12:07:15: Monday Morning

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Monday and it's foggy out. There's a bunch of stuff I should probably work on getting done today, but I think I'll start with writing.

Friday ballooned into a long evening. It started with a phone call to schedule a doctor's appointment that grew into a visit to the immediate care unit that ballooned into a visit to the emergency room that almost exploded into getting admitted for observation. Fortunately, the emergency room doctor gave me to choice of going home for the evening if I promised to call my primary care physician first thing Monday morning.

I felt okay. The test results were all normal. And, I didn't want a hospital stay on my record unless it was for something I really couldn't get out of, so we opted to go home for the evening. Now, I'm on hold with my doctor's office because the first available appointment is for 12/17 which isn't what the emergency room doctor had in mind when she sent me home.

Saturday, I went to a funeral. I'm not going to lie. It sucked. It was for a friend who passed away unexpectedly. He was Mr. mouse's age. This is the third time I've had to say good-bye to someone I considered an age peer. It sucks. The first time sucked the most.

Saturday evening, we tried to get into the Christmas spirit. We bought our tree. We put up our lights. We went to bed exhausted.

Sunday, we finished the tree. Mr. mouse took P grocery shopping. We went to see the Nutcracker. We went to bed on time.

Today, I'd like to get through a pile of papers that has been building up. I need to continue to make progress on the living room. There's Christmas cards and our party invite that both need to get sent off. I should shower and get ready for the day.


Cheers!
mouse

Thursday Morning

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Thursday morning. I am sitting in the living room. It's cloudy outside so while I have some natural light, more than any other room in the house, I'm definitely supplementing with artificial light. Still, even without a ton of light, with the progress I've made on getting rid of stuff, it's still currently my favorite room in the house.

I think there's a couple of things going on. I've definitely made progress in restoring order to the room. And, hopefully, I'll continue to make progress. But, I think there's more to a room than what you can see.

Some people will think I'm crazy, but I frankly don't care.

Sometimes I feel like a room needs a spiritual cleaning. I've been in bad rooms. They feel heavy and stagnant and dead. I think by spending time in the living room this past week both during the day when I'm home and in the evenings with Mr. mouse after P's asleep, we've also been slowly cleaning the room spiritually. The forlorn, forgotten, empty feeling is leaving the room and it's gotten a different vibe to it. This morning, P joined me on the couch while Mr. mouse got breakfast ready. I think she feels the difference in the room and I think the room appreciates her coming down to add her joy to it too.

I know. Crazy. I don't care.

This morning I deflated a small inflatable corporate tchotchke and sent it back to work with Mr. mouse. It doesn't need a home in our home. That cleared up enough space for me to move two empty shelves off of the floor and into the shelf, which minus any flashed of brilliance is its proper home in our home. I could throw them out, but for now I'd rather give them a home on the shelf. So, little things to continue to restore order to the living room.

I'm purposefully holding myself to one thing a day. I'll continue to spend time in the living room and hopefully it'll continue to become even better.


Cheers!
mouse

Wednesday Morning

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Wednesday and the snow has stopped and I am sitting in my living room wondering where I should begin.

I'll begin by talking about why I'm sitting in my living room. I noticed this year that I was spending almost my entire day sitting at my kitchen island at my computer. I also noticed that the best room in the house from a lighting perspective is the living room. It has a large window that faces south and because we live on a corner light from the east also streams in through the window. I love natural light from the south and from the east. It's my favorite light. The kitchen, on the other hand has a small window that faces north and four very bright LED lights. The LED lights help, but it's not the same as sunlight.

But, the living room was and to a degree still is just a nightmare. Mr. mouse has been helping clear out the clutter and it's now manageable enough that I don't get depressed sitting in my living room. There's still work to be done and I've made it a point to try and do one thing every day to continue the progress. My first goal is to tackle all of the stuff on the floor. There's still a bunch of stuff on the floor for me to tackle so I'm going to try and not get ahead of myself and think of what to tackle when the floor is clear. I'll just consider it a major accomplishment to get the floor clear.

I could try and catch up on what I've been doing the past month. I could try and explain why I've been a hot mess. But, I won't. I'm going to try and get back in the routine of writing because I think it helps me keep perspective. But, I'm not going to feel overwhelmed by the past and all of the stuff I didn't cover. Instead, I'm going to end now and sit in my living room and think.


Cheers!
mouse

Yawn...

Dear Friends and Family,

It's not a morning for half-caf coffee. P tossed and turned around 2 and I woke up briefly to make sure she was okay. Then, Mr. mouse's alarm went off around 3 and I woke up briefly. Then, my alarm went off around 4:15 and I brewed a fully leaded cup of coffee. I think as long as I get my day started in the next 30 minutes I'll be okay.

The only wrench in the morning is cleaning P's arm. She has a blister on it from some medicine the dermatologist put on it Monday night and we need to clean it this morning. Other than that, it's a standard morning. I think I'll go get started so we're not too rushed.


Cheers!
mouse

10.05.15: Weekend Experiences

Dear Friends and Family,

Mr. mouse and I had a fundamental difference on what we wanted to do Saturday night. I wanted to go out to an earlier dinner with a smaller group of parents. He wanted to go out to a later get together with a larger group of parents. It seemed like he may have been okay going to the earlier dinner, but I inadvertently made it a moot point when I asked one of the parents if she wanted a ride to dinner so we didn't need to look for two parking spots at dinner. It a moot point because I knew, but forgot for a moment, that she wanted to go to both. So rather than let it get all awkward, we went to both. I figured at that point it wasn't worth fighting since I knew Mr. mouse wanted to go and I was the one that had offered the ride.

Well, when all was said and done we spent $116 on the evening's entertainment. I had fun, but I'm not sure I had $116 worth of fun.

I've come to realize Mr. mouse and I have more fundamental differences that matter. We tripped across one on Friday night too. I'm not sure if I've changed or if he's changed or if we've changed. In the past, I think it mattered less to us what we were doing as long as we were doing it together because sometimes when you're hanging with your best friend you're happy just because you're hanging with your best friend. But, now, it seems different. I guess now we're pickier about what we want to do. Perhaps it's because when the event is the primary purpose of going then you get more thoughtful on the event. And, well your companion, in some instances, is the person you showed up with and the one you left with, but isn't necessarily the reason you went.

On a positive note we had crepes Sunday night with P, but I'm still sad we couldn't get to agreement on Saturday. It makes me realize that things are different now.


Cheers!
mouse

Piles of Paper, Continued

Dear Friends and Family,

I spent another hour today compiling P's binder and there's still a pile left to add to the binder that is bigger than the binder itself. I've come to conclude she's got too much stuff and we're going to have to cull some of it. My goal is to have one large binder for kindergarten. That feels like it's more than fair. It'll give her a keepsake which is the real goal of keeping any of it. I keep telling myself the goal is to have something any of us can look through in the future to remember kindergarten and we don't need every sheet of paper to accomplish that goal. I'll spend another hour tomorrow and hopefully feel like I make some more progress. Realistically, it should be 45 sheets per month to fit. That's my new goal.


Cheers!
mouse

Piles of Papers

Dear Friends and Family,

I spent an hour of my morning trying to get P's kindergarten papers under control. And, after an hour, I'll be honest, the pile doesn't look any smaller. I guess tomorrow morning I can try spending another hour and see if it's any better. On the one hand, I love having her creations, but on the other hand, I wish she'd generate less of it. So far, first grade is under control. I'm really trying to stay on top of first grade. Otherwise, it'll just be another pile of papers I need to work through next fall.


Cheers!
mouse

Back Under Control

Dear Friends and Family,

After neglecting essentially everything for the summer, I feel like my life has some semblance of control again. My email inbox is back to five unanswered emails. I paper pile is under an inch tall and I know what is in it. My calendar is up to date. The kitchen island is clear.

How did I let the summer happen to me? I know where a lot of the summer went. A lot of the summer went to planning our vacation. The rest of the summer went to walking. And, a piece went to playing with P and solving her eczema. Was it all worth it? I guess. But, I'm glad to be back in control of my life again.

Time to get ready for my day.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: Mr. mouse and I had a second night of crepes and wine. I've decided I like crepes and wine for dessert.

09.28.15: Strip, Wash, Paint, Apply Second Coat

Dear Friends and Family,

Mr. mouse apologized on Saturday morning and it was enough to get us through the day. We had it out Saturday night and tried to make amends last night. I'm calm enough to go forward with whatever it is we have now. I feel like each time we fight something more dies in the relationship, but like a plant that limps along, I don't have the heart to throw it out until the last leaf has withered and fallen.

We used Saturday to take on a project we had delayed forever. We repainted the stairs in front of our house. This involved stripping off the old paint, cleaning the stairs, and then applying two coats of new paint. It looks amazing, like a giant multi-tiered chocolate cake. I can't wait for it to be fully dried/cured.

And, now it's Monday. I've got a pile of papers I need to get through.


Cheers!
mouse

Butterflies and Sunshine and Wild Flowers

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, I had coffee with an amazing friend who reminded me that there is so much good in the world if we just open our eyes and look around. The weather was great. I caught three buses in a row to make it home in record time after coffee. And, I had a great time last night when we got to visit P's classroom.

See. I did find something positive to write about.

Last night I asked Mr. mouse if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Nope. Really? Nope? Are you sure? Yep. Nothing constructive to say right now.

