12.31.09: Oops...

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Thursday and I just realized yesterday afternoon that I hadn't been blogging all week. I had been blissfully enjoying the time off with P.

Friday, we flew home for the holidays to see family. We split the time between Mr. mouse's folks and mine. P was a trooper, beginning to sleep regularly in her car seat after seven months of training. She began to have separation anxiety which I guess is normal. And, she's gotten really good at crawling and pulling up.

We flew home on Tuesday and have been spending the past two days catching up on errands, cleaning up the house and playing with P. I'll set aside time tomorrow for ye olde restrospective.

Time for breakfast and some play time. Then, while P naps, we'll begin the baby proofing process.


Cheers!
mouse

Imbecilic Waste of a Morning

Dear Friends and Family,

I FINALLY HAVE P'S CHRISTMAS PRESENT AT HOME - NO THANKS TO THE MORONS AT UPS WHO CLAIM TO KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT PARCEL SERVICE.

What kills me is not that they lost the package, not once, nor that they lost it twice, but that they have been completely nonchalant about accepting any accountability whatsoever for their complete lack of service. An "I'm sorry, we'll make sure it doesn't happen again" would have gone a long way towards making it better for me.

Instead, I camped out watching for the truck today, loaded for bear. Incompetent imbeciles.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: Merry Christmas, everyone.

Slow Morning

Dear Friends and Family,

It's tough to get motivated, but the sooner I get in to work, the sooner I'll be done for the year and the sooner I'll get to come home.

Okay. Guess I'll go wake P for breakfast.


Cheers!
mouse

P's Christmas Tree

Dear Friends and Family,

Our ornament collection has always followed three simple rules. Each year we buy the Swarovski Christmas ornament. Each year we also buy a handmade glass ornament. And, then, we have four boxes of MOMA ornaments we use as filler ornaments. There are two bell shaped ornaments that don't fit the round criteria, but nevertheless make the cut each year because they are so beautiful.

Last night, daycare sent home a classic kid ornament - red construction paper cut in the shape of a mitten with a picture of P in the middle. And, just like that, our tree became a little more personal. And, I'm okay with it.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: P's continuing her hit-me (as in blackjack) motion. Perhaps she'll be a drummer.

PPS: Last night, she really picked up her crawling pace. I have a sneaking suspicion the extended family is going to give her lots of practice while we're home for the holidays.

12.21.09: Amazon, My New Best Friend

Dear Friends and Family,

One of my friends decided to rescue me and go to the Barry Manilow concert with Mr. mouse. I love friends willing to rescue me from Barry Manilow. The world should be filled with friends willing to rescue me from Barry Manilow. There cannot be enough... okay... okay... Mr. mouse got to see Barry Manilow. I got to spend the evening at home with P. Life is good.

Saturday, we met up with a friend I used to work with and her little toddler. It was good to catch up and compare notes on reflux babies. She's got the impossible eater who's a normal weight. We've got the chug-a-lugger who's also normal, but tiny.

Sunday, we gave P a bath. And, although she wasn't happy, she wasn't miserable either. I don't know what changed, but I'll take it. P's also begun consonants to Mr. mouse's joy. And, she continues to practice pulling up and crawling. On another milestone, she's pretty much outgrown green pillow. She's big enough to go without it if we're in the car, and, at home, we just lie down together now. It'll be sad retiring green pillow for good.

Sunday afternoon, we went to the aquarium. The new membership got all of us in for free, and P got her first entrance bracelet to commemorate the occasion. For old times sake, we ate popcorn with her by the Caribbean Reef where we sat down timing contractions the day before she was born.

Sunday night, Tex Mex followed by tree trimming. Finally. It's one of the things on our to do list that got pushed back. Once we get the gates up, we'll have most of the big things done before we begin the big push to get ready for our party.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: Amazon. Saturday, we went to pick up packages and our Amazon package was missing. P's first Christmas present was missing. Not cool. And, UPS was so not helpful. Loaded for bear, I began the 1-800-someone'd-better-help-me-now-or-so-help-me-god calls. And, Amazon was amazing helpful. Yes, they began the claims process and the search process. But, why ruin a customer's Christmas in the interim? They mailed a second batch of books second day so that we'll get it in time for Christmas. Now, that's smart customer service.

Santa Mouse

Dear Friends and Family,

P is home sick. She got sent home from school on Tuesday with an "unformed, uncontained" diaper. We think it's a stomach virus. Mr. mouse stayed home with her on Wednesday. I stayed home with her yesterday. Today, we're keeping her home just in case.

But, life goes on. And, I will stop by daycare today to sign the bill for the holiday party that Mr. mouse and I are sponsoring for P's teachers. And, to drop off the gift cards. And, I have a little something for the ladies at the lactation center where I pump.

And, so begins the holiday cheer.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: change of plans, P's off to school.

Capturing Time

Dear Friends and Family,

It happened yesterday at work. The dreaded calculation talk... Well, next week is a short week, and then everyone's off the week after. So, we might as well wait until January before we kick off this project...

Wait a moment! Where did December go? I don't know.

I've come to the sad realization that I've lost total control of time. And, that makes me wonder - do you put life on hold and try to capture the precious memories of babyhood? or do you let life happen and wake up one day to find a teenager asking for the car keys?

I'm not sure you have a choice. And, I'm not sure the answer is black and white. If you put life on hold, then the dishes don't get cleaned, and the fridge doesn't get stocked, and the clothes don't get washed, and that hardly seems like a good choice. But, if you do all of the things that need to get done, then the time slips by and you know you'll regret not taking more time to just lie on the floor and laugh with her because one day she won't have any interest in doing that with you.

There's a precious window of time right now when her eyes light up only for you (and her Dad, of course) and her smiles are sheer expressions of her utter joy to see you and she is thoroughly content to play with you all day.

I guess the right answer is one of balance - get enough done to keep the wheels on the wagon, but make a conscious effort to take the time to enjoy the bliss of the first year.


Cheers!
mouse

Baby Lullabies

Dear Small,

We've got a long drive to school, and sometimes, when you cry, I sing to you to soothe you. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But, I always give it a try.

Your Favorites

• Ba Ba Black Sheep
• Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
• The Alphabet Song
• Itsy Bitsy Spider
• Are You Sleeping?

Other Songs I Sing

• This Old Man
• Do Re Mi
• Wheels on the Bus

Originals

• Who Loves P?

At Home

• The Diaper Song
• Eating Makes You Nice and Big
• Ladybug's Melody

The time goes quickly, and it's tough to capture all of the details that make up our day to day routine.


Love,
your mommy

12.14.09: Christmas Prep

Dear Friends and Family,

We spent part of the weekend with old friends from the Motor City doing our teeth cleaning thing. P did SO much better on this car trip than she did on the one six months ago. We left Thursday night, ~9 PM and she slept the whole way over. Then, on the way back, we left ~4:30 PM and she slept most of the way back (we stopped at dinner time for all three of us). Yeah for P!

Friday, we went to the dentist. Then, we ate lunch at one of our favorite delis - loading up on bread and butter to bring home. We tried a $200/lb ham ($8 for our serving size) and a $125/lb ham ($5 for our serving size) and had fun comparing the taste, texture, etc. of the two. The flavor is intense and goes a long way. Me? I preferred the cheaper of the two - it was more for fun than anything else.

After lunch, we picked up our annual Christmas ornament. We debated, briefly, picking up a separate ornament for P. Then, we decided not to. Since, eventually, one day, all of our ornaments will be hers. A quick sprint to load up on gear for dinner, and we were over at our friends' house noshing on french fries, potato skins, pumpernickel bread with dip, pizza and chinese spare ribs. Dessert? chocolate cake. Yumminess. Yes, it's an odd combination. But, we all had fun which is the important part.

Saturday, we lingered longer than planned, catching up with a friend over dim sum, so we didn't get Christmas cards/tree done like we originally planned. The cards may not go out until January - we're falling behind on our to do list and I'm beginning to re-prioritize to maintain my sanity.

Sunday, we did the bulk of our Christmas shopping. This year, Mr. mouse and I decided not to get each other anything. Instead, we'll be making a couple of charitable donations. Time to research worthy causes.


Cheers!
mouse

P Updates

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, when I went to pick P up at daycare, while I was packing up her bag, she pulled herself upright. Wow. The world is a new place for P (and me).

So, last night, I was faced with the dilemma of where to sleep P until we dropped the mattress on her crib. I tried the pack and play until she was puffy in the face from crying. She finally collapsed and fell asleep. I was so proud of my achievement that I had Mr. mouse go in to see her which woke her. She's the deepest sleeper and the lightest sleeper depending upon where she is in her sleep cycle. Once he calmed her down, he took her to our bed (aka nuestra cama).

Last night, in her crying fit, she also definitively showed a pick me up move - where she opens her arms, turns towards you and pleads.

Seven months old tomorrow. It goes so quickly. There were times during the first six months when I thought about how cool it would be to have a second child - to relive the experiences we'd had so far with P. But, I've come to realize, it wouldn't be the same. It'd be a whole new person with a whole new set of experiences. And, it wouldn't be the same because it'd be Mr. mouse, P, baby and me, not just the three of us the way it is now. Just more thoughts going through my head when I'm stuck in traffic.


Cheers!
mouse

12.08.09: Happy Belated Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

Snow tires on.

Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. I don't think we did anything of note. It was a lazy day at home playing with P. I think. Has my memory of the weekend faded already?

Sunday, we went out and picked up a tree. It's up in its stand in the living room, lights half on. We'll work on it throughout the week and hopefully get it done by the weekend. I'm a lot more excited about presents this year - presents for P.

Oh, Saturday, I did a couple of hours of work and then worked on the Christmas card. How quickly we forget. And, Saturday night, we went to a co-workers' Christmas party where we scored a jar of honey in the gift exchange.


Cheers!
mouse

First Snowfall

Dear Friends and Family,

First winter snow and it's coming down Monday for rush hour traffic. Going to try and get a jump on the commute.

Weekend update tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: furnace part fit, yeah!

Day Three Intermittent Heat

Dear Friends and Family,

Tuesday

I woke up and it was cold. Not freezing, but cold. We realized the furnace was out. Mr. mouse fiddled with it in the morning. He replaced the thermostat in the evening. We slept with a space heater we had from last winter.

Wednesday

I woke up and it was colder. Not freezing, but definitely colder. Furnace still out. Mr. mouse called a repair person who came and looked at it and quoted something or other, ended up not replacing anything but jiggling something or other, charged $100 and left. Heat :)

Thursday

I woke up and it was cold again. Not freezing, but cold. We realized the furnace was out again. Mr. mouse fiddled with the part with the bad contact. It snapped. He ordered a new one that's coming today. We slept with a space heater we had from last winter.

Friday

I woke up and it was freezing. Not cold, but freezing. I don't need Mr. mouse's $0.02 to realize the furnace is still out. Fingers crossed the part fits today.


Cheers!
mouse

P Up, Heat Down

see you tomorrow -

Baby Time

Dear Friends and Family,

A light bulb went off this weekend and I'm ready to write about something that's been on the back burner for a couple of weeks now.

My mom.

She's mentioned she wanted to come out several times now. For example, while my grandmother was sick, she wanted to come out for a day trip to spend some time with P. I told her she's always welcome and that a day trip would do her a ton of good especially since my aunt was in town to visit with and take care of my grandmother.

Well, after grandma passed away, the concept of the day trip morphed, in my mom's mind, into a SIX month visit to spend some time with P.

Both Mr. mouse and me kind of flinched at the thought of a six month visit. First, there's the fact that we travel, a lot. How would that work? We'd leave her here alone for weekends on end? Then, there's the fact that we have friends over, a lot. How would that work? There's only so much space in the mouse pad, especially now that we've lost a room to P. Then, there's daycare. How would that work? It's not long enough to pull her from daycare and too long to pay it and not use it. Then, there's eating. How would that work? My mom wants to help, but she's not the healthiest cook. And, the list goes on, and gets more petty. And, made me feel like a horrible person.

But, then, I realized those were all mechanistic things we could work through if we really wanted to. At the heart of it was a bigger issue. Rewind to six months ago.

In hindsight, I think, if I were to do it all over again, I would take two weeks with Mr. mouse right when P was born, then three weeks with my mom and then two more weeks with Mr. mouse instead of having my mom come out on day 3 and stay for three weeks. We just needed more time as a family unit when she was born - just the three of us - to soak it all in. I think I've been fighting that since and that's part of what has made me so greedy about P time and so sensitive about the mom visiting thing.

Then, the other thing is, while my mom was here she was very greedy with P time. I kind of swallowed my words and let her have more time than I wanted to give knowing that she had three weeks and I had months ahead of me. It was tough to do, especially with the postpartum hormones raging, but I did.

And, whenever we visited home, she's been very greedy with P time, which I've just chalked up to her taking advantage of the time she has - really, to be fair, everyone is very greedy with limited P time and I get it and I'm okay with it, it's just no one else is asking to move in so it's not really an issue with anyone else.

Which brings me to my aha. I don't want to be fighting for P time and P attention and P "preferential status" (aka who's #1 in P's book?) with my mom for six months. I also don't want to have her spoil P and then have to be the disciplinarian and spend the time and effort to undo that. It all reeks of bad Korean soap operas.

Now, before you think I'm a selfish little snot, I'm 110% for P having a close relationship with her grandparents - all of them. I just don't think she's at an age when she's forming relationships and memories. And, I brought that up to my mom. And, my normally selfless mom said, "I know, this is about me." Wow. I didn't say anything.

Since my mom is normally selfless, it's unfortunate that all three of her children are normally selfish. I think it's because she asked us to be selfless in ways children really shouldn't be expected to be. I won't go into all of that here. But, what it all boils down to is this... If she's okay being selfish, then I'm more than okay being just as selfish. And, I will be, because P's time and attention and preferential status are all limited commodities. And, while I don't mind being a sandwich generation financially, I sure as heck mind being asked to be a sandwich generation familially.

Where does this leave everything? I don't know. Probably nothing is going to happen between now and the end of the year. Now that I have more perspective, I'll stew on it all again until the next light bulb goes off.


Cheers!
mouse

Credit Card Financing Charges Hamster Wheel

Dear Friends and Family,

We're not ones to carry a balance on our credit card, so imagine my surprise to find out we've been getting charged finance charges on our primary card. WTF?!?!

It turns out we were late one payment this summer, right when P was born and our internet went down and online banking was the last thing on my mind. Well, since then our "average daily balance" has never reset to zero even if we've paid off our balance each month since. So, the bank keeps sending us the bill for finance charges.

Finally fed up, last month, we paid double our balance so we'd had a negative balance for the month and finally zero out. As Murphy's Law would have it, we still have an average daily balance - almost zero, but not quite. So, we'll be sending in another monster payment this month. On the positive front, our holiday spending will all be covered in this overpayment debacle.

And, how on earth is a normal person supposed to figure this out? And, afford to do this? I'm beginning to hate/distrust large companies more and more. They seem to have lost sight of the altruism that is the social grease that enables the world to function. There's fair profit and there's "unfair" profit. And, we seem to have lost perspective on what that means.

P's up. Off my soap box.


Cheers!
mouse

11.30.09: Much Needed Long Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

Ah... After a crazy fall, we had a much needed long weekend off. I feel like I've had enough time with P to get caught up and not feel so deprived or compromised.

What'd we do?

Tuesday: P and I left work/school early to beat the traffic home. It still took forever and a quarter, but it would have been worse if we hadn't left early. We went out Tuesday night to pick up a rug for P's new play area.

Wednesday: P and I met Mr. mouse for lunch. Then, we napped while Mr. mouse picked up the rug at the warehouse. We celebrated the start of the long weekend by going out for dinner - Thai.

Thursday: The whole day disappeared in a flurry of cooking since we didn't do the pies Wednesday night. Then, the evening disappeared in a flurry of eating since we didn't have much to eat all day.

Friday: I headed into work in the morning for a couple of hours to check in. Then, we met up with some friends for lunch and a jaunt over to the Art Institute. We took pictures of P that we could use to create a time lapse; we were there in July with other friends.

Saturday: We finished up some very belated thank you cards and cleaned house. Then, we met up with our friends for dinner (sushi) and then ice cream.

Sunday: More time with P followed by a Target run and dinner in Chinatown.

And, that was the weekend. P started a host of new tricks, but I'll write about those later this week.


Cheers!
mouse

The Grateful List

Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry about the radio silence for the last couple of days. It feels like one long weekend with the holidays mixed in.

Time to reflect on what I'm grateful for... (in no particular order)

health and happiness of friends and family, a spouse who loves me and is supportive and nurturing and has faith and confidence in me, a job that I enjoy that keeps me mentally challenged and helps me contribute to my family's well being, a sister who understands me to my core and still loves me and helps to keep me sane, patience and openness that helps me cope and learn, and all the people who love P and make every day feel special

which brings me to, the thing I'm most grateful for this year, P

that the pregnancy went to term, that the delivery went well, that she was born in good health, that she continues to thrive, that we were able to figure out breastfeeding, that we got to spend the summer together, that work is so supportive of my need to balance work and motherhood, the moments Mr. mouse and P and I share together as a family watching her and playing with her, the utter joy and happiness in her eyes and smile when she sees either of us, the trust and peace in holding her when she sleeps, and even the sad moments when she needs Mr. mouse or me to do something for her.

Each moment feels so precious. I'm glad I waited until I did to have P. But, ultimately, I'm so glad I did decide to have her.


Cheers!
mouse

Baby Proofing

Dear Friends and Family,

Well, P was off Zantac for a couple of days. And, this morning, we caved and dosed her. Guess she still needs the meds.

We went shopping last night and bought a rug for the family room. This weekend, we'll clean the floor, rearrange some furniture, and hang some gates. And, hopefully, at the end of it all, P will have an 8 x 10 space she can call her own - safe for her to do her thing. Kind of like my office at work.


Cheers!
mouse

A Healthier Thanksgiving

Dear Friends and Family,

Whereas Thanksgiving is a time of tradition, and recognizing that there's a HUGE comfort associated with certain foods during the Thanksgiving mean, nevertheless I am considering revisiting our Thanksgiving traditions in the name of making it a healthier tradition.

Phew, now that the legalese is out of the way. What does that mean? I've decided to tweak the meal a dish at a time as time and whimsy strike. This year, we're passing on the Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and instead I will be baking bread. I've made it a couple of times before using the NY Times no knead bread recipe.

