put my life on hold and pitch in to solve the emergency. Generally, there's no option to wait or triage because it's already crisis mode. I'm not a big fan of all the emotion and all the histrionics and all the time and energy. I'm so much more low key than that. How can two siblings end up so different? Well, Mr. mouse is even more low key than I am. Maybe he's a good influence on me.
So, I'm still debating how involved to get in this one. It's the first time I won't have Mr. mouse's whole-hearted support. And, I don't know if I want to deal with the general tension that'll surface in our home if I chose to become involved in their home. Doesn't she have anyone else besides me? Am I the only one? Or am I the best one? Or am I the most convenient one? Or am I merely old reliable?
I feel like she's old enough to be an adult and make adult decisions and deal with adult situations. But, she's not. Why am I saddled with the responsibility of the whole family?
Light bulb! That's what this is about. Because I'm the only one in my entire family to have their act together, my dad has always put it upon me. You're the one we all depend upon. You've got to help everyone because they need it. Why? What if I don't want to? What if I'm willing to let my sister and my brother follow their own paths and find their own places? I'm willing to take on the financial and emotional burden of supporting my parents. They've earned it. But, why as a sandwich generation should I be saddled with two perfectly capable albeit less than productive adults. Because they were less than perfect parents? Because we're siblings? Why? Am I not trying to accomplish too much already? Do I really need to accomplish it with an inordinate handicap thrown on top of it all?
My question to myself is, what am I not doing because I do this? What could I be doing with my time and energy if these emergencies and crises didn't arise. Would my sense of self and security and stability be higher. And, if so, what would I dare to take on? Now, that's something to think about.
Cheers!
mouse
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