When Push Comes to Shove

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm peeved. It's about process. It's not rational. But, for me, for now, it's real.

Mr. mouse and I had more discussion last night on approach. He wants to take a laissez fair approach to "all of this," letting his (and implied) my whims and flights on fancy guide our timing. And, me, if I construct a plan, and I know my plan maximizes my chances for success, then, I'm like why not follow my plan?!?! Plus, I distrust his plan, it seems, in my opinion, like all talk no action. Oh ye of little faith.

Well, it seems like whenever we hit these impasse points, he just refuses to budge. He anchors on his position and he thinks he's persuading me with logic and reason and all it really is is me giving up. I try logic and reason and it doesn't work on persuading him. And, he's essentially worn me down over multiple iterations - different topics, same sore point. I feel like it's always his way or the highway. And, I know it's not the case, but sometimes it feels like it. And, when it feels like that, it sucks.

I'm not an analyst on his team. And, sometimes, I feel like he treats me like one. Like my opinion doesn't count for as much. Like I don't have an equal vote in the matter. Like my way isn't equally valid. Like I don't have a voice. Like I have no control over the situation. And, it pisses me off. And, if you couldn't guess, right now, I'm pissed off.

My thoughts are, really, we don't know. There's no scientific evidence that your approach is any better than my approach. For God's sake, why, for once, can't we do it my way?!?! Why does it always have to be your way?!?! What's the harm?!?! Humor me, for once, for crying out loud! And, it's not limited to this one instance. But, this one instance is the instance I want to write about.

Well, what to do going forward? I always try to focus on what's in my control and what's not in my control. Clearly, I can't force him to follow my plan. There's nothing less fun than forced intercourse. And, I can refuse to follow his plan. The same holds true on in reverse. But, to what end? Glory in my Pyrrhic victory? Wonderful. So, really, with his approach, he wins every time. And, every time I lose, I lose a little faith, and a little confidence, and a little piece of myself. I wonder if he realizes the tertiary costs associated doing it his way?

Um, not to point out the obvious, but, unlikely to be "in the mood" given my current mood. And, doesn't that make me the villain, sabotaging his grand old plan? Not that I want to, intentionally, but, um, hello?!?!


Cheers! (or not)
mouse