Original article: The Secret of Great Bread
The Follow-On article: No Kneading, but Some Fine Tuning

I'll miss the little flaky, buttery pillows of hydrogenated fructose goodness, but good bread is nothing to sneeze at either. And, in the long run, it's a healthier habit for P to pick up from us. And, for us to pick up from us.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: In case you're wondering. Thursday, we'll be having: turkey, ham, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, bread, green bean casserole, corn, cranberry relish, pumpkin pie, apple pie, whipped cream, ice cream

PPS: Prior changes in years past have included homemade gravy vs. jar gravy and homemade cranberry relish vs. canned cranberry jelly.

11.23.09: Weekend at Home

Dear Friends and Family,

After three weekends on the road, we finally had a weekend at home.

We slept in both days, napped both afternoons, ran some errands and gloried in the amusement a six month old provides.

We fed P (apples, avocado, salmon and pumpkin - she loves apples). We watched P crawl (backwards). We heard P say hi - jury's out on whether it was intentional or not. We watched P pick things up and shake them and swat at things.

I so needed a weekend of nothing. Now, I'm off to work for a day and a half. I wanted to take the week off, but with the funeral and multiple trips home, I'm behind. So, I'm headed in for today and for an hour meeting tomorrow.


Cheers!
mouse

Apples for Breakfast

Dear Friends and Family,

P's growing up. She's eating apples with her Daddy while I write this post.

What does our six month old peanut eat?

1. breakfast (5 AM): nursing session followed by whatever baby food we have handy (starting today)
2. mid morning snack (8:30 AM): 8 oz bottle
3. lunch (noon): 8 oz bottle
4. high tea (3:30 PM): 8 oz bottle
5. dinner (7 PM): nursing session followed by whatever baby food we have handy

So far, she's eaten peas, carrots, apples, bananas, avocados, and mashed potatoes. Tomorrow, she starts baby food at school. I'm not sure how much she'll eat. I think I'll send a 6 oz bottle for breakfast and 4 oz of baby food letting her decide how much she wants. We're not in the business of measuring her food, if we can. Maybe that's why she still hasn't doubled her birth weight.


Cheers!
mouse

Sleep Catch Up

Dear Friends and Family,

Mr. mouse met me at the bus station and drove home while I slept in the back seat with P. We got home, fed P, and then napped until 11:30. I pumped, ate dinner, and fell back asleep until this morning. P slept through the whole night. And, so did Mr. mouse.

Guess we all needed the rest after the last couple of weeks.


Cheers!
mouse

Food Decisions

Dear Friends and Family,

I gave myself a reprieve until P turned 6 months on the whole baby weight thing since 1. it seemed like there was some inexplicable link between my losing weight and my losing milk volume and 2. there were a million and one things I was tracking for awhile with P and who need to track a million and two things, really?

But, now, I'm ready. P's six months old. And, I'm mentally ready to begin the 20 pound journey that is my post partum wellness journey. Instead of jumping full court press on the Weight Watchers bandwagon, I've resolved to make three better food decisions every day. I'll weigh in tomorrow (since I forgot to this morning) and we'll go from there.


Cheers!
mouse

11.16.09: Closure

Dear Friends and Family,

We went home for the weekend for the funeral. And, for all my griping beforehand, I'm glad I went. I'll miss grandma. But, I won't. I'll see her again one day, and until then, she's with grandpa. They'd been separated for a long time so I'm glad they're together again now.

Administrivia: flew in Friday morning, wake Friday evening followed by dinner, funeral Saturday morning, followed by lunch and then time at home with my brother and sister and brother-in-law, flew out Sunday morning - it was warm for November and raining, a tropical storm was pushing rain our way - my brother had a chance to say his goodbyes alone, both at the wake and at the cemetery, my mom had her church group to support her - at the wake, one of the toughest, but one of the most touching moments was when the nurses from the nursing home showed up to say bye to grandma - I'm glad to be home again.

Pioneer had a tough time. She threw up four times on the flight out. Then, three more times at the airport. We switched her to Pedialyte and she was able to keep that down. We eased her back into milk on Saturday and she was back to her normal routine by Sunday. It was weird for her to be around all of these emotions. She's used to shiny happy people. And, she was lap child for the whole weekend, instead of being able to crawl around and spread out.

P contorted herself into a sitting position by herself while we were home - Saturday evening while my brother and sister were playing with her. She's getting better at the backwards crawling. We're beginning to see baby neck. She's a riot when she's eating. She grabs the spoon and shovels the food into her mouth sideways. She eats a little over an ounce at a time now. And, she's become more purposeful at the breast. When she was a newborn, it was a struggle. Then, she learned to lie still and open wide. Now, she wiggles and squirms towards me and grabs with her hands. It's really quite cute.

Sunday, we had our six month visit. P's still 50th percentile head. She's now 25-50th percentile height. And, not unexpectedly, 5th percentile weight. She got 5 shots including seasonal flu and H1N1. She fell backwards from a sitting position onto the floor twice last night. And, she had a tough time falling asleep. Five shots, two teeth and a bunch of moving parts is tough on anyone, much less a six month old.

Oh, and, we're going to try weaning her off of the Zantac. Wish us luck!


Cheers!
mouse

Not One, but Two

Dear Friends and Family,

Mr. mouse and I had placed a bet on which tooth would show up first - lower left or lower right. Not one to disappoint, P decided to have the two show up simultaneously, this morning.

I had checked yesterday evening and P's gums were swollen and white, but no signs of a tooth. And, then, this morning, there they were!


Cheers!
mouse

Day at Home

Dear Friends and Family,

Home today getting ready for our trip back for the funeral. P's sleeping and I've had a chance to do my morning routine and decompress.

I'm still not sure where I'm at. I feel happy for my grandmother. She's not suffering anymore. And, she's with my grandfather now. I'm sure when I get home my mom and brother will be train wrecks. He was a lot closer to my grandmother. It was like that for me when my grandfather passed away. I still miss him.

Well, not sure I have a ton of new insight for the day. I'm over the anger I felt Tuesday night and the emptiness I felt yesterday. Today, I feel strangely optimistic. It's all going to be okay in the end.


Cheers!
mouse

Resolution

Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry for the spotty coverage. There have been a couple of mornings I've slept through my alarm clock and had to run to work.

My grandmother passed away last night at 9:35 pm. The wake is on Friday night. The funeral is on Saturday.

In an awkward way, I'm happy for my grandmother. She was hanging on when I last saw her, but I didn't see how she was going to recover. Now, she's at peace and there's no more suffering.

In another awkward way, I just wish I could disconnect the phone and crawl into a cave for the next two months and just be here and spend time with P. I wish I could shut out the world and just be by myself. I don't want to deal with anyone at the moment which seems impossibly selfish. I guess I just don't like change sometimes.

In a third awkward way, at some point my mom and I will have to have the conversation. She wants to come out to "help" with P. I'm not necessarily sure I need (or even want) the help. It makes me feel even worse to have this added on on top of everything else.

Guess I'm off to my awkward day.


Cheers!
mouse

11.09.09: Weekend of Misunderstandings

Dear Friends and Family,

Sometimes, when Mr. mouse gets on a mission, it's just plain easier to roll with the punches than it is to resist. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often. And, usually it's relatively harmless.

This time, he got it in his head that he wanted to go see our Winter Cabin friends. So, we scrambled to get all of our errands done on Saturday. We took the early flight out. We took the later flight back. And, in between, we spent the day with our friends which was awesome.

Now, the less than awesome. I didn't get to sleep in on Sunday. And, I didn't get to nap or turn in early so I'm starting the week tired. We didn't get all of our errands done so I'm starting the week feeling behind.

And, since we didn't get to see any of my friends from old work, it was a partial trip. What it comes down to is, I'm not sure how our weekends are going to shape up. We have friends in town next weekend that we weren't originally planning on. And, the weekend after we're visiting the folks. And, at any given moment my time can be trumped. And, I guess I just wanted quiet time because lately I feel my schedule hasn't been my own. And, so, while I thoroughly enjoyed the trip out, I resented Mr. mouse taking away what little control I've had recently.

Pioneer is moving around like a champ. Not crawling, but turning and shifting to get from point A to point B. It's not intentional, just happen chance. She's making progress on the food front - she ate almost a half ounce of peas last night. She's still talking up a storm. And, she's beginning to exhibit stranger anxiety. All of which makes me feel like she's growing up too fast. Yet, when she's asleep in my arms, like she was on the flight home, she's still a baby. I couldn't stop watching her last night - poopy diaper and all. My sweetest.


Cheers!
mouse

Baby Food

Dear Friends and Family,

The internet was down yesterday morning. Or, rather, our cable modem was.

Tuesday night, we fed P mashed potatoes. She was doing excellent until she got a funny look on her face. Two seconds later, she threw up her potatoes and two and a half ounces of milk to boot. We figured enough potatoes for one night. We gave her a topper bottle later in the evening and laughed the whole incident off.

Wednesday, we fed P more avocado. She was patient with us and got it down. I think at this point it's still all more for fun than it is for actual nutrition. This weekend, we'll try avocado one more time and then move on another food.

Our baby's growing up.


Cheers!
mouse

11.04.09: Processing

Dear Friends and Family,

It's cold now. And, it's dark at night.