What am I feeling right now? I feel like I was lied to. I feel like trust was broken. I feel like he's not sorry he was caught in a lie. I feel like he's annoyed that I'm making an issue of this. If only I didn't care about trust and feeling taken advantage of then this wouldn't be an issue and we could move on like nothing happened. Well, I can't move on. I'm sorry. When I get to this point, there is no moving on like nothing happened.

It makes me question lots of things. And, honestly, P is such a big part of it. If it were just the two of us, I feel like I would move on and potentially out. We could split the assets and both continue to find our paths in life. But, with P the picture changes in ways I can't really get my arms around. I can't imagine what it would do to her, emotionally, if her mom and dad split up. I do know it will impact her financially. And, statistics say it isn't just the immediate financial hit, it puts her in a different bucket altogether where the odds just aren't as much in her favor anymore. But, I also hate the idea of her watching what we have and concluding that this is what a successful marriage looks like because it isn't. This isn't it. And if this is what she has in the future, I will be a little sad for her. There is a part of me that wants her to see two happy adults because she can learn a lot from that happiness too.

I guess for now I have one decision with three choices I need to wrap my head around. I can do nothing. I can try to fix the relationship. I can decide the relationship is not worth fixing and essentially end it. I think I will take the Buddhist route and wait until the right answer feels right. I do know one thing, I will not try to fix anything until Mr. mouse makes an active effort to acknowledge what happened and to address it. But, I know he won't unless I prompt him to. And, honestly, after last night I have no desire to prompt him to. So, in reality, fixing the relationship is not a real option. That leaves do nothing and walking away. Lots to think about.


Cheers!
mouse

Round the Block Again

Dear Friends and Family,

Sometimes you go around the block and notice new things and wonder how it is you never noticed them before. And, sometimes you go around the block and wonder why you even bothered. And, sometimes you go around the block even if you don't want to because you're along for the ride.

Mr. mouse and I are going around the same old tired block again. I am so tired of it. I am so very tired. I am too tired to be angry. I am too tired to care. I am too tired to want to try and fix it. I am too tired. Or perhaps I am too smart. I am too smart to be angry. I am too smart to care. I am too smart to want to try and fix it. I am too smart. Because this isn't the first time we've been around this block. And, I've concluded this won't be the last time. We'll be around this block again.

I can't pinpoint the event, but sometime in the last six years Mr. mouse seems to have lost all respect for me. I am no longer logical. I am not a good decision maker. I am not a good listener. I am not a good speaker. He doesn't care if he hurts my feelings. He doesn't care if I get angry. He's always exasperated with me.

I'm done trying to force a grown adult to respect and love me. I'm done trying to show I am worthy of love and respect. I shouldn't need to convince someone I am worthy of love and respect. I feel done. Because sometime in the last six years I've lost reciprocating the love and respect that was the bedrock of our relationship. I'm not sure if it is because I am too tired or it is because I am too smart. Or perhaps it is because I love and respect myself too much to want to continue.

And, I'm not sure where that leaves us. What is a relationship without mutual love and respect? I spent a lot of time thinking about this yesterday morning and came up with no good answers. I know we've hit low points in our relationship before that didn't seem salvageable and through miracles I still don't understand we found love again. But, honestly, this feels different. I don't care. I don't think he cares.

Something to think about.

Sorry to unload all of this. Tomorrow I'll write about butterflies and sunshine and wild flowers.


Cheers!
mouse

09.21.15: Apple Picking

Dear Friends and Family,

It's September and we went apple picking. It was a beautiful day out. The apples were bountiful. We played afterwards in the play area and a corn maze and a corn pit. And, we ended the day watching pig races and winning a cookie eating contest. It couldn't have been hokier.

Then, Sunday was a jumble of errands and a birthday party. And, now it's Monday and I have drop-off duty this morning because Mr. mouse is stuck with work this morning. I've got the radio playing. I'll give P five more minutes before I get her ready.

Happy Monday.


Cheers!
mouse

Disorganized and Feeling Overwhelmed

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm pretty sure I missed my tax payment yesterday. And, we would have missed P's dress code today if Mr. mouse's calendar wasn't up to date. I'm quite positive my email is out of control. And, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I need to take some time today and get organized. I hate this feeling of missing things.

On a positive note, I tracked all of my food yesterday. And, I had my vitamin with my measured coffee this morning.


Cheers!
mouse

New Day

Dear Friends and Family,

They say that sometimes a keystone habit is what you need to get started. And, today, I did a tiny thing towards getting back on Weight Watchers. I measured my coffee and tracked it. I took my multi-vitamin and tracked it. We'll see if I can now get through the whole day tracking my food.

I also made it a point to try and get through all of my to dos yesterday. If I can get through my to dos today I may feel like I'm getting somewhere.


Cheers!
mouse

09.08.15: Last Day of Summer Vacation

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Tuesday. P starts school tomorrow. So, it's our last day of summer vacation before she starts first grade. We don't have anything specific planned, but I'm sure I'll enjoy the day.

And, tomorrow kicks off a new day. P will be back in school. Mr. mouse will be back at work. And, I will be wrapping my head around my new day. There's so much I put on hold over the summer I'm a little bit at a loss on where to begin. I should probably take the time to create a new Top 3.

There is one thing I am able to wrap my head around that I am super excited about. Mr. mouse switched jobs (same company, new department) and as a result got a pay increase. After being on a budget for a year, I felt like we had a good handle on things. In fact, outside of August (we had to replace our hot water heater) we had been consistently under spending our monthly budget. So, I decided to create a new line item in our budget - experience fund: doing something new or different or a fan favorite. In other words, the money can't be used to buy stuff. It's meant to do stuff, like go to see a play or try a new restaurant or travel or try something, but not to buy anything for us or the house or for other people. I think I'm fine using it to entertain because there is something new gained by spending time with friends. I'm super excited to see what we end up spending the money on. I think it'll be a great way to expand our horizons.

Oh, in case you're wondering, where did the last two weeks go? We went to Disney World and did the Magic Kingdom for two days. The original idea was to have P nap in the car, but that didn't work because frankly the car is just too far away to be a practical napping point. Instead, she spent a lot of time in her stroller and ate a lot of sugar and got to stay up until midnight each night. Then, we spent two low key days at Legoland Florida. We rode the rides, played with the legos, bought souvenirs, and watched the shows. It was a vacation my sister had been trying to plan for awhile so I'm glad we finally got to go. We all enjoyed it and P still talks about different things she noticed while on the rides or seeing the shows.

Then, we came home, unpacked, repacked, and headed out to Spain. Mr. mouse had a trip to Madrid and P and I decided to tag along since all we needed to pay for was our food and entertainment. We took P to see Guernica since she's a big Picasso fan. And, we played a little in the playground. But, the primary purpose of the trip was to buy P's clothes. We spent a lot of time shopping. P got her fall wardrobe and we didn't have to spend a small fortune. For example, at home, a pair of pants that fit her proportions costs $42. Yep, $42 for kid's pants. In Spain, we were able to buy pants for half that price. Dresses? half off. Sweaters? half off. Tops? half off. Shoes? no dice, more expensive and lower quality. So, we bought almost all of her fall and winter clothes while we were in Spain.

So, that's been our life the past two weeks. Time to get ready for the day.


Cheers!
mouse

August Catch Up

Dear Friends and Family,

It's almost my birthday which means it's almost September which means it's almost the start of school. And, before I know it, it'll be time to think of Halloween costumes, go shopping for turkey, figure out Christmas plans, and ring in the New Year. Yep. That's how I know another year has flown by because it's almost my birthday.

Where did this summer go? Well, it started with a bruiser of a weekend that included reunion for Mr. mouse and a recital for P and some high stress in coordinating the weekend. Then, there was a flurry of camps which involved new friends and new routines every week it seemed. Next year I think we'll aim for more continuity. And, before you knew it summer camp was over. My mom flew out last week and spent some time with P. And, we've got plans with my sister next week. Mr. mouse has a trip. We may or may not follow.

We got an iPad for P although it's officially for the family because the Kindle was on its last legs and she learned so much in technology camp we didn't want it to stop because we weren't willing to invest in an iPad. We traveled and got to see Niagara Falls, Cave of the Mounds, and all things Lincoln since we skipped on dance classes this summer.

We tried to figure out P's eczema and made some progress. I think the initial breaks in the skin come from abrasion, either playing in the park or on the beach. Then, if we get chlorine in it it gets worse. So we didn't spend a lot of time at the parks or the pool this summer. Instead we played Guess Who Star Wars Edition at the library, did jigsaw puzzles and read at Barnes and Noble.

P figured out the monkey bars. P got three wiggly teeth.

I put my work on hold. I got a Fitbit. I walked a ton and then lost a little motivation. I restarted Weight Watchers, lost 15 pounds and stopped tracking. I've maintained my weight loss but haven't lost any more since I stopped tracking. I planned our trip to Disney. I planned a road trip I plan on taking next spring with a girlfriend.

Mr. mouse got a new job at the same company. He had to deal with a hot water heater replacement.

Oh, and we've been growing peppers on the roof. That's our summer.


Cheers!
mouse

Work Week Hustles and My Fitbit

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, the last day of yet another work week hustle. I have a love-hate relationship with my fitbit. On the one hand, I'm getting more exercise than I would have without it. This is indisputable. On the other hand, I'm getting a lot less of everything else done. This too is indisputable.

I'm sure the exercise is good for me although I'm not convinced it's making a difference in my weight loss. But, I'm also sure that falling behind on everything else is bad for me. I need to find a better balance.

