Dear Friends and Family,
I'm not sure where this thread of posts will eventually lead, but that's not a good reason not to start down the path.
A whole bunch of things came crashing together yesterday morning during the first 10 minutes of my bus ride into work. A mini enlightenment. I love those! It means I'm one teeny, tiny, infinitesimal step closer to enlightenment.
I was thinking about all the stuff that's gone down with my sister. And, I pulled out my ipod to manually select a song. Everyone's got a song - the one you turn to in your moment of need. For one of my colleagues from grad school, it was Yellow Submarine by the Beatles. A consistent one for me is Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks. It's not a song I grew up with, but it's one I can relate to moving far from home on my own after college. And, moving farther from home with Mr. mouse after grad school.
I need my space to grow and to be me. Maybe that's why staying local after college didn't make sense. And, maybe that's the problem with my sister. She gets in my space and I feel like it suppresses me. I'm still on my own journey of my own self-discovery and I don't have the time or patience to pause or hold my journey to be therapist to her in her journey. I'm too selfish for that. I used to have a lot of guilt about it all. There's so much baggage associated with growing up Korean. But, at some point in the past, I shed a lot of that baggage because I'm not willing to let it confine me and constrain me. Well, I think I'm shedding more of that baggage now. I've always made exceptions for my sister. Now, I don't feel much guilt at all, lumping her baggage in with other toxic baggage I've left on the road behind. My life is about me.
Collision point #1: VW billboard. I must pass it a million times a day. But, I saw it for the first time yesterday. "Misery has enough company. Dare to be happy." Dare to be happy? Isn't happy a natural frame of mind? Maybe it isn't. It's a very interesting choice of words. Dare to be happy. Do I dare to be happy? Maybe...
Collision point #2: Marianne Williamson speech (aka Nelson Mandela speech). I gave a copy to my Dad for Christmas several years ago. And, it came to mind yesterday, on the bus. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." Isn't that our deepest hope? That we are powerful beyond measure? Is it also what we fear without realizing it?
Collision point #3: The phoenix. I've always loved the story of the phoenix and how it consumes itself in flames and rises from its ashes into something more. It reinforces my own beliefs in reincarnation. Everyone gets to try again. And, sometimes it may be necessary to go through the re-birth cycle to give yourself the room to grow.
The mini enlightenment: Maybe it's about making the space I need, being free to be me, daring to be truly happy, being powerful beyond measure and allowing my own rebirth. Where does it lead? I'm not sure I know yet, but I feel like it's going to be one helluva journey.
Cheers!
mouse
I'm not sure where this thread of posts will eventually lead, but that's not a good reason not to start down the path.
A whole bunch of things came crashing together yesterday morning during the first 10 minutes of my bus ride into work. A mini enlightenment. I love those! It means I'm one teeny, tiny, infinitesimal step closer to enlightenment.
I was thinking about all the stuff that's gone down with my sister. And, I pulled out my ipod to manually select a song. Everyone's got a song - the one you turn to in your moment of need. For one of my colleagues from grad school, it was Yellow Submarine by the Beatles. A consistent one for me is Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks. It's not a song I grew up with, but it's one I can relate to moving far from home on my own after college. And, moving farther from home with Mr. mouse after grad school.
I need my space to grow and to be me. Maybe that's why staying local after college didn't make sense. And, maybe that's the problem with my sister. She gets in my space and I feel like it suppresses me. I'm still on my own journey of my own self-discovery and I don't have the time or patience to pause or hold my journey to be therapist to her in her journey. I'm too selfish for that. I used to have a lot of guilt about it all. There's so much baggage associated with growing up Korean. But, at some point in the past, I shed a lot of that baggage because I'm not willing to let it confine me and constrain me. Well, I think I'm shedding more of that baggage now. I've always made exceptions for my sister. Now, I don't feel much guilt at all, lumping her baggage in with other toxic baggage I've left on the road behind. My life is about me.
Collision point #1: VW billboard. I must pass it a million times a day. But, I saw it for the first time yesterday. "Misery has enough company. Dare to be happy." Dare to be happy? Isn't happy a natural frame of mind? Maybe it isn't. It's a very interesting choice of words. Dare to be happy. Do I dare to be happy? Maybe...
Collision point #2: Marianne Williamson speech (aka Nelson Mandela speech). I gave a copy to my Dad for Christmas several years ago. And, it came to mind yesterday, on the bus. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." Isn't that our deepest hope? That we are powerful beyond measure? Is it also what we fear without realizing it?
Collision point #3: The phoenix. I've always loved the story of the phoenix and how it consumes itself in flames and rises from its ashes into something more. It reinforces my own beliefs in reincarnation. Everyone gets to try again. And, sometimes it may be necessary to go through the re-birth cycle to give yourself the room to grow.
The mini enlightenment: Maybe it's about making the space I need, being free to be me, daring to be truly happy, being powerful beyond measure and allowing my own rebirth. Where does it lead? I'm not sure I know yet, but I feel like it's going to be one helluva journey.
Cheers!
mouse
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1 comment:
Mousie - love love love this post. Be brave. I know you're on the path and that's a good thing. Sometimes it's a little painful but in the end, you've gotten somewhere fantastic and that's worth the work. xoxoxox
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