P's crawling backwards. And, we can feel a tooth coming in even if we can't see it. She's laughing a lot again after a period when her smiles were harder to win. And, she's talking a ton after a period when she was listening more than squealing. P's a consistent sleeper on the morning rides in, and an inconsistent sleeper on the rides home.

She's SO curious about our food, it makes me laugh. But, when we tried mashed potatoes last night, she vomited it all up. We laughed. She laughed. We try again tonight.

And, I'm still trying to come to terms about grandma. She has good days. She has bad days. They're not feeding her so I feel like that's numbering her days. She has trouble swallowing her food so the decision on how to proceed isn't obvious.

I'm still processing.

And, my mom talks about coming out/moving out to help with P. I'm not sure I want the help, truth be told. I'm kinda enjoying it the way it is now.

I'm still processing.

And, that, my friends, is my life right now. Lots of thinking. Not a lot of insights.


Cheers!
mouse

Milk Cycling

Dear Friends and Family,

I obsess about being able to provide for P. And, my latest thought obsession is whether or not to cycle through the frozen milk. It's an insurance policy, but one, that in all theory, I shouldn't let go to waste. Ideally, in a perfect world, P drinks all of it before we wean her. Therefore, even if in the short term it makes sense to continue to feed her fresh, in the long term it makes sense to feed her some frozen even if it means freezing some fresh.

Fortunately, this also coincides with her peak milk consumption so we were going to have to defrost some milk sometime in the near future anyway.

Here's my initial thoughts. We'll defrost one 2.5 ounce vial every weeknight starting 11/1. Then, we'll freeze one fresh vial every even numbered night starting 11/1. That means we'll be consuming 5 vials a week and freezing 3-4 vials a week for a net consumption of 1-2 vials a week. If we need more milk, we'll defrost to maintain the steady freezing of a vial every other day. Overage, we freeze extra, although I don't see that happening. We'll see how November goes and reassess plans for December.

I guess, theoretically, we should cycle through all of the milk. Then, the stuff in the freezer should be good to go until we need it. If, for some unknown reason it's still available, we can cycle one more time when she hits nine months old.


Cheers!
mouse

Sick Day

Dear Friends and Family,

Pioneer and I took the day off yesterday. Neither of us was so sick we couldn't go in, but both of us were marginally enough sick to make the combined effort less motivating. It was nice to spend the day at home together - like when I was on leave, only with a good ankle and a lot more self confidence.

We slept in until 8AM. Then, P had her medicine and breakfast. We played until 9:30. Then, she napped until 11 while I showered and did my morning thing. She snacked, then I ate. I fed her about a quarter ounce of milk - half with a spoon, the rest through a nipple. We played some more. She micro-napped. She ate lunch at noon. Then, we played a bit before she fell asleep in my arms and we napped on green chair.

We got up at 3, and she had her bottle right on schedule at 3:30. Then, we played some more until she tired out around 5:30. She slept in her swing while I rocked her. I can sit there all day and watch her. She's so precious when she sits there watching you and then slowly falls asleep. She woke at 6:30 right when Mr. mouse came home, had dinner at 7 and then we went out for dinner - P and two unicorns.

What is play? Play is reading books together, playing "who's got your face" with a pink towel (our version of peekaboo), gnawing on all toys, flying in the air like an airplane, tickling her belly with kisses, flash cards, and sitting together and talking.

And, now, it's Wednesday and we're back to work.


Cheers!
mouse

10.26.09: A Weekend to Remember

Dear Friends and Family,

We couldn't have had a better weekend.

Friday, Mr. mouse and I picked P up at daycare. And, she took her first "step" while we were packing up her stuff. Granted, it was a backward step while crawling that she hasn't done again since, but still, it was fun to see it live together.

Saturday, we spent the day shopping for fall clothes for P and then we went over to a friend's house for an impromptu dinner. P showed off her sitting up skills (she can sit without leaning on her hands for support now) and the girls took turns reading P's books to her. It was so cute to watch.

Sunday, we sorted through P's clothes and packed away most of her 0-3 months clothes. Then, we took P out for fall pictures. She was precious in her Halloween costume. And, we got some great family pictures amongst the foliage. P fell asleep, and Mr. mouse and I took the opportunity to enjoy the fall weather and took a walk with her asleep in her stroller. The weather was perfect. The leaves were beautiful. I brought home six leaves to press in a book and save for P.

I'm glad we had the time to go out and enjoy it all and to capture the moment.

And, to cap off the weekend, Mr. mouse and I fed P. She had some mashed avocados mixed with milk. I'm not sure if she's a fan. We'll try again tonight. She's a big girl now. And, I've made it past the toughest (at least the toughest one I anticipated) hurdle with breastfeeding.


Cheers!
mouse

Another Baby Milestone

Dear Friends and Family,

I've got the sniffles so we'll be staying in town this weekend. No need to bring germs home to grandma.

And, because P's at three eight ounce bottles now, we're toying with experimenting with solids this weekend. If not, it'll be a couple of weeks from now, on her six month birthday. Choices, choices. I don't know why I've got the mental hang up that we should make it to the six month point. She's five and a half now. Hmmm...


Cheers!
mouse

H1N1 in the House

Dear Friends and Family,

I got to daycare yesterday to find a letter taped to the check-in station.

One of the kids in the center had been diagnosed with H1N1. It was bound to happen. And, not having a ton of good options, I got over my initial shock and moved on with my day. I dropped P off and figured we would deal with the repercussions, if any, as they come.


Cheers!
mouse

Another Baby Milestone

Dear Friends and Family,

Someone's getting a haircut today. I'm not naming names, but if you guessed P, you probably guessed correctly.


Cheers!
mouse

10.19.09: Quiet Time

Dear Friends and Family,

We had a quiet weekend at home and it was perfect.

Saturday was a bunch of errands. We gassed the car, picked up mail, picked up groceries, got an oil change, ate lunch, bought a rice cooker, picked up makeup, picked up P clothes, and still made it home to spend time with P in the evening. Pile on laundry and some mouse pad organization and it was a full day.

Sunday, we went to our favorite bar to watch our favorite auto racing series. Then, we dropped off forms at the doctor's office for P. And, we came home and spent the rest of the day playing and folding laundry.

P's been spending a lot of time in nuestra cama (aka our bed) this weekend. She's been sick and waking in the middle of the night. I guess it's okay, but I'm aware that she may be sleep training us.

She's also gotten uber-dexterous at picking up items and sticking them in her mouth. She'll reach for items and hold them for extended periods of time now. I've been encouraging her to play with a spoon we bought for her under the premise that that's step 1 in feeding her. Step 2 will be feeding her milk with her spoon. Step 3 will be "human" food. The reasoning is that feeding can be broken down into a series of steps which ultimately culminate in eating. I'm assuming steps 1 & 2 can be an any night of the week activity. And, step 3, we'll probably attempt on a Friday night and over the weekend so we can monitor her and take it slow. Mr. mouse bought rice cereal, carrots, peas and sweet potatoes for us to experiment with. I'm still lobbying for homemade mashed potatoes.

And, now, it's Monday. P has a cold, but I'm going to bring her into daycare anyway. I may bring her home for the afternoon depending upon my schedule. We'll see how the day plays out.


Cheers!
mouse

In Love All Over Again

Dear Friends and Family,

Half way through dinner last night, P fell asleep in my arms. And, watching her, it was like magic. She's so warm when she's curled around you. And, she's so trusting and so happy. And, just like that, you fall in love all over again.


Cheers!
mouse

Crying on the Way Home

Dear Friends and Family,

Three days in a row P cried most, if not all, of the way home. Not sure what's causing it, but it makes for a really long drive home. We'll see if she's four for four today.


Cheers!
mouse

Overslept

will write tomorrow

Keeping Up

Dear Friends and Family,

I knew P's milk intake would peak between four and six months and I knew that would be the toughest hurdle in the decision to feed her breast milk over formula.

She turned five months yesterday which means we're half way through the hardest part. And, so far, miracle of miracles, I've been able to keep up. (Way to jinx yourself, mouse)

The routine, not that you care, but I will when I look back:

• 5:00 AM breast feeding
• 8:30 AM bottle 1 at daycare (8 ounces)
• noon bottle 2 at daycare (8 ounces)
• 3:30 PM bottle 3 at daycare (6 ounces)
• 7:00 PM breast feeding

We have a "stockpile" in the freezer that we can draw against if we need to. And, if we need to, we can also introduce solids. Lots of options.


Cheers!
mouse

10.12.09: Marathon Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

I couldn't have asked for a better weekend to recharge both physically and emotionally.

I took Friday off and flew home to see my grandmother. P stayed home with Mr. mouse. While it would have been nice to go as a group, this way I didn't have to worry about packing all of her gear, getting her on a plane, and then getting home on what promised to be a crazy Friday night. I went round and round before landing on this solution, and, in the end, it worked out perfectly for me.

Grandma was doing, well, not great, but better. They had her heart rate under control and her infection was doing better. But, she's still not eating. Honestly, I think it's only a matter of time. So, that makes it that much more important to enjoy the time we do have left with her.

Friday afternoon, I flew home. P was sleeping by the time I got home which made Friday her first 100% bottle fed day - she ate after I got on the plane and before I got home. My girl's growing up.