Today is the last day of this week's work week hustle. Perhaps I should sit next week's out. Or make it a promise to myself to go in the morning before camp drop off. Or something. I need to get a grip. But, for today, I'll go on a nice long walk after I drop P off at camp.


Cheers!
mouse

You've Lost that Hungry Feeling

Dear Friends and Family,

Last night, I was famished before dinner. I was truly hungry because of some choices I made earlier in the day. I was stressed in the morning so I grabbed a slice of pizza from the fridge. Then, after working frantically for an hour I got enough done that I joined my neighbors for brunch. But, since I had already had the pizza I didn't want to order food. But, since I felt I deserved a "reward" for getting my work done, I ordered a soy mocha. Well, that meant that by 11am, I was done with my breakfast and lunch points which theoretically is fine except a pizza and a soy mocha are not going to set you up for success.

Starved, I ate my strawberries and peaches for lunch instead of for breakfast. And, when P fell asleep, I decided to try and get a walk in. Since traffic was bad and I was smelly, I showered again before dinner and before you knew it it was 7:30 pm and we were just sitting down to dinner. I was H-U-N-G-R-Y. I ate the rest of my day's points and all of my activity points too.

But, in the process, I remembered something. I remembered what it feels like to be truly hungry. There's full. There's not full. There's hungry. And, there's truly hungry. I think my stomach is like a poorly trained dog that whines all of the time asking for a treat from the treat box. Really, I should only be eating when I'm truly hungry. And, when I eat I should be making smart choices.

I know now that before I started Weight Watchers (for the second time) I was eating whenever I was not full. And, I was making poor choices.

I feel like I relearned something yesterday that I had somehow forgotten.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/28/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 3.2 pounds
total weight loss: 13.8 pounds

Wow! I won't lie. It feels good to be able to type those numbers. I'm essentially a pound away from 15 pounds. 15 pounds! I'm not sure how long it'll take me to lose that pound, but I'm motivated.

There's definitely changes going on. I'm not as drawn to sweets as I was before. Yesterday, we got doughnuts for breakfast. I wasn't tempted. I had fruit instead. Last night, we went out for ice cream. I could have easily ordered a single scoop. The ice cream is delicious. But, I didn't order any. My eyes were probably devouring everyone else's ice cream. But, I didn't eat any. It's not as tempting as it was before. Or rather it is tempting, but I am remembering how to resist the temptation.

I'm motivated in a different way. There's thing I want (like ice cream) and things I want more (like losing another pound) and this past week I remembered I do want things more than the immediate gratification of ice cream and doughnuts. I'd rather be my goal weight and have more energy and be a healthy role model for P and feel good in my clothes than have a doughnut.

Wish me luck with next week's weigh in.


Cheers!
mouse

Onions

Dear Friends and Family,

Who knows us? That's a question that I've been thinking about lately.

I think about me and who knows me. And, I wonder if I really know the people I think I know. I know Mr. mouse is a lot more trusting than I am that he believes a lot more in people than I do. His trust is more transitive than mine. If there's someone he trusts, and they trust someone else, he tends to trust the third person as well. But, if there's someone I trust, and they trust someone else, well, to me, that third person is still a stranger and only a couple notches above the average person I might see walking down the street.

And, I wonder who knows me. I think on the surface I am a happy person with likable traits, I think. But, underneath that there's a layer that can get sad and troubled with baggage from the past and ghosts and paranoias and demons aplenty. I don't like to admit to that side of me, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit it existed. I feel like the less I acknowledge it the less voice it has. I wonder if other people have similar fears or if this is something most people live their whole lives without encountering. I wonder if it can be inherited or learned. I wonder if it's something I need to watch for in P.

If you go deeper, you find something else, more. In some members of my family, it is hard and brittle and, perhaps, broken. In others, it's more tempered, more resilient, but still strong. This thing, I'm not sure where it comes from, but when backed into a corner, it refuses to yield, it fights without compromise. Only, for me, it exacts a price. After long periods of high stress, my thyroid yields, it forgets how to work and I need medication to get it back under control. I know that repeated rounds of medication will eventually kill my thyroid, so I know I need to figure this out, but in reality I don't think I have. I want to teach P to be strong, but I don't think it's healthy to have this. I hope it's not inherited, but sadly I think it can be. I already see shades of it in P.

Yet, deep inside, there's a place that still trusts and still believes and still loves and is willing to be vulnerable. I know that is the person Mr. mouse fell in love with. But, I feel like that is a place with a strong door with a big lock and I'm not sure where I've put the key. I don't think I can find the key. I think I need to wait for the key to find me. Perhaps one day Mr. mouse will find that person again. I kind of hope he does because I kind of like her. I have faith that I will one day because when I see P I see her. P still trusts and believes and loves. She hasn't picked up the fears and darkness and anger that people my head.

I hope that her world can continue, at least a little longer, to be that happy place.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/21/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight gain: 1.0 pounds
total weight loss: 10.6 pounds

It's Wednesday, so I have the benefit of an extra day's weigh-in when writing this post. So, while the official numbers above show a gain from the prior week, if I include today's weigh in, I would be able to report a 0.8 pound weight loss for the week which confirms something I had been thinking about for the past week. I've been eating out too much. And, without realizing it, I was eating a lot more salt than I should be. You can't lose 1.8 pounds of fat in a single day, but you can lose 1.8 pounds of water. Well, I'm going to try and take advantage of the momentum from today and see if I can report a better number next week.

I feel like momentum plays a part. It's easier to have a good day when you've had a string of good days. It's harder when you've had a string of mediocre days. So, I'm going to try and take advantage of today's good weigh in and see if I can have another tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

7/20/15: Looking for Lincoln

Dear Friends and Family,

We were originally supposed to go to Montreal for the weekend to see our friends. But, when they called to tell us that their daughter had a fever of 104, we decided to cancel the weekend. P was crushed because she was really looking forward to seeing her friend. So crushed we bought her a Lgeo set and took her out to dinner to try and make up for the lost fun. So crushed that she didn't want to go to either birthday party we originally declined for the weekend. So crushed she almost cried. So crushed we looked up other weekend trip options and found one in Springfield, The Land of Lincoln.

P's been reading a lot about Lincoln and the Civil War because we pretty much let her read what she wants even if we have to deal with the consequences. So, we've already had long talks about slavery, war, tuberculosis, typhoid, assassination, civil rights, and everything else that comes with learning about these topics. So, we thought a trip to Springfield would be a great way to see more Lincoln related things.

Our first stop was Lincoln's home. This wasn't the log cabin where he was born. It's the house he bought with Mary after they got married. We watched a movie learning a lot about Lincoln's pre-presidency life both as a lawyer, a politician, a father, and a husband. We walked through the house and saw his parlor and his bedroom and learned a little about life in the late 1800s. We really enjoyed it.

Our second stop was Lincoln's presidential library and museum. The library isn't open on weekends, but the museum is. We saw two more movies there - one about Lincoln's presidential years and the Civil War and the other about the library and why presidential libraries exist. We also got to walk through two dioramas - one of the log cabin and one of the White House. The first movie was a little scary for P. But, she enjoyed seeing all of the dresses at the White House Blue Room recreation. This was also a good place to buy souvenirs.

Our last stop was Lincoln's tomb. We were all a little hot and a little tired by then so it's a good thing that the tomb is a pretty low key stop. We saw several miniatures of statues of Lincoln including one P knows from Lincoln Park. And, we saw his final resting place.

After that, it was a quick trip home. Sunday, we all slept in. I got a text from a mom who I am Facebook friends with. She noticed that our trip had been cancelled and wanted to know if P still wanted to come to her daughter's birthday party. We jumped on the chance. P had a lot of fun. We had an afternoon play date as well. P enjoyed the weekend after all and soon it was time for bed.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/14/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 11.6 pounds

Yeah! I can put the Fourth of July weight gain behind me. I can also put the initial disruption caused by starting up an exercise routine behind me. I can also put the aches and pains behind me. And, I can put the carbo loading behind me. Hooray!

I should explain a bit more what went on this past week.

I started wearing a fitbit pedometer. It tracks my steps. It also synchs to Weight Watchers and Weight Watchers then increases my available points for the day. So far so good. There's the initial weight gain associated with starting up any new activity - you gain a little muscle, you hold a little more water weight, and your mind begins to play little tricks on you.

That's where the carbo loading comes in.

I was mentally fueling up for my morning walks by adding toast or a bagel to breakfast. But, for the amount of walking I'm doing I don't need to add toast or a bagel to breakfast. My fruit should be plenty and it is. I just needed to get over the fear of not having enough energy. And, now that I'm over that fear all is good again.

Now that I'm back to where I was two weeks ago, I can focus again on the future. I guess at this point if I'm going to continue on my routine, I should keep on tracking my steps and I should keep on tracking my food. And, hopefully I'll have more good news next week.


Cheers!
mouse

One Year of Being on a Budget

Dear Friends and Family,

It's been a year since I put our family on a budget. And, I'm glad I did.

There are many memories of last July that seem sad, but they were necessary. I remember partially filling the tank in the car. I remember finding ways to have a fun day with P without spending any money. I remember Mr. mouse eating lots of rice and beans. And, I remember thinking, optimistically, that if we did it for a few short months life would change.