Saturday and Sunday, our Quebecois friends were in town for the marathon. We had brunch with Fred and Gen. Then, we stopped by a baby store to have a look see. We picked up a little something something for them since they're expecting in December. Then, they headed back to the hotel and we headed home. I spent the afternoon with P while Mr. mouse took Fred and Gen and Chantal and Eric to see the Frank Lloyd Wright houses.

We all converged on the mouse house for the traditional pasta dinner before everyone turned in for the night.

Sunday morning, Mr. mouse, Fred and Gen headed out as race support. It was Chantal's first marathon and Eric was attempting qualification for Beantown. In the end, they both accomplished their respective goals. P and I took the train out and met up with everyone for the champagne toast. Cheers!

It was nice spending the morning napping with P and playing with her. She's at a very cute age now. And, our P and Two Unicorns saga continues when we go out. Mr. mouse wonders what it'll be like when she regresses to the norm. I think he's being optimistic. She's going to be a head turner for awhile if she continues on her current trajectory.

P and I had more nap time in the afternoon while Mr. mouse ran errands. Then, the happy six plus one met up for dinner before we all turned in for the night. I'm looking forward to next year. We promised to make it a ritual. Eric laid down the gauntlet, he'll defer Beantown for a year (if he can) so that Gen can qualify - then they can run Beantown together.

Game on.


Cheers!
mouse

Overslept

Dear Friends and Family,

No post this morning. Hit the snooze button once too often.


Cheers!
mouse

Sleep Bank Deposit

Dear Friends and Family,

After running a sleep deficit for longer than I should have, I caught up last night. I came home, pumped, ate dinner and crashed by 8. Mr. mouse woke me at 10:30, I pumped again. I slept until 3 this morning when P woke.

I can't say how refreshed I feel. I have work to catch up on tonight, but it was worth it.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: P has the cutest dimple on her elbow now.

Top 3 Update

Dear Friends and Family,

I know my Top 3. It's just that I get the feeling I only have bandwidth for a Top 1 and I'm having trouble force ranking my Top 3.

There's P. There's my grandmother. There's work.

And, everything else can fall by the wayside for now. Weight Watchers can wait. Counting pennies can wait. Being green can wait. Mouse pad work can wait. Everything else needs to be put in a little box that I can open later once I have more time.

Time to contemplate a forced ranking.


Cheers!
mouse

10.05.09: Mile High City

Dear Friends and Family,

We flew out Saturday to go to my friend's wedding. We were a little discombobulated on the way out. We left a bag at home that had P's bottle and milk for Saturday in it (along with my pump). The wheel on the stroller broke. We almost left Mr. mouse's bag in the wrong rental car. And, the list goes on from there. Fortunately, we were able to break the streak and get back to our normal selves.

We met up with KAR for lunch - only the line was too long for dim sum. So, we had Vietnamese before going for dim sum. Then, we went back to the hotel, changed and headed out for the wedding. P slept the entire evening. I had a chance to catch up with a ton of friends from grad school. I was toying with skipping the wedding and going home to see my grandmother. I'm glad I went.

Sunday, we slept in one extra hour. And, we enjoyed the morning with P. The sun was streaming into the room (I miss the sun) and we took a ton of pictures of our almost five month old. This past month really flew.

We packed up and headed out for the airport. And, then the fun and games began. Our flight was delayed for mechanicals. Sensing impending doom, we headed over to the gate for the St. Louis flight, but it was full. We did some math and headed over to the Omaha flight and got on standby. We hung out in Omaha for two hours eating and feeding P. Then, we missed the first of the Omaha flights home, but caught the second flight home. P had a melt down in the car because she was hungry.

I ended the weekend tired from a day spent trying to get home, with two phone calls I need to return (my sister and my cousin), and a mountain of email for work. But, it was worth it. I wish we had made it back earlier since my sister was driving through town and a direct flight is always easier (btw, our original flight eventually cancelled).

Now, the question looms about the upcoming weekend. I would love to spend it at home, resting, catching up on work, and seeing our friends in town for the marathon. But, I'm torn. Should I go home to see my grandmother? She's back in the hospital and I know it's only a matter of time.

I feel like a horrible person. I know for the sake of my sanity I need to simplify my life. I have to prioritize. And, I resent that my priorities are being forced. Instead of enjoying time with P, I need to balance the needs of my family - to go home to see my grandmother, to call family members with updates, to do the things that need to be done.

This week, I need to squeeze in a manicure (my nails have gotten obscene), a bath for P (because our flight was delayed yesterday), gas fill up (this one should be self evident) and errand catch up from the weekend. Let's hope 1. traffic isn't a disaster like it was last week and 2. P sleeps through the night - she didn't last night.

I guess what it comes down to is the last month flew by. And, I don't want the next two or three months to fly by with us doing what needs to be done for my family. Then, we wake up and find P's grown up a ton and we missed it because we weren't there for it.

There's never a right answer, is there?


Cheers!
mouse

Mental Fog or Sheer Exhaustion

Dear Friends and Family,

Traffic's been tough all week (with the exception of Monday). And, for some reason daycare (and P, it takes two to tango) can't seem to get the basic job of food in baby done in time for us to go home on time (with the exception of Monday). Add to the mix the fact that P's been crying in the car (with the exception of Monday). And, that work is building up since we had a doctor's appointment and a concert this week and Mr. mouse had a haircut as well. And, top it off with a wedding this weekend and the fact that my grandmother's back in the hospital.

And, I am ready to throw in the flag and bolt myself in my room for a couple of days to lock out the world. Only, it'd all be there waiting for me when I came out. And, would probably be worse for the wear.

This mental fog needs to lift. I should look at my calendar for next week and plan on a couple of days off.


mouse

Young at Heart

Dear Friends and Family,

One of Mr. mouse's friends came over last night to watch P. And, Mr. mouse and I went to a concert - Moby. On the way home, we were reminiscing about fun times in the past - going to clubs and dancing.

It's nice to be able to go out on a school night still and enjoy ourselves.


Cheers!
mouse

PS: No set list as I don't know many of the titles of his songs.

Four Month Check Up

Dear Friends and Family,

We brought P in for her four month check up.

Kate Moss is still 50th percentile height and head circumference with a 10th percentile weight. Our little lollipop.

We upped her Zantac dosage since she was beginning to revert to newborn behavior - wanting to be held constantly, crying in the car, squirming on her green pillow, and looking sad.

The rash on her neck is a good thing. It means she's filling out. We can treat it with athlete's foot cream if we want.

Her hearing is fine. Her shots are up to date. And, we got the go ahead to attempt solids any time we want.

We came home and she did an art project for school. And, just to keep us entertained, she sat up unassisted. Not tripod with her arms supporting her. Just plain up. Wow! My baby's all grown up now.


Cheers!
mouse

Autumn Chill

Dear Friends and Family,

The winds been playing rearrange the deck chairs on the mouse roof since Sunday evening. And, with it has come autumn weather - as in need a coat because it's brisk weather.

This year is odd. It didn't feel like summer until almost Labor Day. And now, just a couple of weeks later, it feels almost like early winter.

G is for Glaciation. (nerdy baby flash cards for P) G is for Gore. (mommy commentary)


Cheers!
mouse

09.28.09: Calm before the Storm

Dear Friends and Family,

We had a long list of errands to run this weekend, but ended up accomplishing not much of anything.

Saturday, we slept in. Then, it was a flurry of activity to get out to the mailbox to get home to go to meet friends for lunch to get a wedding gift to get home to meet friends to eat dinner and put P to sleep to get work done. See what I mean?

Sunday, I got up early and did more work since Mr. mouse and P were sleeping. I vetoed F1, and instead we gave P a bath and ate lunch at home. Then, I passed out while Mr. mouse got some work done. We went out to dinner and then Mr. mouse passed out while I got my standard evening to do list done.

And, now it's Monday and the start of a hectic week. Tonight: work. Tuesday: doctor's appointment. Wednesday: concert. Thursday: breathe. Friday: pack.

Pioneer's picked up new tricks. She reaches for our faces. She passes things from hand to hand. She picks up her pacifier. And, she crawls backwards. It's all darling.

And, Mr. mouse may be brought round to the food train. I'm for trying it since it decreases milk demand making my job easier although I am afraid of ye olde nursing strike. Mr. mouse was all for delaying as long as humanly possible since, after all, why not? But, now he's being brought around by the oddest of arguments: waiting may make P a pickier eater. Okay, if that's what works for him, fine with me. We'll see.


Cheers!
mouse

More Magic Tricks

Dear Friends and Family,

P continues to grow and do new things.

She's beginning to turn the pages when we read to her. She'll skip to a random page, but still, it's something new.

She's beginning to put her hands on the bottle. She can't hold the bottle herself, but still, it's something new.

She's beginning to push off with one leg. She can't crawl. She goes in circles, but still, it's something new.

She's beginning to hold my breast when she feeds. Not sure what it accomplishes, but still, it's something new.

And, she continues to eat everything she can get her hands on. I guess it's her way of exploring the world.


Cheers!
mouse

Sleep Training

Dear Friends and Family,

Four months old, and we're being sleep trained.

P started crying on the way home last night. And, after eating like it was going out of fashion, she fell asleep on her green pillow. She stayed asleep in my arms for her 20 minutes. And, then, she slept in our bed through the night.

After three nights of 2 or 3 o'clock feedings, it felt heavenly to sleep through the night. I feel like we're being sleep trained.


Cheers!
mouse

Running on Empty, Again

Dear Friends and Family,

P's gotten up almost every night this week. And, I'm working through a cold compliments of daycare. Add to that two jobs and driving. And, you have one exhausted mouse.

Thinking about taking Friday off to catch up on rest.


Cheers!
mouse

Morning Thoughts

Dear Friends and Family,

oblivious mouse
vivid dreams, multiple nights
a little worried


Cheers!
mouse

09.21.09: P and Great Grandma

Dear Friends and Family,

After all my griping, I'm glad we went home.

I'm not sure my grandma recognized either Mr. mouse or me, but when she said baby, my heart broke. We got to the hospital shortly after lunch. My mom fed my grandmother while I fed P. Then, we spent some time talking to my grandmother, but with little response.

Mr. mouse fed my grandmother after my mom was done. And, with his patience, he got her to eat almost three quarters of her lunch. He's amazing.

Around 3, when it was time for P's bottle, she started crying. We decided to let her fuss and brought her over to my grandmother who heard her cries and opened her eyes and said baby. Then, she said the Korean equivalent of oh my. Then, she asked if it was a boy or a girl. She patted P and tried to hold her close to her. Then, she told me her lower back hurt from lying in one spot, so we moved her to make her more comfortable and she fell back asleep.

It wasn't a long visit. And, it was sad to see her so weak. But, to see her interact with P. It was worth it. I'm not sure how seeing her earlier would have been since it's only recently that P would have been capable of interacting.

We called yesterday and my mom said my grandma's not doing as well as she was on Saturday. She hadn't eaten much yesterday. I'm not sure how much of that is chance and how much of that is that Mr. mouse is so patient. I want to believe the former, but I can't help believing a tiny bit of the latter. I just want her to eat so she can regain her strength and get better.

In contrast, Sunday, we stayed in the neighborhood all day. We slept in and ate a simple lunch while P was napping. We hit the farmer's market, the bakery and the baby store. P and I napped while Mr. mouse took care of the house. We ate dinner and everyone turned in early last night.


Cheers!
mouse

Running on Fumes

Dear Friends and Family,

And, because my parents are my parents, my sister calls me yesterday to tell me that my grandmother had a stroke last Sunday. And, we can't make heads or tails of how she's doing since our parents are loathe to share anything that could make us worry.

So, what are our options? One of us has to get on a plane and go home and assess the situation. And, this time, it looks like it's me with Mr. mouse and P in tow which wrecks any plans I had to catch up on sleep this weekend and just enjoy some quiet time with P.

I know I sound resentful. And, to be honest, I am. Not of going to see my grandmother in the hospital, but that my parents think they're making our lives easier. It'd be so much easier if they could be honest with us and treat us like adults. Then, we could trust them when they say it's okay, no rush to get here. But, we can't (trust them) so we can't (plan the trip).

Annoyed. And, tired. And, resentful.


Cheers! (or not)
mouse

PS: Between traffic, work, and a school call, I feel like I haven't seen P all week. This is probably adding to my sense of resentment.

Running on Empty

Dear Friends and Family,

Mr. mouse and I both have had busy weeks this week at work. That means we're both running on fumes. Tonight will be interesting.

For some reason, P is no longer as entertained with looking at us. She looks and then she moves on. We haven't gotten the big smiles and long looks we've been spoiled with.


Cheers!
mouse

Grand Social Experiment Update II

Dear Friends and Family,

An update on an update.

Pioneer

Knock on wood. She's been sleeping through the night. She wakes up between 4:00 and 4:30 in the morning. This is fine with me since I get up at four o'clock either way.

Pumping

So far it looks like I can eliminate the 3:30 PM pumping session. I increased the other sessions to 15 minutes and added five minutes onto both of her feeding sessions. I decreased the 3:30 PM session from 12 to 9 to 6 to now 3, taking out three minutes every week. It feels weird reducing the time, almost like weaning. But, I figure I can always add it back in if needed.

Bottle Size

P's bottle is six ounces. Her teachers say it seems like a good amount for her. We weigh her daily. As long as she's gaining, I'll assume she's okay. If she stalls out, I'll increase her bottle size. The other thing we do each week is we weigh her before and after feeding. The last two weeks she ate 5.75 ounces, so I'm assuming that's another triangulation point.

Weight Gain

From the past month, looks like P's settled in at the six to seven percentile point. She's gaining steadily, so I'll assume she's okay until we go back for her four month visit and get told otherwise.

Overall Assessment

While it's a little more tiring, I'm looking forward to the upcoming flexibility. Next week, if we continue with the experiment, I'll be down to two pumping sessions at work - one in the morning and one at lunch. I can also do my lunch session at one o'clock which is a huge bonus, since I won't be under the gun to get another session in before the rooms close at four. I'll also be free to go out on the weekends from lunch until dinner. Currently, we need to plan for either being home for "high tea" or for feeding her on the road which is okay but not great. Now, we can grab her bottle and feed her and I don't need to be by a pump. I think it's worth the extra tiredness.

We'll see.


Cheers!
mouse

Time Warp

Dear Friends and Family,

Oh no. It's happening again.

I felt like I had a grip on time. But, it's slowly slipping away. Only yesterday it was 9/1. Now, it's 9/15. That means 9/30 is right around the corner. And, before you know it I'll become one of those people. The ones who say treasure every moment because the first year goes so fast. Only, time was going fast before P, so I'm not sure correlation is causation.


Cheers!
mouse

09.14.09: P and the Unicorn

Dear Friends and Family,

What a fabulous weekend.

Saturday, we spent the morning playing with P. Then, had a couple of friends over for lunch before heading out to a local art fair.

P's gotten really good at picking up objects and putting them into her mouth. She's also gotten good at the sitting thing. Since the lighting was good and she was happy, we played and took pictures. Our favorite way to spend a weekend morning.

Our friends brought over their newborn. He's eight weeks old, but through a combination of genetics and a lot of formula, he's nearly P's size even if she's nearly double his age. He was on his back blissfully staring off as newborns do. And, she was on her stomach watching him intently. Well, we kept bringing them closer and closer to see what would happen... Well, eventually they got close enough that he was able to reach her face and he did and she startled and the sad face followed by the loud cries made me get up to go over and soothe her. She plays with other babies all of the time at daycare, I guess she's just not used to it at home.

The art fair. It was palpable. The squeals. The gasps. The wake of commentary. The oh-my-gods. The heads turning. The people back tracking to see P. Mr. mouse commented that he could have been a unicorn and no one would have noticed him. They would have just noticed P. Sad, but probably true.

We picked up a shirt for her. We're buying 6-12 month clothing, not because she's anywhere near that size, but she's got a ton of 0-3 she's wearing and two drawers of 3-6 waiting for her. And, we picked up two more of our favorite blue jumper for her.

Saturday night, she crashed hard after the full day out.

Sunday, after some super fun play time, we headed out to watch the F1 race. She did really well and even took a cat nap at the bar. We walked the neighborhood in the afternoon. We bought a present for B and Chef M. They're moving next week and we wanted to get them a little something.

Then, P had a little trouble falling asleep. So, we stayed in for a couple of hours before heading over to B and Chef M's place for dinner. P ate just after we arrived, smiled for her adoring crowds, and fell asleep on the couch while we ate dinner like normal people. She slept the car ride home. And, she slept in her crib when we transferred her.

Like I said, what a fabulous weekend.


Cheers!
mouse

Abacadabra, and Presto! Out of This Hat...

Dear Friends and Family,

Yesterday, P decided to master tripod (sitting by herself, propped up on her two arms). She did it once in the morning when I was with her at daycare and by nightfall she was doing pretty consistent rounds of it.

And, if that wasn't enough, yesterday, P decided to master reaching for objects. I got a good video of it last night while we were playing.

I brought her into work yesterday during a charity fund raising lunch and the visible oohs and aahs were almost comical. I know we get a lot of comments on our walks both to us and in our wake. I know friends tell me she's cute. But, yesterday, she took it too new heights. It was like she was QE2 walking a receiving line.

I love our P. Even if she were a baldie that no one remarked on, I would love her the same.


Cheers!
mouse

Work Changes

Dear Friends and Family,

And, just to keep things interesting, I was offered a new job yesterday and will be starting it today. It's with the same company with the same group, so at least there are some constants. But, new boss and new role so I'll be figuring it all out.

I'm a little anxious and very excited.


Cheers!
mouse

Another Steep Learning Curve

Dear Friends and Family,

P turns four months old this week. And, just when you think you've gotten the hang of it all, you realize they're ready to hit you with a bunch of new things you know nothing about:

1. teething
2. oral hygiene
3. solid foods
4. sleep training
5. eliminating the pacifier

And, then the big one: baby-proofing the house.

Time to get a reading!

I haven't written about her development in awhile since she rolled over in late August. In the past two weeks, she's gotten really good at rolling. She's woken herself a couple of times with her face mashed against the cribs bars. She continues to suck on her hands incessantly. And, she's begun mouthing her toys as well. She clasps her hands together frequently. She's beginning to hold her toys. She enjoys playing up/down with Mr. mouse where he lifts her like a reverse push-up and then brings her back to his chest. She's bearing weight on her legs well and still trying to figure out sitting unassisted. More smiles now than coos. Tracks voices. Watches intently while we're eating. And, is a champ about eye contact and being alert. And, last but not least, seems to think her name is "look at all that hair."