And, it did, but we never went back to the carefree days of never tracking. We have a file I named temporary budget and we still log our daily expenses into it. We have about $200 more a month than when we started this whole exercise last year. And, while $200 might not seem like a lot to a lot of people, it makes a big difference. It means we can splurge a couple of times each month. It means we can fill the gas tank on a regular basis. It means we have steak and sushi sometimes instead of chicken and beans.

The other big thing we did was refill our coffers. We have money set aside for emergencies and for trips and for clothes for P and gifts for Christmas. That's a big difference from last year. So, I suppose we've made progress.

One area I know we should look at is insurance. We have State Farm. And, I feel like we're paying more than we need to for insurance. I asked Mr. mouse to look at some quotes I got last year that would cut our insurance payments in half. It's been a year. When he gripes about our budget, I feel like reminding him that we could find more money in our budget by changing insurance providers. But, I try to refrain from being that person.

The other insurance area I'm debating is my term life insurance. I had term life insurance at old work. And, when I left the insurance provider offered me the option of keeping it at the same rate. I've kept it because I think the money would be useful to Mr. mouse and P if something were to happen to me. But, to be honest, I'm not sure they will need the money. I think we've saved up enough. But, I'm not 100% sure. So, I keep paying the premiums on the term life insurance. But, I'm not sure it's worth it. Perhaps I should put aside the money for it every week instead of letting the lump sum surprise me every three months.

I guess Mr. mouse isn't the only one procrastinating on insurance.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 7/7/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight gain: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 9.4 pounds

And, just like that my body reminded me that this isn't going to be a walk in the park. We had a staycation this weekend with friends. I got a fitbit and finally put it on. Hopefully I can use this week to settle into a new routine that brings better news next week.


Cheers!
mouse

Shifting Gears

Dear Friends and Family,

For a couple of months now I've been whittling away at getting the living room under control. And, yesterday I decided to switch gears and move on to our bedroom.

Our bedroom is a rat's nest of stuff that we moved up there "temporarily" in January for our party. Well, it's July and it's still all there and it's beginning to drive me batty. Only me. Apparently it doesn't bother anyone else in the house.

Yesterday, I spent about 10 minutes putting away P's winter clothes from 2013-2014. The bench at the foot of our bed is now clear.

I AM SO HAPPY.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 6/30/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 11.6 pounds

Yes! Finally! I got through the plateau. Wow! It feels awesome! I'm more than 10 pounds into my journey and I feel like I'm making progress in a different way.

I love the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. In it, he talks about how people change lifelong habits. And, I feel like I went through that once with Weight Watchers. I lost a little over 70 pounds and felt like a million dollars. I thought the changes were permanent. And, they were, mostly. I had regained about 5 pounds before I had P, but in the grand scheme of things that was okay. I was well within the range for a healthy BMI and I looked forward to doctor's appointments to see how all of my statistics were doing.

Then, I had P. I gained weight during my pregnancy. I gained about 28 pounds which was perfect for P and me. I lost most of it after P was born and was within 10 pounds of my original weight (5 pounds of what I weighed when I got pregnant) when life got hectic. Worked changed. My body's needs changed when P was done breastfeeding. Our eating routine changed when P started eating. And before I knew it things felt different.

But something else changed while all of this was going on. Weight Watchers changed their scoring system. And, I tried a couple of times to get back on the band wagon, but it didn't seem to work for me any more. I wasn't sure if it was because I was older or because something had changed in pregnancy or because it was the second time using Weight Watchers or because the new system didn't work. Regardless of the reason, I didn't have faith in it. I didn't believe it could work for me the way it had worked for me in the past.

Things got worse at work and I continued putting on a pound here and a pound there.

Well, according to Charles Duhigg belief, or faith, is a critical component of changing habits. I knew that. But, trying to force yourself to believe is just not possible. Either you believe it will work or you don't. During my first journey, I started off with belief in hand. Two friends each lost close to 30 pounds and told me it was due to Weight Watchers. Voila! Instant belief!

This time, after a couple of attempts that fell way short of the mark, I needed to find my own faith, my own belief, that this will work. And, that's what breaking through a plateau does. And, it's what losing over 10 pounds does. You begin to believe again that this will work. And, even if my belief isn't rock solid. I don't have any competing options at the moment that I believe will work better. So, it's the best option I have.

Still, it feels good. Because once you believe, then it's just a matter of time until you hit your goal. And, I'm finally on my way to believing. Things are beginning to feel different now.


Cheers!
mouse

06.29.15: Joyous Free Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

What started out as a very ambiguous weekend ended up being a lot of fun. We originally had a trip planned that got cancelled because of weather. When you read a weather forecast that includes the words 100% chance of precipitation, drenching rains, thunderstorms, 1-2 inches of rain expected, 20 mph wind with 40 mph gusts, flood warnings, you begin to reconsider whether an outdoor trip will be a lot of fun. And, we decided it wouldn't be a lot of fun. So, instead we opted for a free weekend at home.

Saturday, we found a carnival in town. We bought P a $25 wristband and she went to town riding the rides. Her faux sister joined us so she had company on a lot of the rides. It was a fun day capped by a play date and lovely time on the roof.

Sunday, we restocked on groceries. P and I drew a giant ice cave turned coral reef cave in the courtyard before coming inside to play. Our friends brought their little boy over and Mr. mouse cooked up a feast for all. They are such gracious guests. We're fortunate, we love having people over. And, the people we have over are great people to have over. But, they could write a book on it. It was a great way to finish up the weekend.

And, now, it's Monday. Fortunately, P's camp this week is closer to home. I hope to get some work done in between drop-off and pick-up. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality. Hooray! Now, I'm waiting on our month end retirement review tomorrow, the results from P's audition by Wednesday, and the weather for Fourth of July weekend by Friday.


Cheers!
mouse

Waiting

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday, June 26th, and I feel like I'm waiting. I'm glad the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Affordable Care Act. Now, I'm waiting to hear how they rule on marriage equality. It would be amazing if they rule in favor of marriage equality.

Then, on a more personal note, I'm waiting to see how the month end retirement review will go. I know it's just a point in time, but I like to keep track of how our money is growing (or not growing) so I know if we're in good shape (or bad shape) come retirement.

Then, there's P's dance audition. The studio told us that we would know by July 1 where our kids were placed. So, I'm waiting.

Then, I'm waiting on the weather. There's a carnival in town that we love to take P to. The weather's been abysmal this summer. So, I'm waiting to see how the weather develops for Fourth of July weekend.

Yep. That's a lot of waiting for the next couple of days.


Cheers!
mouse

Manners, People

Dear People in the Suburbs,

I signed my kid up for camp for a week in your suburbs. And, frankly, you should be embarrassed. Your manners are appalling.

Parking. I get parking can be hard to find. But, when the lot is half empty, it's not cool to double park. Take a designated parking spot. And, if you double park, double park along the perimeter of the lot. Don't block the entrance to the lot by double parking in the entrance.

Moms with strollers or really anyone with strollers. I get that people with strollers can be slower than people without strollers. That does not make it okay to push past them willy-nilly when they've been waiting in line to pick up their kid. We're all here for pick-up. They let us in at 11:50 and give us 15 minutes to pick up our children. She's been waiting in line just like the rest of us. There's no real reward for shoving past her to get to your kid. Your kid is safe in the classroom. I waited in line like a civilized person and got my kid by 11:53. Really.

Walking in a crowd. First of all, if you're walking in a crowd, teach your kid to walk next to you or hold their hand. It's not okay to shove another person aside to get to your kid because you let your kid run wild. Second of all, there are kids walking in the crowd, it's not okay to shove someone else's kid to get out the door 5 seconds faster. The building's not on fire. And even if it was, shoving a six year old kid aside to get out first says a lot about who you are.

Stopping and talking. I know. It's exciting to see your friends and it's nice to be able to stop and talk for a couple of minutes before you disband. I do it too. But, I don't do it at the doorway to the school. No one can get out if the six of you are blocking the doorway. Please remember there are people pushing and shoving to get out as if the building is on fire. You're in their way and my way too.

Stop signs. Okay. Here's what I learned when I took my driving test. You stop at a stop sign, check for oncoming traffic, go when the traffic is clear and it's safe to proceed. When it's a four way stop, everyone stops and takes turns. When it's a two way stop, the people with the stop sign wait until the other street is clear and then proceed. Honking at me does not make the other cars in oncoming traffic disappear or stop. Honking more at me does not do the trick. It merely irritates me to no end. I've seen how you all drive. You treat the stop sign by the school as a merge sign. You expect traffic to stop for you. Guess what? That works until one car isn't playing by those rules. And, when that happens you're in the wrong since you clearly had a stop sign and they didn't. Don't be an ass and sit there and honk. There's a nice break in the traffic every 90 seconds when the light turns red. Sometimes there's a break before that, but sometimes you have to wait it out.

Now, fortunately, I've been in other suburbs and know that most of them are completely civilized places where the people have manners and teach their kids to have manners. But, frankly, I've seen better manners on the bus and train than I have this past week in your town.


Yours truly,
mouse

The Sounds of Laughter

Dear Friends and Family,

I have a friend whose life has been tough recently. And, because of her nature she's tried to shoulder it alone. I'd given her space and time, but I was eager to see her again. And, last night, I got to see her and it was so good. There were adults chatting in her dining room and kids playing in the living room and the sounds of laughter echoed off of the walls. She told me it was good to hear the house full again with the sounds of people and I believe it.