Lots of good stuff.


Cheers!
mouse

09.08.09: Labor Day Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

We didn't do much over the long weekend. Just quiet time at home with P.

Saturday, we slept in, checked mail, returned a car seat, ate some barbecue and came home for the evening.

Sunday, we slept in, let P nap, shopped for some baby clothes, ate dinner and came home for the evening. Sadly, we went through her clothes and sorted out the ones she's finally outgrown.

Monday, we slept in, let P nap, mailed some boxes, and grilled on the deck for the evening.

And, now, it's Tuesday. And, I've got to go get ready for work. Sorry for the short post.


Cheers!
mouse

Morning Thoughts

Dear Friends and Family,

Fall is upon us -
Birds circle and leaves yellow.
Pause to enjoy it.


Cheers!
mouse

Me?

Dear Friends and Family,

What happened to mouse? I'm turned into Pioneer's mom.

I used to be a person with interests and passions and a life. And, now, sadly, every day I write about my daughter. And, even more sadly, I'm okay with that.

My interests and passions and life will be there, ready for me to pick up when I'm ready to return to it. P's first year won't be. I know the pace of change will make it seem like every year goes by in the blink of an eye. But, that seems especially true of the first year. So, I'm okay with putting other things on hold for now.

I know!

Time for a Top 3 update.

1. Pioneer: I want to spend the time with her enjoying life in general. I want to play with her and see her develop. Her smile makes it all worthwhile. She's such a happy baby now.
2. work: I'm getting back into the swing of things after being gone for three months. It's still a little complicated with the new commute and the thrice daily sprints to the lactation rooms. But, it's working and I'm enjoying it.
3. um... and truth be told... that's about it... between those two, my days are filled and my nights are filled.

Once I have some bandwidth open up, I'll add a third.


Cheers!
mouse

Vacation Day

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm taking a vacation day today. Mr. mouse, Pioneer, and I are headed to the ball game.

Mr. mouse is at work. Pioneer is asleep. And, I'm doing my morning routine.

Life is good.


Cheers!
mouse

Grand Social Experiment Update

Dear Friends and Family,

We started an experiment last week with Pioneer where we would let her sleep through her 10:30 PM feeding instead of waking her for it.

So far...

Pioneer woke the first two nights in the middle of the night. We had traded a 10:30 PM session for a 2:00 AM feeding session. But, the last three or four nights she's been sleeping through to the next morning. Most people would not define four o'clock in the morning as sleeping through. Since I am already up at 4:00 AM, I am fine with it.

I wanted to use the shift in sleep cycles to try and remove the 3:30 PM pumping session at work and add a 10:30 PM pumping session at home. So far, it hasn't worked exactly the way I wanted. I've been pumping around 9:15 PM to go to sleep earlier. But, the evening session isn't nearly as productive as the 3:30 session usually is. I've increased my other sessions from 12 minutes to 15 minutes to see if that can make up the delta. It hasn't quite equaled out. I decreased the 3:30 PM session to nine minutes this week. We'll see how it goes. I won't eliminate the 3:30 session until I figure it all out. My thought is I can always increase back to 12 minutes next week if I need to. I'm assuming I've got that much flexibility in this whole game.

Back to Pioneer. Last week I increased her bottle from 5.5 ounces to 5.75 ounces. She hadn't been able to finish the 6 ounce bottle a couple of weeks ago, so I figured I would step her up in smaller increments. She's been finishing the 5.75 ounce bottle, albeit with more spit up. Today, I packed 6 ounce bottles for her. We'll see how she does. My logic is, if she's skipping her night feeding session, she needs to increase, gradually, to 6.5 ounces. We'll do 6 ounces this week and go from there.

Which bring us to part four of the experiment. Pioneer's weight gain. We weighed P on Sunday night and she had gained weight from the week before, but not as much as I had hoped. It was tough to say how much of that was the new routine and how much of that was the weekend trip. We weighed her again last night and she had plumped up a little. If she continues to gain, we'll continue this experiment.

Overall assessment, it's worth continuing to see how our experiment evolves. So far there's nothing we've done that can't be undone.


Cheers!
mouse

08.31.09: Birthday Weekend

Dear Friends and Family,

Birthday weekend! Mr. mouse treated me to the best of weekends to celebrate.

We flew out Saturday morning. Mr. mouse's folks picked us up at the airport and drove us to our hotel. We got upgraded to a suite because our room wasn't ready. Then, we packed the bags and headed out to the ball park. Pioneer had her first train ride and her first ball game. Afterward, we took the train to my Mom's store and headed back to the hotel together. My mom watched Pioneer while Mr. mouse and I went out to birthday dinner. Sunday morning, my mom came over again to play with P. We all went out to lunch together. And, then, she dropped us off at the airport for our trip back home.

Pioneer did awesome on the plane ride out. We fed her as we took off. She played with Mr. mouse during the flight. And, she snoozed on the way down. The trip home was tougher. She was tired and our flight was delayed. We had a couple of squeals out of her, but nothing extended.

Pioneer also did her first train ride like a pro. She just sat in her sling and watched everyone on the train.

The weather was a little iffy. The threat of rain was hanging over our heads. But, it was cool enough with enough cloud cover to not feel like we were baking in the sun. P sat in my lap for most of the game watching the world around her. Then, she slept in my lap until just before the seventh inning stretch. When she woke, we headed under cover to walk the ball park and take some pictures. We figured we wouldn't press our baby luck or weather luck.

Dinner was nice. I did a lot better without P than at our first dinner out when she was two months old. I was able to relax and enjoy time alone with Mr. mouse. We reminisced about childhood dinners with our folks. And, about life in general and life now with P. And, just about random thoughts like we used to. I got tired waiting for the check, but the extra almond cookies our waiter threw in the to go bag made up for it.

P had a less than perfect night. I think she was tired from the day, was hungry a little earlier than normal, and needed to go poopy. She played with my mom for an hour and then cried for a spell before she had her bottle and then she promptly passed out. My mom didn't mind the crying so all was well.

Sunday morning was a marathon feeding/changing session. But, the scale didn't show any huge jumps when we weighed her last night.

And, now we're home. Two days of work and then I'm taking Wednesday off to head out to the ball park. Yeah for birthdays!


Cheers!
mouse

Ferberizing by Driving

Dear Friends and Family,

After almost a month of crying, Pioneer is hopefully beginning to settle into a routine with our morning commute. She would cry the entire way (I kid you not) when we began which made the commute miserable for both of us.

Yesterday, her best day so far, she cried for five minutes on the way out and four minutes on the way back. I'm still driving on eggshells waiting for the squalls, but yesterday's commute has me cautiously optimistic that we may be able to make this all work at some point.

We've also been trying what I've termed "our grand social experiment." We've been letting P sleep past her 10:30 PM feeding to see when she naturally wakes. I've noted we'd been waking her for those feedings relatively frequently. So, now, we let her sleep and see when she wakes. Yesterday, it was 3:30 AM. Today, it was 2:15 AM. I'm fine with both of those and here's why.

I'm trying to engineer a way out of my 3:30 PM pumping session. It's by far the toughest one for me to make at work. My theory is, if I can replace my 3:30 PM session with a 10:30 PM session, then I can go about my day that much smoother. So, the real question for me is trade-off between a 3:30 PM pumping session and a 2:00 AM feeding session. And, the answer is yes, if I can make it work.

How do I define make it work? I'll continue with the 3:30 PM pumping session until I know I can balance supply and demand. Then, I'll slowly decrease the time of the 3:30 PM session until I can remove it. My initial thoughts is to go down in 3 minute increments: 12 minutes (now), to 9 to 6 to 3 to 0. That way I (hopefully) lower the risk of a plugged duct which (hopefully) lowers the risk of an infection.

As far as balancing supply and demand goes, I'm doing a couple of things. I'm increasing my other two sessions from 12 minutes to 15 minutes. I'm adding a 9:30 PM session (10 minutes so far, will increase to 15 minutes sometime next week - this is in lieu of the 10:30 PM feeding which gets me more sleep). And, I may add a 7:00 PM session as a last resort. If it all works out, great. If not, we go back to waking her at 10:30 PM and call it a night.


Cheers!
mouse

401k Rollover | Wal-Mart Rollback

Dear Friends and Family,

Monday, they told us she was getting close. But, instead of practicing, we spent the evening at the Home Owners' Association meeting. And, Tuesday, instead of practicing, we went out to dinner. And, Wednesday, at daycare, P rolled over all by herself. Good for her!

I guess it'll be the first of many accomplishments she does while we're at work. In one sense I'm okay with it. It wouldn't be very fun if I saw it while Mr. mouse was working or if he saw it while I was working. I guess this way we both missed it and get to see it for the first time together.

Yesterday, after dinner, I went to play with her for a second and she gave me such a huge smile my heart melted. I wish our days weren't as filled with work and commuting - that I had more time at home with her to see that smile.

I enjoy work. But, there are days I wonder if it's all worth it. The commute. The long hours. The time away from P. If the economy wasn't in shambles, I would consider taking the time off or letting Mr. mouse take the time off. But, right now, it just seems like it'd be a little foolhardy to leave jobs we enjoy to spend time with P.

I love her.