I remember another friend who also went through some very trying times. Instead of going it alone, she threw open her doors and we flooded into her house. There were, literally, 30-40 people in her house at any given point in time. There were rules, of course, like we were all expected to pitch in, and the second floor was off limits for when G needed some alone time. But, the house was never empty. We signed up for shifts. We spent a lot of the time just talking to each other. But, we were there for anything that needed to be done.

And, I think there's something healthy about that human connection. If I were to ever go through a trying time, I think I'd look to my friends, old and new, to help sustain me. I think I'm strong enough to go the road alone. But, I'm glad I have friends so I don't have to.

I'm also glad my friend has gotten over the hump. I look forward to seeing her again in the near future.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 6/23/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 0.4 pounds
total weight loss: 9.4 pounds

0.4 pounds. I'm not going to complain because I have not been on the ball. We went out to dinner on Thursday night with friends and I effectively missed counting for the rest of the weekend and yesterday. I guess all I can do this week is get back on the ball and begin counting again. I'm grateful I didn't have a gain this week.


Cheers!
mouse

06.22.15: Quiet Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

It was a quiet weekend at home for us. Saturday, we went to the library to pick up some books. Then, P had a make up swim class. And, we spent the rest of the time at home playing. P had a chance to practice her tennis in the courtyard. She read 30 minutes for her library challenge. We ate dinner and it was bath time. Sunday, I went to church while P and Mr. mouse went shopping for groceries. We went to watch the baseball game. And, by the time we got home it was time for dinner and bed.

It was a great weekend. And, the homily at church gave me lots to think about. The father brought in the Pope's recently released paper on climate change and it really got me thinking. If we think of people along two separate axes (not a grid, but two spectra), one socio-economic and one time-based, then we can plot everyone along both of those lines. And, if you're a Christian Buddhist like me, you believe everyone on those lines are connected in a community.

Now switch gears to food supply, and clean water, and safe shelter and other things we want for ourselves and those we love and care for. For better or for worse, unless something changes, our immediate family does not want for food or clean water or clothes or a roof. We are fortunate to live lives that provide us with plenty. But, that's not true for everyone. Someone lives on the border where food is inadequate, where clean water is not a given, where clothes and a roof are not assumed. And, the question I need to answer is do my actions (e.g. how I consume the Earth's resources) impact their access to food and water and home? When I consume beef, the grain and water it took to raise my beef could have fed another person. Beef is one of the worst offenders, but there's plenty out there. Or when I contribute to global warming, does that change the climate in a way that makes someone else's home drought-ridden or flood-prone? I'm not sure. I think it does.

But, it's easy to think selfishly about ourselves and forget about "those" people who don't interact with us daily. That's where the time spectrum comes in. If these changes are real, and I do believe they are, then it will worsen with time. How much time has to pass before it impacts someone I know. Will it be in my lifetime? Will it be in P's lifetime? In her children's lifetime? I don't think you have to go very far into the future before it impacts the people you do know. People are living longer and having children later. For example, if P has one child when she's 35 years old and that old child lives to be 80, we're talking 2124 when we talk about that person's lifetime. Do I owe this possible future person, my potential grandchild, a world that can sustain it? And, even if P doesn't have kids, will one of her friends? Or one of my "nephews and nieces?" Yes, someone will. And, yes, I think I do.

Which brought me to my last thought before we headed to the baseball game. Is Starbucks sinful? I was waiting for Mr. mouse and P to pick me up from church. And, there was a white woman walking down the street with a Starbucks cup in her hand. And, there was a black man begging for food and money and moment of human connection. Is it right for me to spend $4 on coffee when another member of my community wants? Is Starbucks sinful?

I'm not sure.


Cheers!
mouse

Completely Free Day

Dear Friends and Family,

P's in camp today and my to do list is blank. The house is a bit of a mess, my inbox can definitely use some love, and I need to do a little research on a vacation we're planning. But, overall, it's a free day for me. I could have blown it on the parade downtown, but I think I'll savor it instead by spending the day at home just relaxing.

I looked back on my list from this week last year and it's a hot mess. 24 tasks long, it gives me a headache to even look at it much less try to summarize it here for you. Two years ago? 2013? 18 tasks long. 2012? 16 tasks.

So, I think I'll brew a nice cup of tea and enjoy the day.


Cheers!
mouse

Almost Two Years in the Making

Dear Friends and Family,

Around this time 2013 I was beginning to surreptitiously begin my exit from old work. I had a list of people I wanted to say good-bye to. I had a list of things I wanted to finish. I had a list of things I needed to take home. My computer was scrubbed. And, I was beginning to count down the days to notifying daycare that we would be leaving. Our last day would be August 23, 2013. I was going to leave on a high note.

Instead I let money sway me. Against my better judgement I decided to stay part-time at old work for a ridiculous amount of money. There were a couple of things I learned while working part-time. While my hours went down by 65% and my pay went down by 30%, my work only went down by 10%. So, right off the bat I wasn't getting the better half of the deal. And, while I did have more flexibility to take off days P had off, and to be home for pick up, I still missed out on all of the field trips because they were on Thursdays when I was in the office. More proof that I wasn't getting the better half of the deal. Still, the money was good so I stayed. Until my position was eliminated and I left - this time on a much lower note. As far as everyone at old work was concerned I decided to leave, but inside I knew it was brought on by my position getting eliminated.

That was April 2014. Now, over a year after that cycle of events, I finally feel ready to put it all behind me. I had a dream where I was finally able to let go and put old work behind me. And, while I realize now that I should have left in 2013, I am also glad I did leave in 2014 and am not at old work now in 2015. P is a big kid now. Her little kid years are definitively behind her. I'm glad I got to spend the last year and two months enjoying the last of the little kid years.

Like P's birth, it took me some time to get over things I wished could have happened differently. I wish 2013 and 2014 could have happened differently. But, sitting here in 2015, I'm finally able to say it doesn't matter. I'm glad of where I got to and it doesn't matter how I got here. What's important is I am here.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 6/16/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 0.2 pounds
total weight loss: 9.0 pounds

Well, it's official. I think I've hit a plateau. I'm not sure what it is about P being off from school/camp that triggers this. Or maybe it's just coincidental. I think I'm not as diligent about it all when I've got P at home all day. Well, she started camp this week so hopefully I'll have better news to report next week.


Cheers!
mouse

Last Day before Camp

Dear Friends and Family,

And just like that two weeks have passed and P starts camp on Monday. I'll be honest I think we're both looking forward to it. Unlike last summer we did not get to many parks or museums or play dates. We spent a lot of time inside either playing or doing some form of enrichment. The hot, humid weather with a constant threat of torrential deluges just wasn't a great motivation to go out and explore. Well, P's got a week of full-day camp which I will use to catch up. Then, she's got five weeks of half-day camp. Hopefully we'll be able to use that time more constructively than we used the last two weeks.

I think camp will also help because it will force us to get P up in the morning which will also then give her a reason to go to sleep earlier at night.

Today? It's another blah day weather-wise. We have an appointment at one o'clock to baseline P's reading and math to see where she's at.


Cheers!
mouse

Hot and Humid Start to Summer

Dear Friends and Family,

It's been 90+ degrees and humid the past couple of days with daily threats of deluge thundershowers. It's not the best weather for planning and P and I have been reluctant to melt outdoors in the middle of the day. We've been making the best of our time indoors. But, I'd love a sunny, clear day with highs somewhere in the 80's. Just one day would be great. Unfortunately, when we look ahead to the weather, it shows more of the same for the next 7-10 days. Ugh. If I had known it would be this brutal, I might have been tempted to sign P up for camp.

Still, I should remind myself that I'm fortunate to be able to have this time with P. She's a good kid and I love her to pieces.


Cheers!
mouse

Precious Time Before P Wakes Up

Dear Friends and Family,

I've gotten through my usual morning odds and ends and have some time before P wakes up. How much time? I don't know.

I can either finish reading through a magazine of summer activities, go through my email or try and spend a little more time on the living room. I think I'll do that.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 6/9/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 0.2 pounds
total weight loss: 8.8 pounds

I didn't think I'd have a ton of good news to report this week, so I'm happy with 0.2 pounds. This week I will have to be more diligent. Hopefully I'll have better news next week. I just need to keep motivated this week and not inch backwards.


Cheers!
mouse

Riding in Cars

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, we had such nice plans. We were going to start with a quick 30 minute errand followed by lunch at one of P's favorite restaurants. Then, we were going to go to the park and play before swim.

Instead, we got stuck in horrendous traffic and barely got to the restaurant before it closed. Instead of a nice leisurely lunch we hurried through our food. Sigh. Then, we got stuck in horrendous traffic again and barely got to swim on time. Instead of fun times on the monkey bars we hurried through the changing room. Double sigh.

When we got out from swim, P asked if we could go to the park. Since we had sat in the car all day, I agreed. The rest of the evening was fine. I just could have done without three extra hours of driving.


Cheers!
mouse

Last Night I Prayed

Dear Friends and Family,

Mr. mouse fell asleep with P last night so I had the night to myself to finish up all of the things I didn't have a chance to do because P is on summer vacation now. I posted P's library challenge. I checked our credit reports, I ran payroll. I submitted the yearbook for publication (that was a big one). I rejiggered the calendar for the rest of the week. I checked my emails. I played Frozen Free Fall. Then, I changed and got ready for bed. I read a little. I turned out the light. I decided to pray.

There's so much I didn't know where to begin. I have a friend who recently lost her husband in a freak accident. She's decided to shoulder the burden alone. I prayed for her and her family. I have a friend whose child recently got approached by a creep. I prayed for her and her family. P recently told me that sometimes people look at her as if she's crazy and it makes her sad and sometimes people call her sensitive and it makes her sad. I prayed for P. Mr. mouse and I got into an argument last night about Disney. We were both unhappy about where it went. I prayed for us.

And, this morning I woke up to a brand new world. The sun is shining. My list is under control. Should be a good day!


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 6/2/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 1.8 pounds
total weight loss: 8.6 pounds

Yeah! I hit my first "wish" for journey. I wished that by the time P finished school, I was 5.8 pounds lighter than if I had done nothing. And, I am. I'm 8.6 pounds lighter than if I had done nothing. It feels good. I'm nearing in on 10 pounds. That's my next goal. And, that ones a real goal, not a wish. I don't have a time frame for the goal (that's the difference between a goal and a wish) but that's okay. It's another step in a long journey and I don't want to get ahead of myself.

For now, I'll just relish 1.8 pounds.

Cheers!
mouse

06.01.15: First Days of Summer Vacation

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Monday and it's the first "real" day of summer vacation. After many ups and downs we ended May on a high note. We found buyers for some tickets we had. We had some good news come in the last couple of days budget-wise. And, our retirement review was also positive. So, after a month where it felt like nothing was going to break our way, in the end, things worked out okay.

Thursday afternoon, P had a doctor's appointment for her six year check up. I almost made us late, but I took a couple of moments to take some pictures outside of school. And, I'm glad I did because Friday pickup couldn't have been more chaotic. Instead of staggering dismissals, all of the grades dismiss together for the last day of school. On top of that, everyone is trying to capture the last day of school. And, to make matters worse, the skies opened up 10 minutes before dismissal and it was pouring buckets for 30 minutes. Like I said, I'm glad I took pictures on Thursday.

Saturday, we had pancakes for breakfast. Then, we took P to a dance workshop. To say she loved it would be an understatement. She came out positively glowing. I love that she has passions. I love that she enjoys her activities. I love that she's willing to try something new even if it takes a little extra coaxing at the door.

After P's workshop, we came home and ate lunch. One of P's best friends, we'll call her CHG, came over in the afternoon for a play date. The girls danced upstairs while the dads deejay-ed and the moms caught up. We love spending time with them, they're an easy family to love.

Sunday, I punted on brunch with the boys and went to mass instead to hear our new Archbishop speak. He gave a great homily on family and remembering we're all sent into this world for a reason and it's part of our job as family to help each member do whatever it is that member was sent to do.

I know Catholics don't believe in reincarnation, but I do. I believe we've all got a purpose in life. That purpose might be so that our soul can learn a new lesson on its journey to nirvana. Or that purpose might be so that we can help another soul learn a new lesson on their journey to nirvana. Yesterday's homily really rang true for me.

We spent the rest of Sunday getting new sneakers for P and a new toaster oven for our kitchen. We finished off the day by going to the park. It was freezing cold, but it gave P a chance to run around. Now, it's Monday. I'm hoping it warms up a little bit. If not, we'll figure it out.


Cheers!
mouse

Last Day of Kindergarten

Dear P,

It's Friday. Today's the last day of school before summer vacation. It seems like kindergarten only started yesterday, the year truly did fly by.

I'm so proud of you. You've matured so much the past year. You have a great group of friends. You're able to figure out how to make compromises so that everyone gets to have a say in your play scenarios. You are able to articulate what makes you happy, what makes you sad, and what you find annoying. It's precious listening to you. You sound so much older than six years old. And, it's especially darling because you are about the size of a typical four year old.

I'm also very proud of how far you've come academically. You've picked up so much Spanish and math and reading. You've nearly memorized the Almanac your friend, Gabe, gave you and you're able to make connections to facts you've read in the book with conversations you have with us and with your friends. You're comfortable with time and money and numbers into the thousands. Your favorite books right now are the Who Is/Who Was series of biographies. We currently have Maria Tallchief, Marco Polo, Leonardo da Vinci, Abraham Lincoln, Gold Rush, and Louis Armstrong on loan from the library and Laura Ingalls Wilder on hold. See? It's fun feeding your thirst for knowledge.

It's been a good year for me as well. Last year, I was still transitioning from old work to new work. This year, I feel comfortable with the amount of time I got to spend at school and with you. I feel healed from the scars of old work. And, I'm excited about another summer with my slightly older kid. It's also been a good year because I've finally begun wrangling my way back to wellness. I want to be a good role model for you. And, I've been wrangling our house back to sanity. I don't want you to feel like you live in a pig sty.

I feel like my little kid isn't such a little kid anymore. I think from now until middle school, you're my big kid - my big kid who loves dance and swim and math and reading. Then, you'll be a tweenager before I know it. I guess it's time to say good-bye to my little kid years and hello to my big kid years. I'm sure I'll enjoy them as much as I have the first six.


Love,
your mommy

Lunch Walks Among Us

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday's popsicle party was a huge success. Many popsicles were eaten, many bubbles were blown, many chalk drawings were drawn, and three bird were rescued by the park professionals.

At the party, we were talking with a couple of parents about how much parenthood had changed since we were children. It started with being able to play and roam unattended since our kids were essentially running free in the park and it was a special treat to reflux to vaccines to ADD and ADHD to all sorts of other things we need to worry about now that our parents didn't need to worry about.

And, it got me thinking, there are things where the actual number of people with X has been going up like peanut allergies. Then there are things where the actual number is staying the same but the diagnosis of it is going up like reflux. For those things in the latter category, where the actual number of people with X is staying the same, just diagnosis of X is on the rise, it means X is walking among us in the same proportion of the population in adults as in children. The undiagnosed adults who had ADHD as children are working in cubes next to my old cube and Mr. mouse's current office. The undiagnosed adults who had reflux as children are eating at restaurants next to us when we go out to dinner. The undiagnosed walk among us. And, largely, they seem fine.

Does that mean we're worrying ourselves over nothing? If things worked out okay in the end then does intervention make sense? Or does intervention make the journey to the end easier and less painful? I'm not sure. We medicated P for reflux. And, I don't let her roam unattended. And, I think I would her intervene if ADD or ADHD came up. But, I need to remember there are all sorts of things that walk among us in adults who went undiagnosed as children. And, they seem fine.


Cheers!
mouse

Wednesday, Hump Day

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Wednesday already.

I think the long weekend threw me off more than I realized. That and the fact that I spent almost the entire day yesterday doing laundry. There was a comforter that I needed to clean. It gave off a really noxious smell when it came out of the wash so I ran it through a dozen more times. By dinner, I felt like it had gotten to the "good enough" point and threw it in the dryer. There's something about the detergent that the last cleaner used that does not play well with our detergent at home. Sigh. It's done now.

Today, I need to get mail, hit the library, meet a friend for lunch, and go to school for the end of year Popsicle Party.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 5/26/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 0.2 pounds
total weight loss: 6.8 pounds

Sigh. 0.2 pounds. Well, I knew it would be a tough weigh in after last week's 2.2 pounds. Added to that, my sister was in town for the weekend and I ate out more than I typically do and drank less water than I should have and slept less than I really should have. I guess I should be happy that I didn't gain. And, I am happy that I didn't gain. A week ago I would have been ecstatic with my weight today so it's all a matter of perspective.

6.8 pounds. It's enough to feel like I've made progress. But, it's also not enough because it's still easy to slip back into old habits and regain the weight - a pound here, two pounds there, and before you know it total weight loss equals zero. Today, I'll drink my water and eat my fruits and vegetables and see where I am tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

Down Under

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday and I've got a little time. So, I think I'll write about Australia.

We went to Australia in March for spring break. Overall, it was an amazing trip. All of our flights (outside of our first one) left on time. All of our luggage made each connection. All of our hotels and rental cars were waiting for us when we needed them. The weather was warm and sunny with the exception of one day in Sydney. So, really, everything was lined up for an amazing trip.

Day 1, Saturday, we left home for the airport for our flight to Los Angeles. We had an intentionally long layover in LA to go shopping at P's favorite clothing store and to give us a chance to stretch our legs before the long flight to Melbourne. Unfortunately, our flight was delayed several hours so we had just enough time to race over to the store before it closed. We made it and bought some pieces to add to P's spring wardrobe. We had time for In-N-Out burgers for dinner. P surprised us all by eating three burger patties for dinner. We thought we were safe with two, but she must have been hungrier than we realized. Mr. mouse ended up eating one lettuce and tomato sandwich and one burger for dinner. Sometime late Saturday night we boarded the plane for Australia. We were all ready for bed which was perfect because it was evening in Australia.

Sunday, I'm not sure what happened to Sunday. I think the international date line happened to Sunday.

Day 2, Monday, we arrived in Melbourne well fed and well rested. We were all feeling a little grubby, but decided to skip the shower and headed out to Healesville Sanctuary, a zoo specializing in native Australian animals. En route, we picked up some cookies, some meat pies, some hot cross buns and some drinks. When we travel, we always pick up odds and ends to snack on and for breakfast. That way we're not spending all of our time and money foraging for food. At Healesville, we got to see kangaroos, koalas, platypuses, echidnas, and wallabies. We made it in time for a show on Birds of Prey that we really enjoyed and another one on platypuses that was fun. P had time to paint two rocks that we took with us on the trip and to play in the playground before we headed back to the kangaroo area for our kangaroo encounter. She was a little scared during the encounter, but afterward she said she had fun meeting the kangaroo. We bought a stuffed kangaroo at the gift shop and she named in Lacey after the kangaroo we met during the encounter. Monday night we checked into our hotel, Wyndham on William, and P promptly grabbed the first room with the king sized bed. We laughed and rolled the two twins together in the second room and called it good. The Wyndham has a lovely view from the rooftop, but the pool up there was a little too cold for a long swim. We came down and ate a combination of take out (spaghetti, soupy dumplings, regular dumplings and french fries) and meat pies for dinner. The shower felt so good.