Cheers!
mouse

Morning Thoughts

Dear Friends and Family,

What do we call P?
hairy little monster and
poopy diaper queen


Cheers!
mouse

PS: We also call her sweetie, precious, beautiful, frog eyed girl, dear leader, three month old, and sometimes just plain girl.

Morning Thoughts

Dear Friends and Family,

Days begin to blur,
as we settle together,
into a routine...


Cheers!
mouse

08.24.09: Weekend at Home

Dear Friends and Family,

We spent a quiet weekend at home knowing that next weekend will be a busy one.

Saturday, we slept in. I think we all needed it.

Then, we went to get my driver's license renewed. I could have done it by mail, but I wanted a new picture. I was 55 pounds heavier in my old picture (before Weight Watchers) and thought the hour wait well worth the new picture. Now the big question, do I take my picture again in four years, since I'm still carrying around baby weight? Guess we see in four years.

For lunch, we went for Korean fried chicken. P had lunch compliments of our super convenient booth with high walls. Breastfeeding can be more convenient. It can definitely be less convenient. We're still doing it for now. My new goal: four months. We'll assess again at that point.

We came home. Mommy manicure time. Then, Mr. mouse stayed at home and played with P while I headed out for a wedding. One of my friends from work was getting married and I wanted to go. Since it looked like an adults only affair, we split for the evening. I'm glad I went. I miss some people who moved to a new department.

Sunday, we got up early to get ready for our dratted doctor's appointment. This time, armed with a real baby scale that we finally broke down and bought and a bottle of wine we weighed three times to calibrate our three scales (there's under a half ounce in question between the three scales), we went in loaded for bear. And, I mean loaded for bear. I'm sick and tired of the bullshit stress that comes from the bullshit weigh-ins that never seem to go well.

Okay. Baby: 10 pounds, 4 ounces. Wine: 2 pounds, 15 ounces.

As soon as we got into the exam room and the assistant left, we grabbed the bottle of wine to tare the scale. Neither Mr. mouse nor I had any interest in undressing P if the scale was off. What does the wine weigh? 2 pounds 7 ounces. Re-tared and re-weighed. 2 pounds 9 ounces. I'm ape @%#$! at this point. We grabbed the baby and the bottle and bounced from empty room to empty room until we found a room that weighed the bottle at 2 pounds 15 ounces. Room 15.

I went out to the reception desk and requested a room switch. And, they were all eyebrows like um, no. And, I was I'M HERE FOR A $%#@! WEIGH-IN AND THE SCALE IN MY ROOM IS WRONG! There's nothing like crazy mom to get service people to take a step back and re-evaluate. Is this the hill we're all going to die on? They switched our room to room 15. The doctor came in. He said as long as P is above 10 pounds we're free to go on our merry way. We undressed her and weighed her. 10 pounds, 3.5 ounces. Whoopee! I can only imagine what she would have weighed in the initial room. And, I'm 1,000% sure there's some poor mom going through some poor weight crisis because her child was weighed in the other room.

After our glorious weigh in, savoring our new re-found sense of freedom, we headed out to meet B and Chef M for lunch. They had eaten, but it was a good chance for us to catch up with them. After lunch, P and I, mostly me, slept away the afternoon.

Happy Monday!


Cheers!
mouse

Crib Time and Upright Time

Dear Friends and Family,

How has this evolved from a blog about me to a blog about P?

Well, last night was her first night solo in the crib in a long while. She did well, but woke a little earlier than usual - 3:15 vs. 5:00. She's back asleep now. We'll do two nights in the crib next week and see how she does. It makes sense to have her spend the bulk of her time there, going forward. But, I don't want her to lose her flexibility which is super useful when we travel.

And, now, I need to gripe. Mr. mouse has been REALLY dropping the ball when it comes to her morning upright time. I know he's tired. I am too. But, three days ago, he cut it short and they both fell asleep on the bed. Yesterday, he cut it short and they fell asleep on the bed. And, this morning, he cut it short and he put her down in her crib. Another morning this week (was it Tuesday?), we gave her a topper since she got up early. But, he was super slow about waking her so she didn't have her full 20 minutes before we put her in the car seat.

I know he thinks her reflux is getting better. And, I agree, on a whole, she's doing way better than she was a couple of months ago. But, she's still an ABSOLUTE nightmare in the car. That may be random chance. It may be reflux. I TOTALLY resent the fact that he's taking shortcuts that I then need to deal with the ramifications of.

My other option is I hold her upright for 20 minutes in the morning. Well, that's 20 minutes less sleep for me. And, I'm already napping in the evening because 1. I'm drowsy at work, 2. I'm drowsy on the road, 3. I feel like it affects my milk supply, 4. Mr. mouse doesn't want me to have caffeinated beverages because it may suppress P's appetite. I feel so boxed into a corner on this one. And, I can tell by my rant, I'm going to let him have it when he gets up this morning.


Cheers!
mouse

Thursday, Already

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Thursday. And, I'm in still in one piece.

I've begun napping in the evening for an hour to an hour and half between dinner and waking to feed Pioneer at 10:30. Combined with a couple more caffeinated beverages at work, I'm not dragging as badly as I was last week.

Next week, I want to find the time to squeeze in some exercise. That should help with the energy level.


Cheers!
mouse

Love

Dear Friends and Family,

I love Mr. mouse. I love P. But, they're very different kinds of love.

It goes deeper than the obvious - one is my spouse, the other is my child.

Mr. mouse is a constant. On a day by day, week by week basis he doesn't change a lot. I've known him for almost 15 years now. He is who he is, mostly. And, we've been together for a long time. And, we'll be together for a long time more. We've got a lifetime journey to share.

Pioneer is different. The changes on a week by week basis still stun me. After all, she's 14 weeks old now and a completely different person than she was when she was born. And, although the pace of change will slow, it's still light speed compared to Mr. mouse.

I've been with P for a short period of time. And, unlike Mr. mouse, it isn't a lifetime we have to share. At some point, she'll have her own life. We'll still be together, but not for dinner every night. She won't sleep in our room every night. We'll still be a family, but she'll move on.

Mr. mouse's love has a permanence to it. I've compared it to a steady fire burning away in the fireplace - something I find warming and comforting. P's love seems more ephemeral. And, because of that, it seems more fragile and precious. I'm sure it'll continue to evolve as she continues to grow.

For now, I'm just grateful I've got two such wonderful people to share life with.


Cheers!
mouse

Sleep Training

Dear Friends and Family,

Longer post tomorrow...

I'm already exhausted which is a bad sign since it's only Tuesday. I began to wonder if I wasn't sleeping as deeply with P in the bed. And, since P is now well on her way to four month old hood we decided to start sleep training. Last night, she slept in her pack and play bassinet. The plan is to sleep her in it for the rest of the week. Weekends I might be tempted to spoil her.

And, we'll pick one night this week for her to sleep in her crib, in her room, solo.


Cheers!
mouse

08.17.09: Caught Up on Sleep

Dear Friends and Family,

Happy Monday!

Friday, I was able to get out of work a little early and decompress after week two. Saturday, I caught up on sleep with a huge afternoon nap. And, Sunday, I slept in. And, now it's Monday again. May the cumulative sleep deprivation begin!

But wait, there's more. Our neighbors from the Winter Cabin have been in town since Wednesday night. Mr. mouse took Friday off to eat hot dogs, watch planes and go shopping. Saturday, we split. The men went to watch the Air and Water Show while the women stayed home and enjoyed the air conditioning, Harry Potter and playing/napping with P. Sunday, P got a bath. Then, we headed out to a delicious brunch, a popcorn pit stop, a walk in the park, some TV golf and then everyone headed out while I watched P for the night. She and I played and ate and played and napped and ate and slept some more. And, then, everyone else came back and we had pizza and ice cream and the weekend was over.

P's cold is a lot better. There's still the occasional cough and sneeze, but the congestion seems to have passed and she seems a lot happier/more comfortable now. This weekend, we played at conversation which she's gotten really good at and at holding toys which is something she's starting to do and at rollover/rollback which seem like foreign concepts to her. And, just for the record, she clasped both hands together Sunday night.


Cheers!
mouse

Friday

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Friday. And, we've got a bi-weekly off-site today, guess they started while I was out on leave. I wish I could take the day off and sleep the entire day. So tempted.

I'll do a "hard pump" before leaving for the day. Cross my fingers and hope for the best. Feed P when I get home and do a second "hard pump."

Wish for a good traffic day.


Cheers!
mouse

Almost Friday

Dear Friends and Family,

It's Thursday.

Our Winter Cabin neighbors arrived yesterday for a visit. They'll be here through the weekend. We ate pizza, played with P and turned in for the night.

Today's a working day for the working folks and a day at the zoo and eating cupcakes for the non-working folks. And, for P, it's a day at daycare for her. I think she's staying home with Mr. mouse tomorrow.

I know you're tired of reading about my sideline creamery, but it's top of mind for me.

I'm finally feeling some iota of confidence that there's enough milk for Pioneer. There were a couple of days that were close, but so far, I've been able to pump enough each day to meet that day's consumption. Which means, knock on wood, barring any unforeseen circumstances, I may be able to make it through to the six month point when she starts solids. Which means, knock on wood, barring any unforeseen circumstances, I may be able to make it through to the one year point when she transitions to cow's milk. We'll see.


Cheers!
mouse