Day 3, Tuesday, we packed our bags and checked out of the hotel. We spent the first part of the morning wandering around Federation Square. P and I went to an exhibit on local artists while Mr. mouse went to one on Australian cars. We took some obligatory tourist photos in classic tourist spots before heading out in search of fun neighborhoods in Melbourne further afield from the main tourist city center. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a bit of a bust so we picked up take-out (chow fun and maybe something else) and headed to the airport for our flight to Cairns. We ate while waiting to board the plane and read and dozed on the flight. We landed in Cairns, loaded up the car and drove out to Port Douglas. We checked into our hotel, Sheraton Port Douglas Resort, carried P to the room, and fell happily asleep.

Day 4, Wednesday, we didn't have anything planned for Wednesday. We left it free to ensure we had time to hang out and play in the pool since P loves playing in the pool when we travel. The pools at the Sheraton didn't disappoint. The pools were warm and empty and it was just perfect for spending the day relaxing. We went out to the beach briefly before heading back to the hotel for lunch. Mr. mouse and I got a beer and smoothie to go with the last of the meat pies while P feasted on the kid's fish and chips. Before we knew it, it was time for dinner. We headed back into the room and got clean before applying the bug spray and heading out. Chilly's Pizza has delicious pizzas and the pasta was yummy as well. We couldn't stop eating and we had leftovers to bring back to our room. We found an ice cream place, Wicked Ice Creams, for dessert before heading back to the room.

Day 5, Thursday, we had the first of our two snorkel trips planned for Thursday. Since P had become such a good swimmer, I thought it would be criminal to visit Australia and not take her to see the Great Barrier Reef. And, after much research, we decided to skip the pontoons that we had visited in 1999 because it seemed like they had become overrun and the reef had degraded as a result. And, we skipped the islands because I wasn't as impressed with the islands the last time we were in Australia. So, that left the smaller cruise boats. Our first one, Calypso, held 60 passengers and five crew. We sailed out to three points on Opal Reef. The first site was the most impressive, by far, and P lasted 50 minutes of our allotted 60 minutes in the water. She didn't do as well at the second and third sites because the waves were choppier and the fish were bigger. Added to that, we felt time pressure since we were at each site for only an hour. Ultimately, Mr. mouse kept her company while I snorkeled at one site and I kept her company while Mr. mouse snorkeled at the other. It wasn't ideal, but I was glad we got the first site in together as a family. I was worried about the next day because it would be a waste if she refused to get in the water. But, back to Thursday, we got back to the hotel, practiced snorkeling some more in the pool, got clean, and ate leftovers for dinner. At least that's what I think we ate for dinner because I don't have any dinner locations in my notes. Plus, I know we skipped on the bug spray and we got bug bites over the night in the room. I found the guilty mosquito the next morning. It was bloated. I squashed it.

Day 6, Friday, we had the second of our two snorkel trips. This time we sailed out on Synergy with nine other passengers and two crew members. P made fast friends with a boy named Finn who was a year older than her. Synergy goes to one location on Tongue Reef for three hours. That removed the time pressure since it was plenty of time to see the reef without feeling rushed to get back in the boat to get to the next site. We took our time getting in the water, maybe 15 or 20 minutes, and swam out to the reef. P had fun pointing out the different coral formations and we used our hand signals to check on each other and make sure everyone was okay. We were out about 40 minutes before coming back in for lunch. After lunch, P wanted a break, and fortunately for us, so did Finn and his mom. So, Mr. mouse and I headed back out to the reef while P played on the boat. Agatha, one of the crew, asked if she could take P out if P wanted to go out again and we said yes. At some point while snorkeling we looked up to see Finn and P and Agatha swimming back out to the reef. Agatha had promised P and Finn that she would find Nemo for them. And, she did. P was thrilled. Afterwards, we took P for one last round in the water before we all headed back to the boat. It could not have been a better day. Except it was because when we got back to the hotel for one last dip in the pool, we got to see a bunch of REALLY large bats head out after sunset for their nightly foraging frenzy. Dinner was peri-peri chicken pizza from Domino's and chicken for P from Dave's Take-a-Way.

Day 7, Saturday, we drove down at the crack of dawn for our flight from Cairns to Sydney. When we got to Sydney, it was grey and raining on and off. We checked into our hotel, the Radisson Blu, and walked over to see the Opera House and the bridge. It was wet, but we got P to record a video talking about the weather in Spanish and we found a tourist who we trusted to compose the picture and posed for a picture with the Opera House in the background. After a quick walk back to the hotel and our car, we drove over to Newtown. There P got to see where "Sky Full of Stars" was filmed. She walked down the main street pretending to be Chris Martin. It was precious. After our reenactment, we found lunch. P had sushi. I had tofu soup. Mr. mouse had a little of each. We picked up some meat pies and Clem's Fried Chicken for dinner. P and Mr. mouse bought me two purses. And, we went back to the hotel. The pool was super crowded, but we found a way to make it work.

Day 8, Sunday, we drove down to the Opera House for one last photo since it was bright and sunny in the morning. Then, we headed to the airport for our long ride home. In hindsight we should have napped Saturday night instead of sleeping the full night. But we didn't. So, it was a little tough when we got on the plane, ate "dinner" and tried to go to sleep. We all fell asleep, but with a full night's sleep behind us and loud people around us, there was no way we were going to sleep the bulk of the flight over from Sydney to Los Angeles. We watched a lot of movies. P journaled about the trip. We fidgeted. We rested. We made the time go by. We landed in LA not quite on local time, but not too far off either. After customs, we boarded our flight back home. We all dozed on it which gave me a bad feeling about jet lag since we should have been up. When we landed we knew we needed to stay up until bedtime or around 8 o'clock whichever came first. Fortunately we did and the day that seemed like it would go on forever (we crossed the date line in the other direction on the way back so somehow we had a morning in Sydney followed by 20 hours of travel followed by and afternoon and evening at home and it was still Sunday) came to an end. I almost forgot, P was excited to see that the Easter bunny had visited while we were gone. She had fun hunting down the eggs while we started unpacking.

Still with me? And, that, my friends, was our trip to Australia. It really was a special trip - one I will remember for a long time to come. And, now that P is older, one she may remember for a long time to come. We'll see.


Cheers!
mouse

Fun Times with My 6 Year Old

Dear Friends and Family,

P is always a little sad when Mr. mouse tells her he has a business trip. But, as long as it is a short one, she seems to do okay. In fact, to be honest, it's better than okay. We have fewer meltdowns, we get to bed earlier, we enjoy each other's company more. When the trips get long, we inevitably get the "I miss Daddy" meltdown that lasts for 20+ minutes, but with short trips it seems to be okay.

Mr. mouse left yesterday morning for a short trip. He'll be back today. Yesterday, P and I got ready in the morning. It was a little bit of a scramble, but we got to school about 5 minutes early so I'll consider it a successful drop off. If we had been super efficient, we would have had time for a doughnut and the bus, but I'm not going to be picky. I picked up P in the afternoon and she had a play date with one of her close friends from school.

We ate dinner together. P played while I filled the tub. She had a bath followed by tub time. We got into our pajamas, brushed our teeth, and went to bed together. We both slept through the night. I'll consider it a success.

Today, we need to get to school a little early so I need to go wake her soon. Hopefully today goes as smoothly as yesterday did.


Cheers!
mouse

Feeling Stifled

Dear Friends and Family,

I want to write about a topic, and 99 out of 100 times when I want to write about a topic, I write about it.

This time, I'm choosing not to write about it despite wanting to write about it. I feel like it makes my world a little sadder because to some extent this journal will be my memory of today and yesterday in years to come. And, in years to come, I'm not sure I'll remember why I chose to intentionally leave a blank page in my book.

Just as a reminder to my future self: it was a good day, not a bad day, a very good day.


Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 5/19/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 2.2 pounds
total weight loss: 6.6 pounds

This week was definitely easier than last week. Definitely. Let's hope that doesn't mean this upcoming week is going to be a bear.

6.6 pounds. That feels real. There's a part of me that knows I wouldn't have lost 6.6 pounds without trying. So, trying is worth it. I guess there's no new magic I need to work between now and next Tuesday. I just need to keep doing what I'm doing which is fine with me. Hopefully it's not an "up" week next week. I seem to remember weeks in my last journey where a big "down" week was followed by a small "up" week. I just need to remember that it's a journey and one week can't derail me.

6.6, yeah!


Cheers!
mouse

05.18.15: It Was Supposed to Rain, but it Didn't

Dear Friends and Family,

It was supposed to rain this weekend, but it didn't.

Saturday, we went out to the suburbs to pick up a new bicycle for P. The day didn't start out on the right foot. We called ahead. They told us they would hold a particular bike for us. We got there. The bike was gone, apparently sold while we were driving over. We didn't really have enough time to shop around because we had guests coming over for dinner. It was looking like it was going to be a waste of a day. After leaving the store, we turned around and went back in because Mr. mouse wanted to size out helmets for P. While he was looking at helmets, P was standing on a bike, passing the time. By the time Mr. mouse picked out a helmet that fit P, she had fallen in love with the bike she had been playing with. It was a little more than we had in our budget, but since the four grandparents were insistent on buying P her bicycle, we went with it. It would be $10 more each of them, which didn't seem like it was worth quibbling over.

Back in the car, late for dinner, I texted our guests to check on their schedule. They were running behind too. We made it to the grocery and home in time to make dinner and enjoy the evening.

Sunday, we went to church. Then, P had a play date while Mr. mouse and I finally confronted the GIGANTIC WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM keeping the 800 POUND GORILLA company. There was a weekend in June that had a wedding combined with a school reunion and dance recital and a sporting event we had already purchased tickets for. All in two days, none in the same city. After many snide remarks and ill will, we finally settled on a plan that involves splitting up for the weekend, getting two of the four accomplished.

Sunday night, P spent the evening with Mr. mouse while I met a friend for coffee and to work on my website. It's launched, but I'll continue to modify it now that it's live. Now, it's Monday and I've got a busy day ahead of me.


Cheers!
mouse

Friday, Free Day

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday and I don't have to go to P's school to volunteer. I've got the whole day to myself. Well, the whole day until I need to go pick up P.

I think I'll try to get a few things done.


Cheers!
mouse

Top 3 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

It's been a tough spring. And, we're on the cusp of heading into summer. I think I need to revisit my Top 3 because I can't even remember the last time I gave it any thought.

Two things that I've got momentum on that I'd like to keep momentum on are working towards my goal weight and going through the clutter the house. I'd love to see how much I can accomplish between now and the end of summer vacation against both of these goals.

And, that leaves me with space for one more item. And, since it's summer vacation and there's a couple of weeks when P is off and almost a month when she's in half day camp, my last area of focus will be spending time with P and enjoying summer vacation together.


Cheers!
mouse

Things I Think of That Make People Think I'm Crazy

Dear Friends and Family,

Ready?

This one is on the topic of abortion, that hot button that gets so many people riled up.

I think there's something to be said for states and their interest in protecting life once you can define life. I also think there are people who really do believe it is murder. But, I'm 100% on the side of the right of the woman to made decisions that concern her body, really at any point in time up until and after the baby is born.

This is my idea, which of course would never happen, but in mouse's world it would.

If it's born, and neither parent wants it, they should be able to give it up for adoption. If it's not viable, the woman should be allowed to abort it. If it's viable, the woman should be allowed to have it removed from her body. If someone somewhere has an interest in paying for the baby's care (it's not a fetus anymore, just a very premature baby) and adopting it, they can. It'd essentially be adoption, but of very premature babies.

And, I know exactly what would happen. No one would go this route, because, really, who would want to pay for the cost of neonatal care? Why pay for it when you can get it for free? Let's just force another human being to do something against their will. It's a slippery slope that ends in slavery, but it's apparently one we're okay with.

My world would be different. Someone would have to pay for it or we'd be done fooling ourselves on viability and women could go back to owning their own bodies.

Cheers!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 5/12/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 1.0 pounds
total weight loss: 4.4 pounds

That was a lot of work for one pound. There were many moments this past week when I felt hungry. Part of that is my own fault because didn't really do much on the fruit and vegetable and water side so I wasn't leaving my stomach much work to do. Part of it is just chance. Between the birthday trip and biology, this week is a random "heavier" week - one of those weeks when you do everything right and don't have a lot to show for it.

But, before I lose perspective, it's still a pound loss. A pound is still a pound. And, I knew there would be weeks when this would be tough. This was a tough week. I'm still on a journey. And, on a positive note, while 4.4 pounds isn't a ton, I feel like my face was less puffy in P's birthday photos than in our Australia trip photos. So, I guess it's progress. I'll take less puffy.

Hopefully this next week is an easier week. I'll try and be better about my fruit and my water so I'm not walking around feeling hungry all week.


Cheers!
mouse

05.11.15: Birthday Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

Instead of a birthday party, we decided to celebrate P's birthday with a weekend trip to Cincinnati, the city's whose name I can never remember how to spell. I'd either drop the extra n or add one more n and t. But, that's just me.

We flew over on Saturday afternoon for an overnight at the Cincinnati Museum of Natural History and Science. The theme for the evenings was Caves. We had two guided tours, one of a recreation of a limestone cave and one of cave art exhibit. Then, we had time to explore the museum on our own. P was precious as she led us for our own exploration of the cave. It was just the three of us. She was so cognizant of being quiet we couldn't help giggling. As a last desperate measure to remind us to be quiet, she put her left index finger on her lips and the right index and middle finger in the shape of a V in the air, the sign they use at school to remind the students to be quiet.

She slept like a champ. I couldn't fall asleep, so I spent half the night watching her.

Sunday, we flew back from our overnight. The two men in row 20 reminded me why I believe America can still be a great country. They volunteered to switch seats with P and me so that we could sit together. They made my day. When we landed, we checked into a hotel and let P go swimming. After a lunch of sushi from P's favorite restaurant, P went back to the pool with Mr. mouse while I napped. We drove home and opened presents before turning in for the evening.

I can't end this post without first writing about my Mother's Day present from P. Friday night, P stayed up with Mr. mouse and made a photo book for me. She had the idea and picked out photos from her first six years. She cut them out, pasted them onto pages and bound it as a book. I love it! It was the best present ever.


Cheers!
mouse

Happy Friday

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, I packed all of the bags and headed out to buy P's presents. I found a cute dress, a fun Playmobil set, and added a batch of headbands and hair clips. Mr. mouse ordered a book she wanted and I had thought ahead and ordered one book and two sewing kits she wanted. It's not a lot of stuff, but there's not a lot of stuff she wants or needs so it feels okay. My sister and both sets of grandparents are getting the big gifts. She's getting a teal version of her recital dress from my sister and a new bicycle and helmet from the grandparents. They both want to buy it for her so we're letting them split the bill. She's a lucky kid.

Yesterday, I also found a sewing kit for one of P's best friends. The two of them were born less than a week apart and her friend asked us to join them for their birthday dinner. It was a special night. We're a lucky family.

Speaking of birthday dinner, I survived the birthday dinner with no ill consequences. I ate a lighter lunch which in a way set me up for success, but in an illogical way set me up for failure. I was starving by 2 o'clock which meant I would be ravenous by dinner time. So, I improvised and bought a Diet Coke to have in the afternoon. It kept the hunger at bay so I walked into the restaurant feeling sane. Normally, when we eat at this particular restaurant, I munch on tortilla chips. Then, I have a tamale. Then, I have 2-3 fajitas because they are so yummy. Last night, I skipped on the chips and the tamale and waited for my fajitas. I had two fajitas followed by a handful of chips. I had a tiny piece of birthday cake and left feeling like I did better than I would have done without my eating plan. I'm a lucky mouse.


Cheers!
mouse

Happy Thursday

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Thursday and after multiple weeks of feeling blah, today I feel good. It might be because it's supposed to be sunny today. It might be because I had a good weigh-in this morning. It might be because I have finally made some progress on my to do list. Whatever it is, I'll take it. No need to over think feeling good.

Today, I think I will go shopping for some presents for P. Honestly, if I had done this earlier I could have simply made a trip to the mailbox and picked it all up in one fell swoop, but I didn't do it earlier so I think I'll have to do it the old fashioned way and go to the stores.


Cheers!
mouse

Arrgghh

Dear Friends and Family,

To make this week even more trying, it's my grumpy week when anything and everything seems to make me angry. Yesterday's weather was a foul mix of fog and damp cold. Yesterday's dinner tasted like salt. Yesterday's budget review made me feel like we were spiraling out of control. See? Everything seemed to make me angry.

The only thing that made me really really happy was catching up on emails. I had a pile of unread emails and now I have five which is an acceptable number to let sit. They're attachments I need to work on or things I need to take the time to read or forms I need to fill out. I can deal with five.

This morning I rejiggered the budget to make the rest of the month work. And, I guess I'll plow through my water today to get rid of the over-salted feeling. And, hopefully, when all is said and done I'll feel less grumpy. And, if not, I'll at least realize it's my grumpy week.


Arrgghh!
mouse

Weekly Weigh In: 5/5/15

Dear Friends and Family,

this week's weight loss: 1.6 pounds
total weight loss: 3.4 pounds

It's Tuesday. And since I'm back on Weight Watchers it's weigh-in day. This week I lost 1.6 pounds which I'm happy with. I was a lot less ambitious about getting everything in so while I made it a point to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet, I didn't walk around feeling bloated and blah all week. I'll take a slightly slower weight loss for not feeling blah. Feeling blah is low on my list of things to do.

These upcoming weeks are big weeks for me, mentally. In my head, I know that if I hadn't decided to make changes in my life, I'd still be 3.4 pounds heavier. But, in my heart, I feel that there's natural fluctuation in my weight, and maybe I would have lost the 3.4 pounds or some portion of it through natural day-to-day fluctuation. But, at some point, my heart catches up with my head and realizes that natural day-to-day fluctuation isn't what is driving the weight loss. Then, the mental game becomes easier. Once you have faith, it's easy to continue. Right now, I'm in that grey area where I tell myself I should have faith, but I'm not quite there yet.

So, this week I'll continue to try and follow the plan and I'll see where next Tuesday finds me.


Cheers!
mouse